Cry

Send out your light and your truth; let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling! Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy, and I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God. Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. Ps. 43:3-5

Father, I am painfully aware of my curent state of sin. My heart seeks satisfaction in shallowness and ignores the depths of your love and power. I am blind to the path You desire for me to take. I see my sin working so powerfully, holding a firm grasp on my weak heart. That sin that has become so dear to me is sqeezing, Lord. I try to release its graps, but I cannot. I try to strip myself of my dragonish layers of flesh, but to no avail. I am uncomfortably aware of my shortcomings in my past, my current helpless state to change and my complete ignorance for my future. I cannot guide and direct my own steps - I was created to be dependent on Your holy guidance, Your loving direction, Your sustaining leading, Your wisdom, power, and light. This is a supernatural work that I cannot create in my own will.

I need your power. I will not change unless you lovingly reach down to me in my helpless state and change me. Lovingly work once again to transform this darkness into a life that is led by Your light. Let your truth be that which guides me along this path. Let that leadership never fail to be all-sufficient. Without it Lord, I am helpless. When I turn to my own way, Lord, I find myself only further from the Light. Turn my heart. Batter my heart. My own heart betrays me so often. My own desires leave me enslaved - there's no freedom there. My own pride turns me from your all-powerful and all-sufficient Cross. I am a Pharasee who has not ever made a right step without your guidance. So, it is in helpless abandonment to my own ability to guide myself that I come to you. I plead for your ever-abundant guidance for the next and every following step of the way. I ask for your light.

Loving Father, I thank you that I can come to you - confidently calling you both "loving" and "Father." What abundant Grace you have given me. You are not reluctant as I shyly approach because of my sin. You view me through the cross. So, though my emotions tell me to approach with a fearful dread, You command a hopeful confidence as I approach your Holy throne. So, it is with that confidence, hid beneath the shadow of the cross, covered by the blood that removed all my impurities, all my shortcomings, all my weakness and ever-abundant idolatries... with that confidence I come to you now. Confident in the sufficiency of Jesus' cross yet again to not only cover, but to remove my sin. To remove my fault and present me spotless before the Throne. I come not to a throne of judgment, but rather to a throne of Grace.

Sweet Jesus, you took that judgment and now I stand clothed in your perfect righteousness. You paid the debt I owed and took the punishment I deserved. You did what I would never in my own will, have desired or asked. Yet, willingly, You took. Lovingly, You gave. Submissively, You obeyed. And perfectly, You magnified Your Father's greatness. An eternity of thanks is insufficient. But that's the point. Your glory is amazing. Your grace is overwhelming.

Holy Spirit, I thank you that You take these random musings and incoherent thoughts and present them wholly perfect and coherent before that Throne of Grace. You guide me now. You lead me through those dark paths by the ever-present help available to me. You draw my heart to desire intimacy with You. As I look back and see what You have accomplised, I am confident that you will never fail to continue to draw my sin-filled heart. I am grateful that my right standing with You has absolutely nothing to do with how I feel. It has everything to do with the words uttered from the cross: "It is finished."

Those three words are the sole reason for my hope. That is what I cling to when every emotion tells me to despair. That is my hope for change. It's a rooted and grounded hope in You. It's a thread of desire to draw to you, confident that my puny thread is not what is truly holding me. You are holding me. You are my fortress and my mighty God. You are amazing and that you would lavish your patience on me is truly overwhelming. It's an overwhelming truth, not simply an overwhelming feeling. How great is Your love. How unsearcheable are Your ways. And to think, these are but the fringes...

Send out your light and your truth; let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling! Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy, and I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God. Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. Ps. 43:3-5