So, I'm sitting here (in my favorite spot on the floor leaning up against my recliner) with a melancholy rejoicing in my heart. Melancholy is not always a bad thing - sometimes rejocing just doesn't look like "yippee - jumping up and down and squealing with overwhelming joy" - sometimes its a calm contentedness or a quiet peace in the rain.
I believe that just like God works in different means in our lives drawing our hearts to Him, our sacrifices of praise can and should look different at varied times throughout our lives.
Today the song in my heart is a minor key. If I had to pick a soundtrack, it would either be The Chronicles of Narnia or Amazing Grace - both are ominious and melancholy with undeniable themes of hope throughout. But enough about music and on to the real reason for this post...
I "stumbled" across a verse today. A verse that God used to deeply encourage me and to build my faith in Him as my Provider. Psalm 68:6a says "God sets the solitary in a home (the lonely in families)"
This was encouraging to me because at a time when I've been struggling with "limbo" (aka - singleness, job, family and health questions, etc), God brought this reminder across my path.
He lovingly reminded me through those Living Words that He has sovereignly placed me with a family from my church, with 3 young kids who often by mistake call me "mom." He has allowed me to "practice" parenting on them and has allowed me to view daily a stellar example of a a faithful patient husband and dad as well as a submissive, caring, loving wife and mother.
What a work of grace God has given me. He's not only given me a place to stay, He's set me in a place that is my home. He's placed me in a family. Me - a solitary stupid little sheep that continually goes astray - I have a "fold" to return to. I have people around me that care enough to run and catch me when I go astray. I belong to something so much greater than just myself.
It seems almost laughable that I would struggle with not having a family or a home. Look around, Emily! Your family and home is here. You are a part of the greatest place on earth!
How kind of God to open my eyes to the blessing right in front of my face. I so often miss those blessings as I look forward to future blessings. But as I've been reminded lately, God doesn't provide grace for future worries. And in His lovingkindness, He doesn't simply dangle a carrot in front of us, that we are always striving for but never attaining it. He currently provides grace upon grace. Mercy ever-abundant. Blessings and peace, not because of our worthiness, but because of His infinite worth.
It wasn't quite the answer I was expecting. But its vastly richer than a new job that pays 25% more. This is part of my eternal inheritance - and its just a glimpse. Its a surprising and unexpected glimpse, but I'm grateful.
p.s. i'm still praying for the husband I'll have one day, the new job I'll hopefully get eventually and my own home that I'll decorate and invite others into though! :)