Midnight

Midnight in a prison. not a place and time you typically hear singing. But that's what Paul and Silas did in Acts 16:16-25.

It's midnight right now. I should be singing. Yet I'm lamenting. I'm sorrowing. I'm focusing on the muck and mire failing to look up and see the cross. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of ups and downs. Though the ups are nice, it makes the downs even harder. I’m sick of hard. I’m weary and tired.

I fear this is judgment of sin. Yet i know that to be untrue. I know that is an accusation from Satan because he wants me to run from God at this moment when I need my Savior the most. My feelings tell me to run and hide. Its funny, the words I was using to encourage Sarah to trust her Savior just this morning are stinging in my tear-filled eyes now only 13 hours later. My heart says "Emily - God is angry with you for your foolish idolatry and stubborn lack of dependence on Him therefore He is cursing you. Because He's angry, you must now pay. And payment is going to mean pain. Pain and hurting and sorrow and crying and loneliness and despair and then once you've done that enough, maybe then He'll remove the pain. But maybe He won't. He is unchangeable and you don't know his ways." I'm back to Job 23...

"…But he is unchangeable, what he desires, that he does. For he will complete what he appoints for me, and many such things are in his mind. Therefore I am terrified at his presence; when I consider, I am in dread of him. God has made my heart faint; the Almighty has terrified me…"

“many such things are in his mind.” Many things??? I’ve had enough already. God, didn’t you know that what happened last night was simply too much for me? Didn’t you know I’m already at the end of my rope, only desperately trying to hold on? Did you forget the previous 3 weeks and what is coming next week too? Um… bad timing God. Did you fall asleep or just turn away or are you really vindictive like this? Was this supposed to sting so severely? And you have more of this? No wonder Job was in dread. I am too.

But God says rejoice when you are in trials. Shout with praises of thanksgiving. Be glad for what trials come your way – for they point you to the cross. My only hope lies in the cross of my Christ. The cross of suffering and pain and death. The cross where He forever proved His mercy and love. That place where he poured out ALL his wrath. There is NO WRATH left for me. It was completely taken by my Jesus. It’s done. I have hope even in my prison midnightness because there’s a God at work. And though my conscious condemns me, my Jesus is greater than that. I can embrace these accusations from Satan because I know the next verse.

I’m reminded of the words of an old song I used to sing… “though its midnight in the prison, my loving Father reigns in Heaven. His arms enfold me. The bars can’t hold me. As I lift my voice and sing this song of praise. Though my body’s held in shackles, Christ has set my spirit free. Chains are broken. Doors fly open. Though its midnight...”

and another song... "The devil’s singing over me an age old song. That I am cursed and gone astray. Singing the first verse so conveniently over me, He’s forgotten the refrain... Jesus saves!"

My body is in shackles. Yet my spirit is free. That’s why even when my body cries for lamentation and sorrow, I can rejoice. I can hope because my hope is in a Redeemer who has saved and conquered. Though I don’t feel like singing, I can either choose to give in to Satan’s accusations, or I can choose to rejoice in light of the cross. Though I don’t understand and though I am fearful… “at times when I’m afraid, I will put my hope in you.” So, when Idon't want to or feel able to... I still have the power to resist the devil's accusations because Christ is at work in me.