Test of Adversity/ Test of Prosperity - Who Gets the Glory?

E-mails back and forth between Jess and I when I found out I didn't get the job I interviewed for. (begins with E-mail from Jess)
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Two things.
First of all I love you and I’m praying for you.
You’ll be fine!
Second, read the below (even though you read it yesterday…sounds like you need a reminder.)

My child, I know what you’re going through. I know your fears because I created you. And each step you take I gave to you. And I prepared what you have been going through. And you want to understand, you want to know, but I have engraved you on the palm of My hand. You want to feel my nearness, to hear me speak, but my power is perfected in the humble and the weak.

But, for now I’m calling you to trust, I’m calling you to believe, that I am a faithful God to you. For now, I’m calling you to believe what you cannot see. But, what you know is true. I can hear you, I am near you.

The Lord’s been really convicting me about fighting His will (Jesus’ prayer in the Garden) and not being content with standing in a fog. So, the past couple of days I’ve been having a hard time trusting Him and having peace. Couldn’t (and still can’t) put my finger on the root of all this, but I think God is after more than just “the root”. I think He’s after blind trust and obedience (filled with faith and joy). Which HASN’T been how I felt part of Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and part of yesterday...

I had some errands to run and so I was praying and asking God why this was all so hard for me. It really shouldn’t be! I told Him that I just didn’t have the faith to fast for the answer that I want. It just wasn’t coming. So, God prompted me to fast for faith and trust. Asking Him to work on my heart and change what I just can’t change myself.

I was SO AMAZED by the peace and joy that fasting produced in me! It was so cool! It dawned on me that being content in God’s will doesn’t mean I know the answers. It means that I’m content that I DON’T KNOW THE ANSWERS! And I’m ok with that. Why? Because I can have complete trust in the Father Who loves me so much that He killed His Son for me! If He loves me that passionately I can trust Him to provide for what I can’t see.
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I’ve found that tests of prosperity are harder than adversity (esp. in responding biblically). Be careful what you ask for. ;-)
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Every time I'm tempted to blame Him, I'm reminded of Job. I'm not nearly as bad off as he was and yet He CHOSE to praise God. Why? because He knew that his physical problem wasn't his biggest problem. In chapter 9 when He says "if only there were someone to arbitrate between Him and me." Well, I know that Person. He DID arbitrate between God's wrath and me. Graciously. Why do I question? Why do I doubt? He's so much more than I ever could have asked for or hoped for and I'm upset about a job that would at the longest last 40 years till I retire (and hopefull not nearly even that long!) So, I'm sad. i still wanna cry. i still am crying. but i KNOW God is good because I've lived for so many years in that goodness. He was good in NOT letting me get married 4 years ago. He was good in NOT moving me from Greenville. He was good in NOT letting me run from the church. and though it doesnt' make sense right now, I know he's good in NOT giving me what I really wanted and was praying for this time. i prayed that if this would be an idol that God wouldn't give it to me. or that if it would distract me from what he's teaching me, that He wouldn't give it to me. But i was kinda also praying that that wouldn't have to be the case - that i could just get this job and bless God for it and give Him all the glory, blah blah blah. I know I'll be okay (partly because I know you guys won't let me lose focus and "not be okay" and partly because I know God has a habit of hanging on to me and pursuing me). I'm listening to a playlist from Na and right now is playing "you give and take away, My heart will choose to say blessed be your name." It struck me that this is a choice. Even when I don't feel like praising Him I can (and must) CHOOSE to say Blessed be You! You are great! Thank you! but once again that's a struggle.
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funny - i prayed that song whole heartedly at Na. Yup, God, take it all away, just give me you. Strip me. I think I've just been stripped and I can completely relate to verse 2. i need more grace. grace to cast myself on Him. grace to realize that when i'm stripped, He is kind. Thank God He doesn't get tired of doing that cuz I need it.
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God is good at “stirring the pot”. A picture my mom has used in the past is a coke bottle. You can shake it up all you want, but if there’s nothing in it (i.e. sin) then nothing comes out. But, if there’s stuff in it, when you shake it up, it spews. God is so faithful to “shake us up” to reveal where we need to grow (esp. if we thought we were doing incredibly well in an area) and show us our desperate need for Him. Can I challenge you in something? Where’s your perspective? Is it on God, glorifying Him, and your true Home (i.e. we’re just traveling through this world) or on yourself and not getting what you want? Can you imagine being in a job that God didn’t want you in? Can you imagine not being in His will? This is His incredible kindness to you. I’d encourage you to not only put off sin, but find ways to put on joy and gladness. It’s always a sure fire cure for me! ;-) That being said, please know that I completely understand what you’re going through. I’m constantly reminding myself that I may be getting a “No” in the near future and how would I handle that if I heard it. But, I KNOW that God is so incredibly faithful. I have seen it time and time and time again in my life. I want nothing that is not in His will for me. Even if my “future” is singleness, that’s what is for my good and His glory. Not, my preference, but He will give me the grace to be single for as long as that is required of me. My life isn’t about me and what I want (or don’t want! J), but what makes His name GREAT! I have to be content with the process… Love you!