Discipleship

Through the last few weeks at church, I'm starting to see how drastically different my view of discipleship is from the truth. Its not merely about correction and the primary focus isn't on the other person. I know these aren't earth shattering thoughts, but they have been ground breaking in my life lately. The first thing to do is to simultaneously focus my gaze in two places - at myself: my need for change and Christ: the source of strength for my change. The last week or so has primarily been a focus only in the first area - introspective, at my failures, at my lack of strength to change leading to discouragement and a general feeling of being overwhelmed.

Exodus 17:13 "And Joshua overwhelmed Amalek and his people with the sword."
Psalm 78:53 "He led them in safety so that they were not afraid, but the sea overwhelmed their enemies."
Exodus 18:18 "You and the people with you will certainly wear yourselves out, for the thing is too heavy for you."

In my own strength that is how discipleship feels - an ocean of weight crashing in around me. Its too much to accomplish. Its too much to do and it will never be done. Its simply too heavy. How can I properly disciple others - its impossible. There is so much in my life that still needs to change and conform to the image of Christ - how can I even possibly think that I can impact others? In one way that view is accurate. It is too much. It is too heavy. I can't accomplish it.

It is frightening how pervasive the feminist view of "do it yourself" has permeated into my life and even into my service for Christ. Ultimately, its not my burden to bear. I haven't been called to change myself or change others. There is no requirement for me to fix the world (aka "be" God.) ... yet another area controlled by the pervasive grip of idolatry - this time the idol of my self-will and self-controlling desires. As I've been reading on various blogs and in various books what biblical femininity looks like and acts like, I am beginning to see that femininity as our world sees it is not merely a cultural difference, rather it is an attack on God. In my desire to control and plan and lead, I am not only not serving the guys in my church, but I am by my actions launching an assault on God's charachter and ultimate plan for my life.

How can I like Jesus and Paul say that I have accomplished all that He has called me to do? Through reliance on Him, through a greater understanding of who I am in His presence, through a more passionate desire to follow Him, through His Spirit leading me, through a greater awareness of His work and action.