Thanks James for putting this video together. Its exciting and faith building to watch again. It truly was a time to celebrate what God has done.
My highlight yet again was watching Ed O'Daniel baptize his two sons. They are the last ones in the video to be baptized. What a joy this was. Two years ago, Ed was dying. Thanks to the sacrifice of Wendy, thanks to her kidney which God sovereignly ordained to be a perfect match, Ed was able to have the honor of baptizing his sons. Wow.
Showing posts with label Church. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Church. Show all posts
to celebrate what God has done
Buried and Raised in Christ - Union
Yesterday was baptism Sunday at church. I hope to have pictures soon to be able to post, but I just want to say it was simply an awesome day.
During worship, God was reminding me of my union with Christ... the joy found in that truth... and how marriage and baptism are both a picture of that union. I didn't expect baptism to remind me of marriage (especially since I'm not married), but here's what was going through my mind...
1. it is a public display - I am commited to this person forever and I want everyone to know.
2. it is a time of rejoicing corporately - the entire church joined in the celebration... they rejoiced, they clapped, they gave hugs galore!!!
3. some people laugh and hoop and holler, some cry. Not a big surprise here, but I was the latter. :)
4. in a wedding, your dad typically gives you away. in baptism, my spriritual leader, friend and pastor had the honor of baptising me. You could see in his eyes that he was rejocing with me, you could sense and feel it as he hugged me, and smiled and cried. so much was wrapped up in that moment. He cares for my soul with such excellence. God has lavishly blessed our church with not just one amazing leader, but three! what a gift. I am grateful beyond words.
5. it reveals the levels and depths of friendships - some stand close by your side in a wedding... some just hug you for all its worth while they are in their church clothes and you're sopping wet. at that moment, the last 5 years re-entered my mind... a friendship that has been formed by only God's grace alone... a friendship sweeter than I ever could have asked for. the main reason I had the honor of even standing there at that moment, dripping and smelling of chlorine, was because of how God worked in and through my sweet friend, Jessica Britt. Her patience, love and care is what led me to Christ. Her example made the gospel appealing to me - a sinner who had until that moment been content to wallow in my sin. So, Jess (since I know you're reading this)... thank you. Thank you for obeying the Spirit when He asked you to reach out to me. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for your ongoing care over the past 5 (but especially the last 2 1/2 years). I'm not the same person that I was 5 years ago as a result. I pray that God lavishly, richly blesses you. I pray you feel His pleasure. I pray that I will be able to be the same friend to another struggling hopeless visitor, that you were to me.
It was a beautiful day. Every testimony given made me cry. God's grace is not merely great enough to reach into our sin-ravaged lives, He does it in a specific, personal, tender, caring, intimate way. Just like no proposal is the same... no salvation is the same.
Jesus truly is sweet. It is an honor to call Him mine. It is a joy to be in union with Him. It is my delight to serve Him. What a joy. What a splendid time of sweetness that has begun.
To be honest, I didn't expect all that...
During worship, God was reminding me of my union with Christ... the joy found in that truth... and how marriage and baptism are both a picture of that union. I didn't expect baptism to remind me of marriage (especially since I'm not married), but here's what was going through my mind...
1. it is a public display - I am commited to this person forever and I want everyone to know.
2. it is a time of rejoicing corporately - the entire church joined in the celebration... they rejoiced, they clapped, they gave hugs galore!!!
3. some people laugh and hoop and holler, some cry. Not a big surprise here, but I was the latter. :)
4. in a wedding, your dad typically gives you away. in baptism, my spriritual leader, friend and pastor had the honor of baptising me. You could see in his eyes that he was rejocing with me, you could sense and feel it as he hugged me, and smiled and cried. so much was wrapped up in that moment. He cares for my soul with such excellence. God has lavishly blessed our church with not just one amazing leader, but three! what a gift. I am grateful beyond words.
5. it reveals the levels and depths of friendships - some stand close by your side in a wedding... some just hug you for all its worth while they are in their church clothes and you're sopping wet. at that moment, the last 5 years re-entered my mind... a friendship that has been formed by only God's grace alone... a friendship sweeter than I ever could have asked for. the main reason I had the honor of even standing there at that moment, dripping and smelling of chlorine, was because of how God worked in and through my sweet friend, Jessica Britt. Her patience, love and care is what led me to Christ. Her example made the gospel appealing to me - a sinner who had until that moment been content to wallow in my sin. So, Jess (since I know you're reading this)... thank you. Thank you for obeying the Spirit when He asked you to reach out to me. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for your ongoing care over the past 5 (but especially the last 2 1/2 years). I'm not the same person that I was 5 years ago as a result. I pray that God lavishly, richly blesses you. I pray you feel His pleasure. I pray that I will be able to be the same friend to another struggling hopeless visitor, that you were to me.
It was a beautiful day. Every testimony given made me cry. God's grace is not merely great enough to reach into our sin-ravaged lives, He does it in a specific, personal, tender, caring, intimate way. Just like no proposal is the same... no salvation is the same.
Jesus truly is sweet. It is an honor to call Him mine. It is a joy to be in union with Him. It is my delight to serve Him. What a joy. What a splendid time of sweetness that has begun.
To be honest, I didn't expect all that...
Rest
have been somewhat absent lately... sorry about that. God seems to be working in my heart to learn to simply rest... so this week (vacation week) has been a week of relaxing, resting, enjoying music and friends and hiking and pools.
I love what I can learn about my God through nature. I learn that He is powerful. I see that He loves diversity. I love viewing His creativity. I'm glad that though I change like the seasons do, my God never changes. There is something special to me about hiking through the mountains viewing His creation and simply standing in awe of His power.
Can I just say...I love my singles group. We got together at the guy's duplex tonight for pizza. Its weird now... 5 years ago our singles group was consisted of 5 girls and 2 guys. Tonight, of the 20+ people that were there, the vast majority were guys. How cool is that?
Matthew Eastin stepped it up once again. The guy is really becoming a great leader. Its cool to watch. He cares specifically and serves quietly. He is truly an example.
I love hearing the guys pray. I love seeing their interaction with each other. I love watching them prepare the food (thanks Ryan for the yummy salad!) and doing it with such excellence. They are the coolest guys ever and are really gifts to our church. I was grateful to meet Carl - a brand new Christian who will be celebrating 3 weeks tomorrow of his union with Christ. Yay!!! I am humbled by Willie's service and passion. I am motivated by Casear's and Willie's passion for the lost.
I left tonight, yet again reminded of God's provision.
So, again, the command is rest. sit quietly. hope for Me. Look to Me. Rejoice in the midst of trials because I am your hope. Live in light of the stedfast hope you have in Me!
I love what I can learn about my God through nature. I learn that He is powerful. I see that He loves diversity. I love viewing His creativity. I'm glad that though I change like the seasons do, my God never changes. There is something special to me about hiking through the mountains viewing His creation and simply standing in awe of His power.
Can I just say...I love my singles group. We got together at the guy's duplex tonight for pizza. Its weird now... 5 years ago our singles group was consisted of 5 girls and 2 guys. Tonight, of the 20+ people that were there, the vast majority were guys. How cool is that?
Matthew Eastin stepped it up once again. The guy is really becoming a great leader. Its cool to watch. He cares specifically and serves quietly. He is truly an example.
I love hearing the guys pray. I love seeing their interaction with each other. I love watching them prepare the food (thanks Ryan for the yummy salad!) and doing it with such excellence. They are the coolest guys ever and are really gifts to our church. I was grateful to meet Carl - a brand new Christian who will be celebrating 3 weeks tomorrow of his union with Christ. Yay!!! I am humbled by Willie's service and passion. I am motivated by Casear's and Willie's passion for the lost.
I left tonight, yet again reminded of God's provision.
So, again, the command is rest. sit quietly. hope for Me. Look to Me. Rejoice in the midst of trials because I am your hope. Live in light of the stedfast hope you have in Me!
Hope
Today was a hard day. You never want to attend a baby's funeral. The flowers on top of the small casket were larger than the casket itself. My friends are grieving deeply. My heart hurts for them.
But what I left the day with was one word... hope. The funeral service was done by my pastor, Jim Britt. Dave and Melissa picked out two songs to sing - one before and one after. The first song was "Blessed be Your Name" and the second was "It is Well." Never were those words harder to sing. It was heartbreaking to see tears roll down countless faces while we tried to sing the words "you give and take away... my heart will chose to say blessed be your name."
But as Jim so tenderly reminded us, our hope is not in the gifts given, rather in the Giver of gifts. He reminded us of the hope that God brings. It has been faith building for me to watch my friends walk through this trial. Their hope is confidently in a loving Father who cares for them. Their sorrow is met with an even-greater Comfortor. God's grace is so overwhelmingly evident in their lives right now.
when all you can do is cry...
I'm glad that God is caring and loving when all you can do is cry. I'm glad His ears are open to the cries of His children.
Dave and Melissa Cooper lost their baby last night. Little unborn, baby Jonas Cooper will never grow up to play with his big sister. This fall will not bring a season of new baby clothes and diapers.
I remember Melissa's excitement when she found out she was pregnant. I remember her joy when she learned they were having a boy. Now, I'm hearing of their agony and pain. I'm about to watch my friends embark on some of the deepest suffering they've ever faced.
How kind of God to prepare us. How grateful I am for the warning in 1st Peter: suffering is coming...put your trust in God. Look to Christ as your hope and motivation. Rest there.
So, with tears, I am choosing to rest in God's soveriegnty. With a heavy heart, I resolve to bless, not charge God. And by God's grace, I will join so many from years past who can say, trysting in our faithful God "you give and take away... but blessed be Your Name."
God, help. Help us to remember that even when we can't cry in faith, that You are holding us secure... that nothing is outside of your control - even things that are outside of our understanding.
"...this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD."
The Answer for the Hope
Today at lunch, God opened up a door to share with my new coworker, the answer to the hope that is within me. It started with a conversation about my new job, learning how to work with new personalities, etc. That somehow morphed into a discussion about where I live, where I go to church and how I ended up there.
My coworker is not a Christian, does not claim to be, and from what I assess, is who I was 5 years ago - skeptical about a belief that in many ways seems "too good to be true." I remember telling Rick 5 years ago that the church family he was describing to me didn't exist, but if it did, that must truly be the greatest place on earth. But that I didn't believe it existed at all. My coworker's in that place today.
She seems to be open to hearing what I have to say, out of a genuine desire to get to know who I am. What an opportunity to share with her who my Jesus is.
So, I was able to start the conversation about what true genuine Christ-like love looks like - it looks like something we don't often see from "church-goers" - it looks like a transformation of what a person values in their life - it looks like loving the unloveable, caring more for their souls than the outward appearance (with an understanding that the outward appearance often reflects the inner man), disagreeing with someone's actions but not judging the person.
I didn't quite express it in those terms, but I shared with her what an impact my friends at Sovereign Grace Church have had on my hopeless life. My intent was to start building a relationship, start sharing some of what God has done in me, and when she mentioned that "I've really pulled myself up by my bootstraps" attempting humbly (though not fully understood) that my life is just an example of God's amazing grace at work.
She accurately mentioned that "you can't just change yourself - its important to have other people around you helping you see the truth." How true that statement is. I shared with her that apart from God's grace at work in and through my friends, I can confidently say I would not be today where I am now.
I think today's conversation was the first of many. I am grateful for my friends. I am indebted to the change that God has brought about as a result of their faithful witness to me - through their faithful living out of humble orthodoxy. By God's grace, I desire to live that same witness out before my coworker and friend. I pray that God opens her eyes, that perhaps she comes to church in a few weeks when I am going to be baptized.
I haven't yet asked if she would like to come -I pray that God would deepen the friendship, that He would support this bridge so that one day I will be able to carry across the truth of my Friend that died on a tree so many years ago.
I pray that God would continue to provide opportunities like today, when my union with Christ flowed as an easy topic of conversation. Looking back on lunch, wow... His grace was evident. I did not fear to share with her, the words flowed off my tongue with excitement about who my friends (and who my Greatest Friend) are. How sweet to see if the God who pursued me through the lives of my friends, would use me and begin (or possibly continue?!) to pursue my coworker. I pray that the Hound of Heaven would go hunting again, that the Shepherd would seek out yet another lost sheep, and that He would passionately and personally pursue her through His love, as displayed most magnificently on the Cross.
God's Power
I feel so blessed to be a part of my church body. Yesterday was refreshing, though hectic. God kindly allowed a sweet time of worship that prepared my heart to spend the rest of the day watching kids.
Typically, when I'm watching the kids during the sermon, I feel like I'm missing what God has to say to me, and miss altogether that His will for me that day is to use what He's been teaching me and serve the children with joy. Talk about application - serving seventeen 1-3 year olds with joy when 5 of them won't stop crying is a challenging day even for the most experienced person!
Arriving at church in the middle of a "discussion" (christian term for "fight") is a difficult way to start any Sunday morning. And knowing that my sin of laziness and pride (no concern for other's time schedules thereby causing us to be late) was the reason that the "discussion" began anyway is not only a difficult, but also a humbling way to start the day.
Typically, when I'm watching the kids during the sermon, I feel like I'm missing what God has to say to me, and miss altogether that His will for me that day is to use what He's been teaching me and serve the children with joy. Talk about application - serving seventeen 1-3 year olds with joy when 5 of them won't stop crying is a challenging day even for the most experienced person!
Arriving at church in the middle of a "discussion" (christian term for "fight") is a difficult way to start any Sunday morning. And knowing that my sin of laziness and pride (no concern for other's time schedules thereby causing us to be late) was the reason that the "discussion" began anyway is not only a difficult, but also a humbling way to start the day.
But God graciously gave us the grace to work through it and prepare our hearts for worship and service, strategically using that fight to humble me and once again point me to my utter desperate need for Him and His power to work in me. I prayed before the service specifically that His power would work in and through me and that I would rejoice in Him and His work.
Danger Will Robinson - pray for God's power to overwhelm you, and *surprise* what an ovewhelming glimpse I saw in the following 45 minutes.
When worship began, God impressed on my heart to pray for the Minards. Chris has been suffering now for a while with physical problems that seem to have no cause or cure. While singing songs about God's faithfulness through trials, my prayer the entire time was for God's healing hand to touch this fellow servant and friend. This family has portrayed God's power with excellence throughout this ordeal - trusting God to be bigger and greater than this "light and temporary affliction" that has radically altered their lives.
Three songs into the set, Jim took a break to allow time for us to pray for those in our midst who were hurting. Chris, always looking to serve, ran immediately to pray with someone else. What humility and grace is at work in his life!
As I was praying with Ann I was struck with what an honor it is to bear up together with this family and carry their burdens to the Mercy Seat, approaching a compassionate Savior who delights in His children asking Him for more grace and mercy. So, in faith, with heavy hearts but trusting in a powerful Savior, we pleaded. We asked not only specifically for healing, but also for more grace and mercy from a God that abundanty lavishes help on the needy.
No sonner than I returned to my seat, we began to sing "It is Well." God reminded me of a time when Heidi had shared a testimony about how God had brought sweet freedom and joy through the 3rd verse of this song ("...my sin, not in part but the whole was nailed to the cross and I bear it no more..."). I felt compelled to go remind her of that hope - to remind her of that forgiveness that is true not only for our justification, but that is powerfully working now through our struggles of sanctification.
I fought for the first verse and 1/2 of the song - after all, I had just walked all the way across the room to pray with Ann. I didn't want to be a "distraction" to anyone by walking out again (I was sitting in the front row on the other side of the room from both Ann and Heidi). The biblical category for this would be arrogant pride (I know better than the Holy Spirit's urging) and the fear of man (what will they think!?)
The thought became more urgent as the song progressed, as the Holy Spirit was working in my heart to once again, go and pray with a fellow believer. So, I repented of my sin and followed His leading. I simply gave her a hug and reminded her "the hope from that day (when she first understood those words) is true for today, for right now too." She broke down in tears and began sharing with me that she was discouraged and very overwhelmed right now and that she really needed to be reminded of that truth. As I walked back to my seat, having left her - arm around her husband - in a puddle of tears, I was again, rejoicing in the overwhelming power of God.
At another point in the set, we sang "What a Savior." I don't think I have ever heard (or sung) the words "full atonement, can it be?" with such excitement, hope and joy. What a glorious sound! How I'm grateful to be a part of my church body. How I'm amazed that God can work through my life to bring greater glory to Him!
I'm more aware today than I was yesterday of the truth of the words "What a Savior!" I pray that tomorrow I wake up saying the same thing.
Reflection
Webster's dictionary defines "reflect / reflection" as to give back or exhibit as an image, likeness, or outline; to make manifest or apparent.As Christians, we are called to reflect Christ. We are called to mirror His image (to give a true representation, an exemplary model) and to show others of His charachter.
If you think about that for more than 2 seconds, you'll come to the same conclusion that I did. There is absolutely no way I can show others a true reflection of who Christ is. He was perfect. He was humble. I am sinful and proud. My best works are not merely tainted by sin, they are inherently worthless and filthy.
But God, being rich in mercy, chooses to substitue those works with ones that are pleasing to Him. Through the cross, God looks at me and is able to be pleased with my works - not because I've merited it, but because the death of Jesus Christ was sufficient and strengthens me daily to follow His example. I'll never reach that level of perfection as He had, and it is designed to be so, in order to keep me humbly trusting in His strength and relying on His ability, not my own.
Last night, I went to Joe and Rose's house for dinner. I had the pleasure of cooking dinner for them and their family - they provided the place, the food and let me take free reign of the kitchen, trusting that I would prepare something good for them to eat. I can't even explain how much fun I had just throwing stuff together! I LOVE to cook and miss not doing it as often as I used to.
They kept saying how much of a blessing it was to them, but honestly, I think I left as the one more edified and refreshed. It was a joy to get to know them, to feel immediately welcome as part of the family, to hear how God reached into their worlds and captured their hearts, to see the struggles of how they are learning now to trust Him daily, to hear examples of how God has empowered them to overcome sin. Wow! God is at work in that little family in so many ways, and I got to see a part of it last night! I got to see another "fringe" of His ways (Job 26:14).
What a beautiful reflection they were to me of the gospel. By God's grace, I believe that I was able to be the same to them.
Grace truly is amazing. They opened their home, I came and cooked. But God met me (and I believe us all) in a special way. I left, more aware of His power than when I came. I left having a deeper desire for fellowship. I left, rejocing in our amazing, all-powerful, soveriegn God.
What a sweet mirror image of my Jesus. Seeing that makes me long for the day when I'll see not merely a reflection, but my Savior face to face.
Stay
You haven't yet found out whether I want to go back.
I don't.
I want to stay with you -
if you will have me.
I've been looking for people like you all my life.
- Caspian, Prince Caspian
I don't.
I want to stay with you -
if you will have me.
I've been looking for people like you all my life.
- Caspian, Prince Caspian
Overflowing
My heart is full to the point of overflowing right now. I love our church. I love my friends. Tonight's care group was so encouraging to me on so many levels. Here are a few...
1. My cake turned out and was a big hit. I know this is just a little thing, but I was simply hoping to make something that would bless my friends. I'd been looking forward to making that cake for about 3 months now (vanilla butter cream cake with a thin vanilla frosting between the layers and on the top and sides and then a godiva 60% bittersweet dark chocolate ganache. Can you say "yum"?) :) Hearing Matt who doesn't like cake, say he enjoyed it; watching Willy eat spoonful after spoonful of the leftover ganache until I'm convinced he'll be sick tomorrow... seeing Jessica sad because there were no seconds left... Such a little thing, but for me, it was a reminder of God's delight in bringing us joy. I enjoyed making that cake, and seeing them enjoy eating it brought joy to my heart and made me thank God for that little blessing.
2. We talked about the gospel. Talk about a topic to encourage a weary heart... Christ died for you. He paid the price you could not pay for your sins. Through the work of regeneration, He has changed your nature. You're dead to sin. Baptism is a public display of humbly submitting to Christ in all areas of your life. I'm looking forward to being baptized on May 18th. I hope its warm that day (since the baptisms will be outside!)
3. God gave me a picture for a friend and it seemed to encourage her. I pray it continues to do so. She seems weary and burdened down with the cares of this life. I want her to know confidently the freedom that is found in her weakness. The joy that is found in her utter inability to do anything. I want her to rejoice that the fruit in her life does not come from her ability to make it; rather, it comes through the life flowing through her. I want that to bring the much needed rest for my sweet dear friend.
4. My back is not hurting! I can't even explain what this means. My back and shoulders have hurt for years, but especially in the past few months. Physical relief is such a blessed gift.
5. I feel at home. At home with the Thomas's; at home with my church family. Simply resting. Its a beautiful thing and I'm just beginning to experience that. Honestly, in so many ways, I can't imagine life getting better than it is right now.
6. I have running buddies now - Wendy for hiking adventures. Jennifer for after work motivation. Yippee! Hurray for not having to run by myself (not that I don't like the solitude with me, my ipod, and the road - I do, but its nice to have someone else with me for safety).
7. I love Matt and Julie. They are a blessing from God. I love Matt's excitement about little things like the salty smell from opening a bag of Original Lays chips. I love his humility and sensitivity for others' concerns and needs. I love his passion for Jesus. And I love his wife. Julie brightens the room simply by being there. I love her excitement and humor. I love her down to earth approach on life. I love her discipline as portrayed through raising her children and losing weight. She is an example I long to be like. I want my husband to be blessed with a godly wife like Julie. I want to learn more from that life.
8. Talking to George tonight was great. I have a greater desire to read and study the Psalms more. I want to memorize more and glorify God through my creativity more. I want to grow in songwriting . I want to grow in the gift of encouragement. He encouraged me tonight. I want to do that same honor to others.
9. Ending the night with "Have your full way" was so appropriate. By God's grace, I was able to sing "thank you for my trial, it was designed by your own hand to perfect a good work in me."
Isn't He good?
Isn't He kind?
Hasn't He blessed us?
Time after Time?
There is no answer but "yes."
1. My cake turned out and was a big hit. I know this is just a little thing, but I was simply hoping to make something that would bless my friends. I'd been looking forward to making that cake for about 3 months now (vanilla butter cream cake with a thin vanilla frosting between the layers and on the top and sides and then a godiva 60% bittersweet dark chocolate ganache. Can you say "yum"?) :) Hearing Matt who doesn't like cake, say he enjoyed it; watching Willy eat spoonful after spoonful of the leftover ganache until I'm convinced he'll be sick tomorrow... seeing Jessica sad because there were no seconds left... Such a little thing, but for me, it was a reminder of God's delight in bringing us joy. I enjoyed making that cake, and seeing them enjoy eating it brought joy to my heart and made me thank God for that little blessing.
2. We talked about the gospel. Talk about a topic to encourage a weary heart... Christ died for you. He paid the price you could not pay for your sins. Through the work of regeneration, He has changed your nature. You're dead to sin. Baptism is a public display of humbly submitting to Christ in all areas of your life. I'm looking forward to being baptized on May 18th. I hope its warm that day (since the baptisms will be outside!)
3. God gave me a picture for a friend and it seemed to encourage her. I pray it continues to do so. She seems weary and burdened down with the cares of this life. I want her to know confidently the freedom that is found in her weakness. The joy that is found in her utter inability to do anything. I want her to rejoice that the fruit in her life does not come from her ability to make it; rather, it comes through the life flowing through her. I want that to bring the much needed rest for my sweet dear friend.
4. My back is not hurting! I can't even explain what this means. My back and shoulders have hurt for years, but especially in the past few months. Physical relief is such a blessed gift.
5. I feel at home. At home with the Thomas's; at home with my church family. Simply resting. Its a beautiful thing and I'm just beginning to experience that. Honestly, in so many ways, I can't imagine life getting better than it is right now.
6. I have running buddies now - Wendy for hiking adventures. Jennifer for after work motivation. Yippee! Hurray for not having to run by myself (not that I don't like the solitude with me, my ipod, and the road - I do, but its nice to have someone else with me for safety).
7. I love Matt and Julie. They are a blessing from God. I love Matt's excitement about little things like the salty smell from opening a bag of Original Lays chips. I love his humility and sensitivity for others' concerns and needs. I love his passion for Jesus. And I love his wife. Julie brightens the room simply by being there. I love her excitement and humor. I love her down to earth approach on life. I love her discipline as portrayed through raising her children and losing weight. She is an example I long to be like. I want my husband to be blessed with a godly wife like Julie. I want to learn more from that life.
8. Talking to George tonight was great. I have a greater desire to read and study the Psalms more. I want to memorize more and glorify God through my creativity more. I want to grow in songwriting . I want to grow in the gift of encouragement. He encouraged me tonight. I want to do that same honor to others.
9. Ending the night with "Have your full way" was so appropriate. By God's grace, I was able to sing "thank you for my trial, it was designed by your own hand to perfect a good work in me."
Isn't He good?
Isn't He kind?
Hasn't He blessed us?
Time after Time?
There is no answer but "yes."
My God is good.
He's been very good to me.
The Story of God's Goodness
I have been thinking about writing this for a while now, and that idea was compelled forward by a post I read this morning.
Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of the children of mankind! Psalm 31:19
My life, like Steven's (in the link above) is a story of God's goodness. It's also a story of God's individual care, for my story doesn't look exactly like his. It shows God's guidance, but in a unique and different way than his story. Each of our stories does the same.
Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of the children of mankind! Psalm 31:19
My life, like Steven's (in the link above) is a story of God's goodness. It's also a story of God's individual care, for my story doesn't look exactly like his. It shows God's guidance, but in a unique and different way than his story. Each of our stories does the same.
So, here's my story of God's goodness... the God who called me out before my birth... the One that is by His grace and mercy, receiving glory for my life of learning to depend on Him.
(*warning - lengthy post to follow - its hard to encapsulate 26 years into a few paragraphs!*)
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I was born in Pennsylvania. My family background is both German and Italian. With that in mind, I should probably have been born into a Roman Catholic family. Instead, by God's mercy, I was born into a family that told me of Jesus at a young age. I grew up with parents that were concerned that I be cared for, so they sacrificed to put my sister and I through Christian school. When none was available, they homeschooled us. They worked hard to do what they thought was best for us. I however, found myself conforming to the ways of my parents instead of accepting it as my own. I always questioned how I could know this faith was real and not merely a by-product of my culture.
Because of my family heritage (and because my family moved a lot when I was young), I was always interested in other cultures and languages. In high school, I began learning German. My family was very passionate about reaching other cultures, so for 2 years, we had foregin exchange students from Germany live with us (though my sister and I tried so hard, we were never able to convince my parents to get the cute guy from Russia. *sigh*)
In college, I lived with one of our exchange student's family for a summer. The questions I had always had in the back of my mind (how can I know this is real? does religion simply depend on where you grow up? are there really absolute truths? it's possible to be convinced but to be wrong, so how can I know my convictions aren't wrong? etc.)... these and more questions welled up for years, yet I never found a satisfying answer. For me, "just have faith" was not sufficient. My heart was longing for answers that could not be found. Throughout high school and college, I began to believe that there was not absolute truth - that each individual simply needed to do what they believed was best and that as long as you were genuine, you were okay. I believed that you could not know for sure and therefore it didn't matter. God didn't matter. How I lived my life didn't matter.
I could not have been further from the truth.
Outwardly my life reflected the good "Christian" I was thought to be. Inwardly, I knew that was not the case. Conforming was easier. And since I was in a Christian culture, I conformed. During this time, I came to know people who (like me) were sinners. But the background I grew up in was not a culture of confessing sin to God and relying on other's support for help - it was a background of hiding your sin and legalistically pretending that all was okay. As long as you looked good on the outside, no one asked questions. Everyone seemed more concerned with others thinking you were perfect than dealing with the root of the problems.
I began to believe that I deserved more and that I was the victim. I expected people to meet my expectations. I looked at wrongs done to me as greater than my sin that killed Christ. I thought no one understood me. No one cared for my soul, they were more concerned with my actions. And I was tired of playing the game. I had played the game for 23 years and was sick of it.
I was done. Game over.
Three days before college graduation, I was expelled from school. For me, that was the final straw. There seemed to be no point conforming anymore. To me, all this "game" was was "put on a good show and no one knows the real you." And no one cared to see the dirt and grime. But I wanted someone to know me. I wanted for someone to love me for who I was, not for who I appeared to be.
In my desperate lonliness, I then conformed to a different culture - the world's. I sought satisfaction in everything I desired. There was nothing "off limits" for me at that point. I did what I wanted, I bought what I wanted, I served only myself and convinced myself that this was the best I could ever hope for. At this point in my life, there was no difference in who I was from the previous years, simply a difference in what I did. I did not believe there was any eternal happiness possible. Life was hard, the best I could do is simply cope and then I'd die. A life of miserable "coping" is not a life worth living. That was my assumption.
At that point, a friend of mine introduced me to a Christian counselor named Rick Thomas. I was not thrilled to be talking to him. I had my idea of who he was and what he would say. He turned out to be very different than that assumption. After some time of building a friendship with Rick and his wife Lucia, they told me of a place where people cared about you, weren't judgmental of who you are, and truly loved you for who you are not simply how you appear. I remember telling Rick "I don't believe that exists, but if it did, that would be the best place ever."
I was convinced to prove him wrong.
I had told Rick I would come on August 3rd, 2003 to the first public meeting of Grace Covenant Church (now Sovereign Grace Church), but I was too hungover to be out of bed by 10 AM. When Rick called to see where I was, I told him the truth, thinking he would be shocked and leave me alone. He didn't. He invited me to come the following Sunday. On August 10th, 2003, I came simply to prove to him that what he thought of this church was wrong (and to get him off my back). That Sunday, the pastor and his wife invited me to come to their house the following Sunday for lunch. Free food? Sure, I'd sit through 2 hours of anything for a free homecooked meal. So, I came back. I ended up at their house from noon until 10PM that night talking to (and mocking) them for what they believed. But they were patient and loving each step of the way.
That was unexpected and made me question why.
Fast forward... I came and left the church countless times over the next 6 months. One morning, I met Jim (our senior pastor) and Rick (counselor/pastor) for breakfast at Jack in the Box. I remember Jim asked me if I was a Christian. I said yes. He asked why I believed that. I told him because I knew that Jesus was God's Son and that He died on the cross to save sins. I will never forget what Jim said to me next. He said. "Emily, Satan believes that too. Tell me, why is he condemned to hell for all eternity and you expect any different. What makes you different from him?" I had no answer. For the first time in my life, I was scared about that.
Fast forward again... I came and left again countless times over the next 6 months. I would show up at church dressed immodestly, hungover or high and mocking so many of those that were there to worship God. But despite my antagonism, these people loved me and cared. They were different. I couldn't explain it. God used that love to show me the meaning of the phrase "the kindness of God leads to repentence." One Saturday, again, Jim, Rick and I met for breakfast - this time at Cracker Barrel. I remember Jim sitting across from me with tears in his eyes, pleading for me to change. Pleading for me to repent. A man I had only known for a few short months, was broken over my lack of brokenness. He cried, pleading with me to repent.
He cried tears of love and it cut to my core.
God used the kindness of my church family to lead me to my Savior. He used free homecooked meals, little notes and cards, countless tear-filled prayers, trips to amusement parks (another long story) and so much more to show me His love. I didn't earn the love I was shown. I tried to push it away. Yet they pursued. God Himself pursued me. As I was running away, He came running after me. He came after His little loss sheep. It was unexpected, unwanted, and supremely kind.
About 2 1/2 years ago, God drew my hard soul to Him. He broke the walls down and showed me true hope - it happened after a trip to Carowinds (an amusement park in Charlotte, NC). That trip could be a separate post, and maybe one day will be, but to summarize, what I saw that day was a group of eight 20 somethings who were serving each other, loving each other and prayed for God to be glorified in all they did that day. My thought was "that's stupid. God's not at an amusement park, He's in church."
That day, He proved me wrong.
This thing called the "gospel" affected how those seven people lived that day. As Jess prayed for God to be glorified, something in my heart told me to simply watch. See if what they believe matched how they lived that day. So, I watched what I now know as the gospel, played out in human form that day. The Cross of Christ had changed their hearts, and was producing beautiful fruit. This truth I had been hearing about, didn't just affect the pastors, it changed how those people spent a day at an amusement park - those people I referred to as "stupid 5th graders" showed me true maturity that day. I had no explanation. They were serving. They were unselfish. They were loving.
It was different and SO appealing. The hope they had - I longed for that.
God's kindness, as displayed that day through my friends, blew me away. It had changed them and that could not be denied.
Through God's grace, new life was breathed into my dead soul. I am undeserving of that grace. God's kindess led my sinful soul to repentence of my infinite sins and to a trusting faith in Jesus as my only Hope. Not a "coping" anymore - this truth became a new reality. This was a new life. It was beautiful. The awful cross became to me a place of sheer beauty. Though I wanted to look away in shame, He drew me closer, ever reminding me that my shame was paid for completely in full on that bloody cross. There is NO PART of my sin that was not exponged that day.
I am truly undeserving of such grace. All praise to my God, for He is infinitely worthy!
Because of my family heritage (and because my family moved a lot when I was young), I was always interested in other cultures and languages. In high school, I began learning German. My family was very passionate about reaching other cultures, so for 2 years, we had foregin exchange students from Germany live with us (though my sister and I tried so hard, we were never able to convince my parents to get the cute guy from Russia. *sigh*)
In college, I lived with one of our exchange student's family for a summer. The questions I had always had in the back of my mind (how can I know this is real? does religion simply depend on where you grow up? are there really absolute truths? it's possible to be convinced but to be wrong, so how can I know my convictions aren't wrong? etc.)... these and more questions welled up for years, yet I never found a satisfying answer. For me, "just have faith" was not sufficient. My heart was longing for answers that could not be found. Throughout high school and college, I began to believe that there was not absolute truth - that each individual simply needed to do what they believed was best and that as long as you were genuine, you were okay. I believed that you could not know for sure and therefore it didn't matter. God didn't matter. How I lived my life didn't matter.
I could not have been further from the truth.
Outwardly my life reflected the good "Christian" I was thought to be. Inwardly, I knew that was not the case. Conforming was easier. And since I was in a Christian culture, I conformed. During this time, I came to know people who (like me) were sinners. But the background I grew up in was not a culture of confessing sin to God and relying on other's support for help - it was a background of hiding your sin and legalistically pretending that all was okay. As long as you looked good on the outside, no one asked questions. Everyone seemed more concerned with others thinking you were perfect than dealing with the root of the problems.
I began to believe that I deserved more and that I was the victim. I expected people to meet my expectations. I looked at wrongs done to me as greater than my sin that killed Christ. I thought no one understood me. No one cared for my soul, they were more concerned with my actions. And I was tired of playing the game. I had played the game for 23 years and was sick of it.
I was done. Game over.
Three days before college graduation, I was expelled from school. For me, that was the final straw. There seemed to be no point conforming anymore. To me, all this "game" was was "put on a good show and no one knows the real you." And no one cared to see the dirt and grime. But I wanted someone to know me. I wanted for someone to love me for who I was, not for who I appeared to be.
In my desperate lonliness, I then conformed to a different culture - the world's. I sought satisfaction in everything I desired. There was nothing "off limits" for me at that point. I did what I wanted, I bought what I wanted, I served only myself and convinced myself that this was the best I could ever hope for. At this point in my life, there was no difference in who I was from the previous years, simply a difference in what I did. I did not believe there was any eternal happiness possible. Life was hard, the best I could do is simply cope and then I'd die. A life of miserable "coping" is not a life worth living. That was my assumption.
At that point, a friend of mine introduced me to a Christian counselor named Rick Thomas. I was not thrilled to be talking to him. I had my idea of who he was and what he would say. He turned out to be very different than that assumption. After some time of building a friendship with Rick and his wife Lucia, they told me of a place where people cared about you, weren't judgmental of who you are, and truly loved you for who you are not simply how you appear. I remember telling Rick "I don't believe that exists, but if it did, that would be the best place ever."
I was convinced to prove him wrong.
I had told Rick I would come on August 3rd, 2003 to the first public meeting of Grace Covenant Church (now Sovereign Grace Church), but I was too hungover to be out of bed by 10 AM. When Rick called to see where I was, I told him the truth, thinking he would be shocked and leave me alone. He didn't. He invited me to come the following Sunday. On August 10th, 2003, I came simply to prove to him that what he thought of this church was wrong (and to get him off my back). That Sunday, the pastor and his wife invited me to come to their house the following Sunday for lunch. Free food? Sure, I'd sit through 2 hours of anything for a free homecooked meal. So, I came back. I ended up at their house from noon until 10PM that night talking to (and mocking) them for what they believed. But they were patient and loving each step of the way.
That was unexpected and made me question why.
Fast forward... I came and left the church countless times over the next 6 months. One morning, I met Jim (our senior pastor) and Rick (counselor/pastor) for breakfast at Jack in the Box. I remember Jim asked me if I was a Christian. I said yes. He asked why I believed that. I told him because I knew that Jesus was God's Son and that He died on the cross to save sins. I will never forget what Jim said to me next. He said. "Emily, Satan believes that too. Tell me, why is he condemned to hell for all eternity and you expect any different. What makes you different from him?" I had no answer. For the first time in my life, I was scared about that.
Fast forward again... I came and left again countless times over the next 6 months. I would show up at church dressed immodestly, hungover or high and mocking so many of those that were there to worship God. But despite my antagonism, these people loved me and cared. They were different. I couldn't explain it. God used that love to show me the meaning of the phrase "the kindness of God leads to repentence." One Saturday, again, Jim, Rick and I met for breakfast - this time at Cracker Barrel. I remember Jim sitting across from me with tears in his eyes, pleading for me to change. Pleading for me to repent. A man I had only known for a few short months, was broken over my lack of brokenness. He cried, pleading with me to repent.
He cried tears of love and it cut to my core.
God used the kindness of my church family to lead me to my Savior. He used free homecooked meals, little notes and cards, countless tear-filled prayers, trips to amusement parks (another long story) and so much more to show me His love. I didn't earn the love I was shown. I tried to push it away. Yet they pursued. God Himself pursued me. As I was running away, He came running after me. He came after His little loss sheep. It was unexpected, unwanted, and supremely kind.
About 2 1/2 years ago, God drew my hard soul to Him. He broke the walls down and showed me true hope - it happened after a trip to Carowinds (an amusement park in Charlotte, NC). That trip could be a separate post, and maybe one day will be, but to summarize, what I saw that day was a group of eight 20 somethings who were serving each other, loving each other and prayed for God to be glorified in all they did that day. My thought was "that's stupid. God's not at an amusement park, He's in church."
That day, He proved me wrong.
This thing called the "gospel" affected how those seven people lived that day. As Jess prayed for God to be glorified, something in my heart told me to simply watch. See if what they believe matched how they lived that day. So, I watched what I now know as the gospel, played out in human form that day. The Cross of Christ had changed their hearts, and was producing beautiful fruit. This truth I had been hearing about, didn't just affect the pastors, it changed how those people spent a day at an amusement park - those people I referred to as "stupid 5th graders" showed me true maturity that day. I had no explanation. They were serving. They were unselfish. They were loving.
It was different and SO appealing. The hope they had - I longed for that.
God's kindness, as displayed that day through my friends, blew me away. It had changed them and that could not be denied.
Through God's grace, new life was breathed into my dead soul. I am undeserving of that grace. God's kindess led my sinful soul to repentence of my infinite sins and to a trusting faith in Jesus as my only Hope. Not a "coping" anymore - this truth became a new reality. This was a new life. It was beautiful. The awful cross became to me a place of sheer beauty. Though I wanted to look away in shame, He drew me closer, ever reminding me that my shame was paid for completely in full on that bloody cross. There is NO PART of my sin that was not exponged that day.
I am truly undeserving of such grace. All praise to my God, for He is infinitely worthy!
That's my story. Its just beginning. I can't wait to see how it ends. I can't wait to meet my Jesus, walk hand in hand with Him and see His face. I was created for Him. He drew me to Him. He upholds me now through trials. He is beautiful to me.
I'm looking forward to the next step of this journey on May 18th. God is truly good. I'm eternally grateful.
The story He has written for me is amazing and humbling. It is only by God's mercy I am where I am today. His grace is beautiful.
Blindness
Today is Sunday - a day of worship - a day to reflect on the amazing grace of God and His wonderful blessings in our lives. Praise God, I have not had a migraine since last Sunday, and though I have had auras, headaches, etc, I was able to sing today during worship. Despite the seeming unending technical difficulties with the sound system, it was such an encouragement to stand and view the faces of my church family - many who are suffering, many who are weary - to see those faces offering a sacrifice of praise to God - the One who faithfully sustains through all trials.To see hands lifted high in worship to the One who cried tears so that their eyes could be dried. To see Jim singing with tear-filled eyes, sorrowing for the loss of his dear wife and best friend of so many years. To see Rose catch my eye with a smile on her face, realizing that my standing there was an answer to her prayers. To see Christa, with both hands lifted high and a smile on her face not because of her uncomfortable silence, but because her trustworthy God is proving Himself to be greater. To see Jimmy standing on the front row speechless, with joy on his face - and knowing that he slept last night after countless nights of insomnia! To see Dave working on the sound board, rejoicing that He's able to stand today and not be in so much pain that he can't be at church. To see new faces, that for the first time were experiencing that time of corporate worship. To see Kayce, knowing this was her second worship service as a Christian - I'm overwhelmed by God's greatness at work in our midst. Its an honor to stand side by side with such faithful Christians approaching the Throne of Grace together.
During our worship rehersal this morning, we were practicing "Grace Unmeasured" and Jim took a moment to point out to the band an evidence of grace in Danny Robert's life. Danny (our pianist) is in his young twenties and he and his wife, Nikki had a son 2 1/2 months ago. Baby Bentley had to be rushed to the NICU shortly after birth and spent the first few weeks of his life struggling to survive. By God's grace, Bentley came to church last Sunday for the first time. What a joy to see his tiny body in his mother's arms. What a sweet time of rejocing that was.
And then to find out today that Bentley is legally blind and may never see clearly or live a "normal" life. To hear Danny talk about that with a smile on his face because he knows that God will continue to sustain. To see gratefulness in his heart overflowing through his sparkling eyes because his dear son should be dead, but is still miraculously with us. What an evidence of God's overwhelming and abundant grace at work.
I have much to learn from Danny and Nikki. I thank God for bringing them to us 2 years ago. Our body would not be the same without them.
I pray that God in His abundant mercy would heal Bentley. But I realized today that if He doesn't do this, that the first face Bentley will ever see is the face of His Creator! What an honor! What a joy that would be!! To be blind, with no grasp of beauty and then to wake up to complete Beauty that is ever-present. To see men as "trees walking" and then walk hand in hand with the One who heals both soul and body!
I pray that God would most importantly draw dear Bentley to Him - that He would resuce His soul and provide a peace that has nothing to do with physical blindness. I know He can do this, for He has healed my spiritual blindness. He caused my scaly eyes to view a glimpse of His glory on the amazing, horrible Cross. I pray the same for Bentley. And I pray that the Jesus who had mercy on the weak and hurting, would show, yet again, his abundant mercy on His weak and hurting children - that He would lavish Danny and Nikki with overflowing, ever-present, tender grace.
Feelings or Truth?
What I feel:
1. Migraines are overwhelming
2. When you don't feel well, your life stops
3. Its hard to not let sickness control you because it does control how you feel
4. I'm confused, tired and deprived of energy though I've slept a lot in the last week
5. Its hard to balance - not drawing attention to this by also not ignoring the problem by pridefully thinking I don't need help, prayer and support.
What is true:
1. His power is made perfect in my weakness (2. Cor 12:9)
2. He does not tempt unecessarily but has promised to also provide a way of escape (1. Cor 10:13)
3. He does not hold back His mercy, but always preserves (Psalm 40:11)
4. My hope is guarded, that's why no matter what, I can rejoice (1 Peter 1:3-9)
5. He meets needs - quenches thirst, satisfies hunger (Revelation 22:17)
What this means:
When I'm weak, I can rejoice in His strength. When I'm confused, I find comfort in the fact that He does not harm His children - He does what is best so I can be conformed to look more like Him. Sometimes that involves pain. Sometimes that means I'll suffer. Why is that a surprise? He suffered. He endured severe pain. He overcame because I'm weak and have no strength to overcome. His mercies are new every morning. When I wake up tomorrow with yet another migraine, I have confidence that His mercies are there to sustain. How I feel does not determine who I am. It does not define me. What defines me is the hope that I have been freely given. What a joy He provides. This is not a shallow hope that can be changed by a slight temporary pain. This pain will go away. But praise God, my Father won't! He won't ever change. He will always be faithful. He will always be kind and loving and compassionate.
Where I've seen and learned this:
My church has been so cool. Prayers. Phone calls. Support. Car rides. What does earnest love feel like? Come to SGC - it's a way of life.
Jesus works at a Coffee Shop
Something that Rick mentions often with his kids is this: when they do something right, its not simply "good job, that was nice, I'm proud of you." Instead what he says is "thank you for looking like Jesus when you did that." What an eternal perspective that gives the mundane tasks we encounter on a daily basis. Evidences of grace are not only to be found in the walking-on-the-water moments of life, but every day - everywhere. If the heavens themselves declare God's glory, why are we so often surprised when we see it around us?
So, yesterday, I was at the Silver Chair - just sitting and journaling. For the sake of everyone who reads this blog, I won't post the entire journal entry (3 pages, font size 8 and 10) but if your'e interested, let me know and I'd be happy to send it to you. The time began with Ps. 139 - how precious to me are your thoughts, oh God! - Do you ever have those "aha" moments where something you've "known" for your entire life suddenly takes on new meaning? Well, that's what happened here. I had always interpreted this verse as saying "how precious are your thoughts of me oh God" and looked at it as the way God viewes us post-regeneration. But I don't quite think that was the Psalmist's intent. It says "how precious to me are your thoughts..." So, that spurned 3 hours of meditation on the thoughts of God. What do they mean? What do they signify? What implications do God's thoughts have on my life?
As I was processing and working through my thoughts on thoughts (hehe! i'm smiling right now as I'm thinking of my fellow-muser Jess R) =). So, there I was, away from the world, and lo and behold... who was there?... I ran into Jesus. Not just a book about Jesus, but the life and heart of Jesus at work on display. Matt McCarnan was working last night at the store. Those glimpses of God started the moment I walked in. Here's how it progressed...
"hi"
"hey there. have you ever been here before?"
"nope. a great friend told me it was a nice cozy place to think and I believe that would do me a lot of good. can i get some tea before i sit down?"
"well, i knew you would ask, so i'm actually already heating the water for you. Pick out the kind you want, find a place to sit and I'll bring it to you."
aside here - seriously, who anticipates needs like this? I'd never been there before. I've never that I can remember had a cup of tea when Matt's around. So, the evening continued...
"I think I'll sit on this comfy looking couch here."
"yeah its great - I've practically slept there before."
"um... is there an outlet nearby? my laptop doesn't last long without some juice."
this was the point when Matt is on his knees pulling books off the shelf to find an outlet behind them.
"um. its okay. i can sit somewhere else."
"don't be ridiculous... you're gonna sit here."
"um. okay. but seriously..."
"just stop it. I'm finding you a solution here. now sit down and let me do my job."
not exact words but that was the basic idea. :) So, he comes back a second later with a power strip, finds an old plug, unplugs what's there and plugs it into the power strip and then proceeds to hold out his hand (I was sitting at this point on the couch) and takes my power strip and plugs it in so I didn't have to get up. Feeling guilty for him serving so painstakingly (note: painstakingly is a synonym for earnestly... sound familiar?), I got up to go get my tea. I take the little pot with flowers on it and sit back down. I drink a cup and then realize I'd like a little sugar and cream. So, I get back up and get it. I ask him if he'd mind taking the teabag out of the pot b/c I think its been there long enough. He does. The evening goes on.
Later I order a second pot of tea, simply as a bladder cleansing ritual (well, that's what my body thought... I ordered it because it was yummy!) When it's done, he brings it to me. About 5 minutes later, I look to take the teabag out and lo and behold it wasn't there. Mr. Jesus-impersonater had thought ahead and already done it.
What an encouragement those little things (and so many more) were to me last night. I entered the bookstore parched, weary and desperately begging for the Holy Spirit to refresh me. It happened in an unexpected manner. I left the bookstore having seen a personal flesh-and-blood example of the sermon from Sunday. I left having experienced what it means to be earnestly loved. One question from Sunday was "what does gospel love feel like?" It felt like I felt when I left the Silver Chair last night at 9:54. I felt blessed. I felt overwhelmed with God' goodness as displayed through Matt. I was blown away by his humility.
I know if you ask Matt, he would simply say he was doing his job. That's ridiculous. His job is to make sure no one who wants to buy something can't find the employee. His job is to learn more about the books they sell. His job is simply to make coffee and keep the overall peace. He did far more. He served. He loved. It was cool. It "felt" great to see this gospel love and service. It felt like I was looking at Jesus. It felt like a cold shower after a long run on a hot day or like a cup of hot chocolate on a cold, rainy day. It felt refreshing, encouraging and renewing.
So, yesterday, I was at the Silver Chair - just sitting and journaling. For the sake of everyone who reads this blog, I won't post the entire journal entry (3 pages, font size 8 and 10) but if your'e interested, let me know and I'd be happy to send it to you. The time began with Ps. 139 - how precious to me are your thoughts, oh God! - Do you ever have those "aha" moments where something you've "known" for your entire life suddenly takes on new meaning? Well, that's what happened here. I had always interpreted this verse as saying "how precious are your thoughts of me oh God" and looked at it as the way God viewes us post-regeneration. But I don't quite think that was the Psalmist's intent. It says "how precious to me are your thoughts..." So, that spurned 3 hours of meditation on the thoughts of God. What do they mean? What do they signify? What implications do God's thoughts have on my life?
As I was processing and working through my thoughts on thoughts (hehe! i'm smiling right now as I'm thinking of my fellow-muser Jess R) =). So, there I was, away from the world, and lo and behold... who was there?... I ran into Jesus. Not just a book about Jesus, but the life and heart of Jesus at work on display. Matt McCarnan was working last night at the store. Those glimpses of God started the moment I walked in. Here's how it progressed...
"hi"
"hey there. have you ever been here before?"
"nope. a great friend told me it was a nice cozy place to think and I believe that would do me a lot of good. can i get some tea before i sit down?"
"well, i knew you would ask, so i'm actually already heating the water for you. Pick out the kind you want, find a place to sit and I'll bring it to you."
aside here - seriously, who anticipates needs like this? I'd never been there before. I've never that I can remember had a cup of tea when Matt's around. So, the evening continued...
"I think I'll sit on this comfy looking couch here."
"yeah its great - I've practically slept there before."
"um... is there an outlet nearby? my laptop doesn't last long without some juice."
this was the point when Matt is on his knees pulling books off the shelf to find an outlet behind them.
"um. its okay. i can sit somewhere else."
"don't be ridiculous... you're gonna sit here."
"um. okay. but seriously..."
"just stop it. I'm finding you a solution here. now sit down and let me do my job."
not exact words but that was the basic idea. :) So, he comes back a second later with a power strip, finds an old plug, unplugs what's there and plugs it into the power strip and then proceeds to hold out his hand (I was sitting at this point on the couch) and takes my power strip and plugs it in so I didn't have to get up. Feeling guilty for him serving so painstakingly (note: painstakingly is a synonym for earnestly... sound familiar?), I got up to go get my tea. I take the little pot with flowers on it and sit back down. I drink a cup and then realize I'd like a little sugar and cream. So, I get back up and get it. I ask him if he'd mind taking the teabag out of the pot b/c I think its been there long enough. He does. The evening goes on.
Later I order a second pot of tea, simply as a bladder cleansing ritual (well, that's what my body thought... I ordered it because it was yummy!) When it's done, he brings it to me. About 5 minutes later, I look to take the teabag out and lo and behold it wasn't there. Mr. Jesus-impersonater had thought ahead and already done it.
What an encouragement those little things (and so many more) were to me last night. I entered the bookstore parched, weary and desperately begging for the Holy Spirit to refresh me. It happened in an unexpected manner. I left the bookstore having seen a personal flesh-and-blood example of the sermon from Sunday. I left having experienced what it means to be earnestly loved. One question from Sunday was "what does gospel love feel like?" It felt like I felt when I left the Silver Chair last night at 9:54. I felt blessed. I felt overwhelmed with God' goodness as displayed through Matt. I was blown away by his humility.
I know if you ask Matt, he would simply say he was doing his job. That's ridiculous. His job is to make sure no one who wants to buy something can't find the employee. His job is to learn more about the books they sell. His job is simply to make coffee and keep the overall peace. He did far more. He served. He loved. It was cool. It "felt" great to see this gospel love and service. It felt like I was looking at Jesus. It felt like a cold shower after a long run on a hot day or like a cup of hot chocolate on a cold, rainy day. It felt refreshing, encouraging and renewing.
The Importance of Being Earnest
I Peter 1:22 -25 "Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God; for "All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever." And this word is the good news that was preached to you."
There is a transition in 1st Peter from faith to hope to love. Our faith results in hope, that hope and faith results in an outworking of love to others. Revelation (faith) always requires a response (hope and love). To Love means to be loving in our actions, speech and attitudes.
There is a transition in 1st Peter from faith to hope to love. Our faith results in hope, that hope and faith results in an outworking of love to others. Revelation (faith) always requires a response (hope and love). To Love means to be loving in our actions, speech and attitudes.
- Definition: "earnest"
Serious in intention, serious in purpose, serious in effort, to be sincerely zealous
showing depth and sincerity of feeling.
Fell seriousness as of intention or purpose - Synonyms: ardently, diligently, energetically, strenuously, intensely, intensively, painstakingly, throroughly, entirely
- The Greek word earnestly could be translated as: Strongly, deeply felt and fervent
This word is only used two more times in the New Testament:
In the Garden of Gethsemane: Jesus prayed earnestly
Peter was in prison: the people made earnest prayer- then the angel released him
Questions to think about:
Are you earnest enough?
Are you ardently (diligently) loving your family, who are Christians?
Children, do you intensely love your mom and dad who are Christians?
Parents, do we painstakingly love our children?
Do we entirely love our spouse/ friends or is our love conditional?
How is our earnestness? Is it enough?
Are we diligent with our Christian friends?
Are we energetic and strenuous enough in our love for those in our caregroup? If friends and caregroup don’t go together, then we are not earnest enough. It is not about others – this is about ourselves and whether we are earnest enough.
Are we intensively loving those in our local church?
Are we painstakingly and unwaveringly loving our Christian “enemies” – even though they are our brothers and our sisters?
So, with that in mind, what's the importance of "being earnest"?
Part of it is this ... revelation requires a response. If I'm not earnestly loving those who God has placed around me, then that shows some other serious issues. If I'm not painstakingly seeking to serve, then I must question why the glorious revelation does not affect my steps. If I'm being unmerciful, maybe I should stop and look at the log in my own eye. If my actions don't show love, can I truly say that I do? Love is not a feeling based on common understandings and goals - it is sacrificial - look no further than the cross.
I think that often in my life, I only tend to repent of as Jim called them "sins of commission" and I negelect the "sins of ommission." It's obvious that if/when I lie, I should confess. But when I fail to serve (fail to love), my response should be the same. I should be as brokenhearted and convicted over not loving my friends as I am when I deceive them.
We don’t have to be permanently dysfunctional because of our past. Even though everything in my heart condemns me, God is greater! "Woe is me" in Scripture leads to change, not a self-pity standstill.
What is the solution to all of this discouragement? verse 22 “obedience to the truth”. Our response to the gospel is because of our transformation by the gospel (we are to love one another earnestly). “Since you have been born again” – this is our hope for obedience in loving one another. Our hope is that our seed will not go away – the seed of the gospel, that will grow in us, is an imperishable seed, that will not go away, that will not perish – the gospel is alive and active and it abides in us – the new life we have been given will never be destroyed, it will never fade or fail – the seed is imperishable.
Because of who we already are, we are to act this way – loving one another earnestly – and our confidence begins and ends in the hope of the gospel. This command is not meant to be burdensome. Love one another earnestly is impossible but if we have faith in Jesus, we can do it through the gospel. The gospel is the power of God unto salvation for everyone who believes - it is the only hope for change.
We have been born again and because we’ve been born again, we are to obey and we can only obey because of the gospel, resting in the gospel. The gospel is the power and motivation for all obedience. It is our example, our motive and the power for everything that we need. The gospel is the Word of God, all that we need for life and godliness.
Looks like we're back to the 2 answers: the gospel and pride. how do I love? by repenting of my pride / seflishness / etc. not by an "I'll do better" attitude, rather by repentence and dependence on the gospel. My hope for love is the gospel. The importance of being earnest is because my life is a picture of the gospel. By being earnest, I display grace and Christ's love to others.
by the way, if you look closely at the picture, you will find one guy confessing sin and the other sitting across the table just smiling. =)
Concert Highlights
I just wanted to post a few highlights from the concert we went to last night (Bethany Dillon, Shane & Shane, and Starfield). Aside from the fact that the music was simply awesome and we were on the first row... here's what were the group highlights to me...
- Travis so generously offering us 7 free tickets so that those of us who couldn't afford to go were able to attend!!!
- JB's leadership in planning in detail every part of the trip. Nothing was overlooked! Great job man! You're a hero!
- Christa worshiping with a smile on her face singing "Embracing Accusations" by Shane and Shane.
- the Holy Sprit obviously working in Jess R's heart. I pray she left encouraged.
- Justin's first concert - seeing him worshipping God without fear, enjoying himself and leaving the concert with a music library that just took a big step out of his comfort zone.
- realizing that our band isn't really that awesome after all and making Sarah squeal with the thought of it (though I still would have to say we're a close second!) =)
- hearing a presentation on feeding orphans focusing on their spiritual need of the gospel and using a hungry belly as a means to share the light with them.
- Great times of friendship-building and earnest fellowship in the car ride there and back (how many crazy voices can one guy do, seriously!?)
- Josh R's generosity to buy dinner for Jess and Matt (the 2 drivers) and JB's ridiculous generosity in the amount he secretly paid for gas.
As much as the bands joked about the transitions, I thought they did a great job. Considering broken guitar strings and all... Looking at it from a sound and worship team standpoint, it was very well done (few typos in the slide shows, but only an anal freak like me would notice stuff like that). Overall, though here's what the concert meant on a personal level...
- literally feeling my heart pump faster as the bass rocked
- Singing "unashamed" and realizing the change that God has worked in my heart since the first time I heard it at Na07. I still can't sing that song without thinking of Bob Kauflin's "what part of your sin?" Realinzing that living unashamed means "live in the good of all that I paid for."
- realizing I can embrace the accusations of Satan (Gal 3:10) because I'm aware the answer is in the next verse - the answer isn't that I can't do it but the answer is this: "Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us" (Gal 3:13)
- being once again reminded that there is an answer to hunger. there is an answer to always being discontent and longing for more (John 6:35 Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.")
Great concert! Great focus on the Gospel! Go buy the CD's! (starfield and shane and shane cds are both a "double-take" on i-Tunes - 2 cd's for the price of one!) What an amazing, patient, kind and awesome God we serve. What hope that brings! How grateful I am for these glimpses.
Sunday Songs
Intro
I Come Running
My Hope Is Built On Nothing Less
In Christ Alone
Be Thou My Vision
Lord Jesus Come
Because Of You
i was thinking about the songs we'll be singing on Sunday and how they all acknowledge our need for our Savior. He is working all things to our good, I am blind - He's my light, He is my hope, He is my strength, He is my Vision, He is coming (2nd coming, and present indwelling of Spirit), and its all because of His Work on the cross!
You'll Never Guess Who I Just Saw...
So, last night I saw Jesus. Well, I guess the proper way to say that would be that I saw a reflection of Jesus. But you know how sometimes you look in the water and the reflection is not clear and then other times you look and its just like looking into a sea of glass - the water is so smooth that you not only see a distorted figure, but instead details clearer than you ever thought possible through a mirror? That's what last night was. The picture I saw of Jesus was beautiful. It was absolutely stunning!
SuperBowl XVII - Giants vs Patriots. Feb 3rd 2008, though for me won't be remembered only by the great upset, fumbles, amazing passes and according to Rick, the best Super Bowl game ever played by mankind. It won't be remembered by the fantastic memories such as Hannah performing CPR on herself, Josh R almost throwing up on Jess, and me scaring everyone with "the Vampire." Instead, it will be remembered much longer for the glimpse of my sweet Savior. Matt Rawlings encouraged the guys to lead by planning and organizing the entire event. So, the guys, led by JB, stepped up to the plate and hit a grand slam. We gals asked probably a million times over the last few weeks "can we do anything to help? can we bring anything? please let us do something..." And each time they just smiled and said "we've got it all under control" yet each time I could see a slight fear in their eyes and a hesitation to even acknowledge that it was all under control. When, at lunch the guys said things along the lines of "we don't know how to make cheese dip - I hope it turns out" it didn't cause me to arrive with high expectations.
To be honest with you, I went into tonight expecting to have fun, have a half-decent dinner but more than that to simply enjoy the fellowship with my brothers and friends. I knew I would have a good time, and I knew we would have something edible for dinner, but that was about it. The guys sent us upstairs as soon as we got there so they could finish the preparations. When they called us downstairs I was in awe. Never in a million years did I expect what was waiting for us in the dining room. What a beautiful spread!!! What preparation and detail they put into this event simply to bless and encourage us. What a clear picture of the unfailing love of my Savior - the minute details were planned. The entire thing was breathtaking. Nothing was random. Everything was planned and detailed. All the way down to the napkins spiraled around simply to make it pretty. Seriously, what guy would think to "spiral" a stack of napkins?? God was at work here and my respect and love for these guys was exponentially increased.
Biblical manhood was on display in a glorious way. You expect to see "men" at a SuperBowl party but we saw giants (and I'm not talking the team). Our drinks were not empty once (well, maybe once or twice when they were spilled). The whole time, the guys were caring and serving - it was an ongoing thing. They were not there for the game. They came to serve so that we could enjoy.
It was as if God was speaking to me and saying "Emily - look at what these guys did for all of you - they did this to serve all of you and they did it with joy and out of love for you. This is what I do too. I gave for you - I planned each event down to the most minute detail simply to show you my love. Nothing that happened here was random and nothing that happens in your life is random. Nothing here happened without sacrifice. Look at how much I love you! Look at the care I give! Not only did I meet your needs, I did it in a way that was good for you (hurray for fresh pineapple and grapes), in a way that was beautiful and specific and in a way that you enjoyed! Most of the work they did was behind the scenes and most of what I do in your life is the same - often you are unaware of the care I give - often you are unaware that I'm the One who's holding you up in the waves. But even when you're unaware - I'm there. And in my kindness for you, my Child, I give you little glimpses of who I am and what I've done and am doing."
Tonight was a glimpse. It was only the fringes of His ways. What lavish care my Father dumps on me. What amazing undeserved grace. WOW! I am still in tears as I think about it. During the prayer before dinner as JB was praying we'd be encouraged and blessed and that we would know how much we were loved - I don't think he fully knew the depths that it would go in my heart. What a magnificient, awe-inspiring, undeserved, beautiful friend my Jesus is!
Job 26:14 Behold, these are but the outskirts of his ways, and how small a whisper do we hear of him! But the thunder of his power who can understand?"
A Different Perspective
So, I was reading on Matt's new blog this morning (http://mattstacie.blogspot.com/) and was very convicted. His life operates from a very different perspective. Rick's thougths sum up what I was thinking:
"What comes out of his writings for me is a big Christ. He talks very little about himself (and when he does he makes a quick sprint to Christ and stays there) and you walk away with more awareness of Christ and Matt is sort of obscure. That was convicting and humbling as I was reading his articles."
I'm excited to read his thoughts. I'm excited to see this "big Christ" as I gain a deeper glimpse into Matt's soul. (specifically his application of the gospel to daily life and menial tasks: http://mattstacie.blogspot.com/2008/01/chinese-delivery-sports-and-god.html and http://mattstacie.blogspot.com/2008/01/jesus-blue-collar-worker.html).
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