die to live anew

God has been continuously reminding me of one thing this week... His unfailing, pursuing, incomprehensible, eternal, covenental love.

His death is the everlasting guarantee of that love. His gift of salvation to me... His soveriegn offering of union with Him proves to me His unfailing love and care. I long to explore the depths of that holy love. I am compelled to understand the richness in those depths.

"And as for your birth, on the day you were born your cord was not cut, nor were you washed with water to cleanse you … but you were cast out on the open field … “And when I passed by you and saw you wallowing in your blood, I said to you in your blood, 'Live!' I said to you in your blood, 'Live! … I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Lord GOD, and you became mine." Ezekiel 16

His is not a love that overlooks sin, rather a love that removes it. He did not merely forgive my debt, He paid it, wholly and completely.

Thanks Steve, for the reminder of what the cross did. I cannot think of your post without remembering the Crucifixion Narrative - a graphic display of the substitutionary full atonement achieved that day as the Perfect Man was cursed as He stood condemned in my place.

Thanks Josh (and Showbread), for the reminder through music that we cannot attain this life neither by peity nor by indulgence. Both lead to destruction.

But God... the Lamb...

He leads to life. He carries us to life. He redeems our life from the pit. He plants our feet on a Rock and breathes life into our dead soul. He opens our eyes and shows us His love.

I am loving these 2 albums. See Josh's blog for a great review, for he is more concise than I could ever hope to be. :)

When I survey the wondrous cross on which the Prince of glory died, my richest gain I count but loss, and pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast, save in the death of Christ my God! All the vain things that charm me most, I sacrifice them to His blood.

See from His head, His hands, His feet, sorrow and love flow mingled down! Did e’er such love and sorrow meet, or thorns compose so rich a crown?

Were the whole realm of nature mine, that were a present far too small; love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all. (Isaac Watts)

Father hear my voice, be it small. Here I am, though I am nothing at all. Dost thou still see something to love in me? If it be, You will carry me away that I might live today

To Christ, who won for sinners' grace by bitter grief and anguish sore; be praise from all the ransomed race, forever and forevermore. (additional lyrics by Showbread)

By God's grace, in union with Him, these thoughts will direct my life. This truth will provide light to my steps and hope to my often weary heart.

...but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5

... we were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. Romans 6

The Beginning - Showbread

Too Busy?

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. For the Lord will not cast off forever, but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love. Lamentations 3:21-25,31

I was reminded of these verses this morning. How I am grateful for the great faithfulness of my God and abundant mercies that are new every morning. If I were to describe this week as crazy, that would be an understatement. But I'm aware that the craziness is only beginning.

This week at work has consisted of long hours training my replacement for my current job, completing the tasks that have been on the "back burner" for months and finishing the training manual on how to do the tasks I do on a daily / weekly / monthly basis. It is a critical week for Monika (my replacement) because beginning on Monday, I will be swamped with learning my new job and will not have much (if any) time available for her training.

My relationship with God has slipped. Or better stated, plumeted off a cliff. To my shame, I've found myself "too busy" to read about God, "too tired" to pray and "too overwhelmed" to approach the only One who can assist me.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10:38-42

As I'm sitting here, distracted by all the preparations that need to be made, I have, like Martha, forgotten the main thing. Though its true that preparations need to be made, they cannot be my main focus. In my desire to end my current position with excellence, I cannot forget that my ultimate responsibility is not to my manager. My ultimate goal is not to properly train Monika. My ultimate task is to look to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my faith.

My coworker, Jay Tee, just walked by singing in his typical fashion. He either sings Christmas songs, or the good old-time-y gospel hymns. Today, He walked by my desk singing "all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer." (excerpt from "What a Friend we Have in Jesus"). Its exactly what I needed to hear.

I have a friend in Jesus.

He cares about my business.

He wants to reveal more of Himself to me through this time.

He gives abundant mercies to cover my loads of cares.

He is still my Refuge.

He is my Shield.

He bears my griefs.

He listenes to my prayers.

He strengthens in my weakness.

He patiently loves and simply reminds me to get back in line.

He reminds me what truly is necessary.

Trust or Apathy?

*warning* *you are about to enter a rambling journal entry from a slightly warped mind* :)

I don't know what's going on right now in my head (and I'm not talking about the bacterial infection lovingly known as "Mike" - he's still there but is withering, praise God!) What I'm referring to is this - I'm not worrying. I'm not concerned about tomorrow. I'm simply enjoying today. I'm taking things one at a time and that's it. I sat on my bedroom floor last night, completely relaxed just sitting there simply being happy doing nothing. I enjoyed an evening of roasting hot dogs and marshmallows with the kids and had no concern for my pile of dirty laundry. I went to bed early and woke up refreshed (albeit with a wicked headache that was crying for more sleep).

Honestly I don't know if this is what trusting God is (and feels) like. I don't know if I'm resting there or if I'm becoming apathetic. Sometimes I wonder if they can feel the same. Let me explain...

When I'm worrying, I am focused on each detail. I am concerned about every step, wondering what the answer is. I wonder if God has forgotten me and is deaf to my requests. But on the other hand, when I'm trusting, I have the freedom to simply rest in today, trust God as the One in control and find a sweet freedom there as I continue being faithful to each step He's called me to.

The only problem with that is my heart is deceitful. My heart is SO prone to wander. Apathy can also look like "resting in today and having no concern for tomorrow." It can look like "let go and let God." It can look like a desire for too much leisure and no desire to take up my sword and go to battle.

The issue with that is that God has called me to battle. Sure, he's called me to rest in Him, but there is still a warfare going on for the conquest of my soul, my thoughts, my desires, and my will. The battle for my soul was won on the cross when Christ compelled me by the love in the three words "it is finished," but the battle for my will continues daily through this process called sanctification - the process that is transforming selfish, sin-filled me into a daughter of God which miraculously reflects the image of my beautiful Jesus.

I fear I may be neglecting that battle. I wonder if I am beginning to use my physical pain as an excuse to neglect God. My overall devotion to God is there, and by His grace, is growing. But my devotion to the "small" things in life (give 100% in all things, take care of my body as a temple, die to selfishness and pride, yearn for the life-giving Word - thirst for that more than anything, etc) - the devotion is not there like I know it should be.

Now this is the point when I need to remind myself that in spite of ALL my failures, God is faithful. He who began a great work in me WILL complete it. By His grace and through His work, I WILL hear "welcome home, my good and faithful servant" - for when God looks at me, He sees the righteousness of the only Good and Faithful Servant.

But I need more grace. I am needy of the sustaining grace to continue the fight. I don't want to be content with my current status. I want to keep growing. I want God's work to continue transforming me. I need His reviving grace. I need His persevering grace.

Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint." —Isaiah 40:31

"The righteous shall hold on his way." —Job 17:9

"I will not leave you comfortless; I will come to you." —John 14:18

Even so, Lord Jesus, COME! Come to this heart that daily turns away. Continue to pursue. Continue to work. Be faithful to what You've promised. Continue what you've begun, for without that continual grace, I am without hope. I am so weak, and even my desire for growth is inhibited by my lack of ability to create the growth that only by your grace I desire. But praise God, my lack of ability is met by an all-sufficient Savior. How I need that all-sufficiency to once again pour its grace into my life. How needy I am each step of the way.

Do not let my heart become apathetic to your grace. Keep me within the distance of the cries of Calvary. Let my hope be in the words you cried that day - "it is finished..." "you will be with Me in Paradise..." "I thirst..." "my God, why have You forsaken Me?..." Sweet Jesus, you thirsted so that I could be filled. You were forsaken, so that I would be a part of the marvelous Family. You gave so that I might receive. Grant me once again, the grace to realize each step is by your grace alone.

Each promise uttered that day on the Cross was because of Your righteousness. Let that provide the hope to my apathetic soul. Let that compel my trust in You. Keep me close to that grace. Provide it, in your mercy, ever-abundantly to this needy soul.

Hope for Change

Following in line with the "is anybody home" post from a few days ago comes the question of hope. . When you're asking the same question(s) for years and no answer or hope of an answer seems apparent, it is easy to think that God's forgotten about those "days" in your life.

I was reading through 1 Peter 1 and I came across verse 13: "Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ."

That's a very different hope than one that is based on my physical circumstances. Its not a hope based on a job that pays well or relationships that have no struggles (or a relationship that's not there). Its a hope in the only One who will never disappoint, forget or leave me. Its a hope in my Father who loves me and gave His Son for me. Its a hope in an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading. Its an inheritance (adoption) because of the death of my dear Savior.

My Father knows my pain - He remembers I'm dust. How grateful I am that His patience as displayed with the children of Israel has not run out before it came to me. Looking back and seeing His faithfulness in my past gives me yet a deeper understanding of what it means to be "long-sufferring". And it reassures me that He will confidently and lovingly order my future steps that to me seem so unclear.

faithful to the faithless

I was reading on Carolyn McCulley's blog this morning and came across the post listed below. What struck me was God's faithfulness despite Naomi's complaining. Even in "Marah" God was faithful. Even through the bitterness there, He turned the waters sweet... How kind of God to provide for his stupid dull disciples like Naomi and me...

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God's Grace to Grumblers

Last month, I mentioned Iain Duguid's commentary on Esther and Ruth. It was one of the best books I read in 2007. There are so many wonderfully wise nuggets in it. One insight I particularly enjoyed was about Naomi. I often use Naomi's life as an illustration when I speak, encouraging women not to survey their circumstances and conclude that what they can perceive is all the God is doing. But I've never noted this particular aspect of God's mercy being revealed even in the new name that Naomi gave herself ("Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara") when she returned home to Bethlehem:

Like Naomi, we may be so busy complaining about our emptiness that we miss the fact that God has emptied our hands only in order to fill them with something so much better. Without Naomi's emptiness, she would never have left Moab behind and returned to the land of promise. Had she stayed contentedly "full" (as she thought) in Moab, Naomi would have missed out on the far greater blessing of a prime place in the history of redemption. She was so caught up in what she had lost, however, that she could not yet see the far greater treasure she had been given in Ruth, a token of God's grace to her. . . .

Even calling herself Mara should have caused Naomi to ponder more deeply the events that took place in that wilderness location, where in spite of his people's grumbling, God nonetheless turned the bitter water into sweet, and thereby demonstrated that he was "the Lord, your healer" (Ex. 15:26). Was that deliverance from their pain a reward for their goodness? Certainly not! It was a landmark measure of God's unfailing goodness and mercy upon an undeserving, rebellious, and grumbling people. Marah was not just the definitive place of grumbling bitterness, it was also the place where God's grace to grumblers was definitively displayed.

For some of you, the turning of the year may have been bittersweet. Perhaps you were able to close the door on a year dotted with loss and difficulty, but you look into the blank canvas of a new year with doubt and maybe even distrust. Like Naomi, you don't want people to call you pleasant any longer. But before you assign yourself the name of bitter, I hope you will take time to ponder God's quiet providence to both the wandering and grumbling Israelites and the despairing widow Naomi. God's grace to grumblers is evident throughout Scripture and even throughout our own personal experiences.

So it is with more confidence in the Father of mercies than in our present circumstances that I wish you the happiest of new years.
original post can be found at http://solofemininity.blogs.com/posts/2008/01/from-empty-to-f.html

When I don't feel like it...

This week's been a struggle for me. Physically I don't feel well and its amazing how that affects everything else. You have 32 teeth, but crack just one, and suddenly your world is a mess! Its times like this that I'm tempted to feel overwhelmed and discouraged (which I have this week). I feel like Sisyphus - pushing that rock up a hill and ultimately getting nowhere. I'm thankful that when i'm drowning there is a Rock that is higher than I.

God, help me not to cling to my circumstances, but instead to cling to You! Give me the strength to rely on you and give me the realization and comfort that ultimately You are the one holding on to me - that I don't have to worry about slipping and falling because I'm secure in You. Thank you for that strength that is greater than my weakness in circumstances. Give me an even greater awareness of it in the days ahead. Remind me once again that my life is not about ease in the present rather that I'm living now for an eternity with you. Refresh that hope in me.