In the waves...

So, this week, my mind has been, once again in the ditches. The ditch of the week has mostly been discouragement about my sin. Oh, and forgetting to view the cross as the answer to all my problems. That seems to be a consistent one for me. I see my failures and miss the cross. I see my weakness and miss His strength. I see my lack of passion and miss His unfailing faithfulness.

The sermon this past Sunday was on 1st Peter 1:1-9. As Matt was saying on Sunday in his illustration, when He takes Sarah (who's 3) into the ocean, she is scared to death. She is afraid because those big salty waves are so much more powerful than her and she knows it. She desperately tries to hold onto her daddy but her little fingers just don't quite do the job effectively. But wonder of wonders - this 3 year old doesn't drown. She doesn't sink in the waves never to be seen again. Why?? Because her daddy (who she's trying to no avail to hold on to) is holding on to her. He cares for her. He's put her in the waves to strengthen her trust in him. He's holding her in the waves to increase her confidence in him as provider. He is with her in the waves and would die before he'd let her drown. He wants her hope to be in him and his ability to protect her from the danger that's all around.

Like Sarah, my Christian walk is a lot like life in the waves. The first thing is that my heart and soul don't like to be wet. I'd rather be on the beach watching the people who can ride on the waves with beauty instead of watching the little kids splashing around. If I knew I could ride the waves like a professional surfer, I'd be happy to be in the waves (note the pervasive self-sufficient arrogance here to think that I can do it on my own). But in my mind, if I can conquer the waves, I'll be okay. But the point isn't riding the waves - its trusting IN them. It's not conquering my fears, its trusting my Father. When my grasp is slipping (or has already slipped), He is firmly and tenderly holding on to me. When my fears are as high as the surrounding waves, His provision is more than sufficient. When my sins are enveloping me with doubts and fears, His grace prevails. Where sin abounded, grace did much more abound.

Because of the cross, death (and waves) no longer have dominion over me. They may cause my heart to fear, but they will never kill me. The waves won't destroy Sarah, but they will teach her to cling to and trust in her daddy even more. Just like that, the sin in my life that is ever-so-pervasive will not destroy me because my Redeemer has paid that price. He has released me from those bonds. I may still be in the waves, but I'm not sinking because there are chains tied to me. I'm held secure in His arms. The free gift of God is eternal life (read: HOPE!).

My hope in the waves is not that some day I may be able to surf like a pro - my hope in the waves is that I'm held fast in His unfailing arms. I'm secure not because I feel like it, but because He is true and trustworthy. I'm safe not because my circumstances tell me so, I'm safe because my Father's character doesn't lie. He has promised never to let me go. That grasp wont change and that grasp is not at all dependent on my ability to hold Him. HE IS HOLDING ME!!! He is loving me and tenderly providing each need I have. He cares for me. That's why I have hope. He loves me. He knows me fully and chooses to love sinful little me. When I look all around me and all I can see are my mountans of failures and sin - I look up to the One crucified in my place, Jesus Christ the Redeemer of men!

Oh Father, I pray that you would turn my gaze. My mind is so prone to wander and leave my hope in you. I deny that hope daily as I choose to hope in fleeting circumstances. I hope in jobs, I hope in good health, I hope in financial freedom, I hope in consistency. And here you are, lovingly showing me that my job is to love you with all my heart, soul and mind, my health is to use my entire capacity to bring glory to you (even when that capacity is not where I'd like it to be), my financial freedom is found in trusting you daily to meet my needs and give me the strength and trust in you not in stuff, and my consistency in life is only found in You as my source of hope, fulfillment and joy. Sweet Jesus, your cross was sufficient for ALL my sins, all my weakness, all my failures. The best I bring to you is simply rags. But you clothe me with Your righteousness, You seat me at Your table, You lavish me with the inheritance that You purchased. That inheritance is not due to proper 401K investments I made, it is wholly because of YOU and the price you paid for me. Holy Spirit, I pray that you would grant me more grace. Fill this leaky cup I hold up to you and fill those leaks with a deeper understanding of You. Fix my gaze on you because its always moving away. If the waves are what it takes to keep that gaze on you, Jesus bring the rain. Bring the waves. I want more of you. I want a deeper trust. I want a bigger God. I long to view your activity in my life like Matt does - I want to see you working on every corner and in every part of my life. Yet I am weak. The waves are too strong. Thank you that You hold me fast. Loving Trinity, your power is infinately greater than my weakness and that is where my confidence lies. You WILL complete what you've begun. You will finish what is started and I can confidently hope in that! You foreknew, you obeyed and you sanctify. And you multiply that grace and peace to me. Though I'm "dispersed" here, you haven't deserted me - you are actively and lovingly working. So, dear Father, I come to you... empty... with hopeful anticipation of knowing you more. Clinging to the hope that its only by your grace that I even desire to draw near to you. And clinging to the promise that as I draw near, you promise to reveal more of yourself to me. Peel off the dragon-layers of myself and continue this process of sanctification that you began. My flesh is grass - it dies. But you never do. Give me the grace to put all my trust in You!