by Matt Redman
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Lashed by the Storm
Christians are never urged to seek suffering; they are, however, encouraged to recognize that suffering is an extraordinary teacher. ... Great natural disasters, such as hurricanes or tidal waves, strike our world. Where there is warning, a few brave souls usually choose to remain in their homes. The vast majority of the inhabitants flee the coming devastation. After the storm abates, those who are able to do so return home. And at times there is a pattern that emerges between the lines of the news reports that are written for the world to read. Often there is a striking contrast between those who stay and those who leave. The hearts of the survivors are often full of gratitude that they are still alive. The returnees at times see only devastation and feel only anguish. The one who is lashed by the storm is often the one who is grateful.
quote from the Radical Feminism blog
To No Avail...
A letter from Hudson Taylor to his sister, Amelia, October, 1869
My own dear sister….My mind has been greatly exercised for the past six or eight months, feeling the need personally, and for our Mission, of more holiness, life and power in our souls. But personal need stood first and was the greatest. I felt the ingratitude, the danger, the sin of not living nearer to God. I prayed, agonized, fasted, strove, made resolutions, read the Word more diligently, sought more time for retirement and meditation - but all was without avail. Every day, almost every hour, the consciousness of sin oppressed me.
I knew that if I could only abide in Christ all would be well, but I could not. I would begin the day with prayer, determined not to take my eye from Him for a moment, but pressure of duties, sometimes very trying, constant interruptions, often very wearing, would cause me to forget Him….Each day brought its register of sin, failure, and lack of power. To will was indeed present with me, but how to perform, I found not.
Then came the question, "Is there no rescue? Must it be like this till the end - constant conflict and, instead of victory, too often defeat?"….Instead of growing stronger, I seemed to be getting weaker and to have less power against sin; and no wonder, for faith and even hope were getting very low. I hated myself; I hated my sin; and yet I gained no strength against it.
I felt I was a child of God; His Spirit in my heart would cry, in spite of all, "Abba, Father", but to rise to my privileges as a child, I was utterly powerless. I thought that holiness was to be gradually attained by a diligent use of the means of grace. I felt that there was nothing I so much desired in this world, nothing I so much needed. But the more I pursued and strove after holiness, the more it eluded my grasp, till hope itself almost died out, and I began to think that perhaps to make heaven the sweeter, God would not give it to us in this life.
I do not think I was striving to attain it in my own strength. I knew I was powerless. I told the Lord so, and asked Him to give me help and strength and sometimes I almost believed He would keep and uphold me. But on looking back in the evening, there was sin and failure to confess and mourn before God.
I would not give you the impression that this was the daily experience of all those long, weary months, but it tended to be a too frequent state of soul and I almost ended up in despair. And yet, never did Christ seem more precious a Savior who could and would save such a sinner! And sometimes there were seasons not only of peace but of joy in the Lord. But they were fleeting and at best there was a sad lack of power. Oh, how good the Lord has been in bringing this conflict to an end!
All the time I felt assured that there was in Christ all I needed, but the practical question was how to get it out. He was rich, but I was poor; He was strong, but I was weak. I knew full well that there was in the vine, in the root, the stem, abundant fatness; but how to get it into my puny little branch was the question.
As gradually the light dawned on me, I saw that faith was the only prerequisite to laying hold of His fullness and making it my own. But I had not this faith . .. . I strove for it, but it would not come; I tried to exercise it, but in vain. Seeing more and more the wondrous supply of grace laid up in Jesus, the fullness of our precious Savior - my helplessness and guilt seemed to increase. Sins committed appeared but as trifles compared with the sin of unbelief which was their cause, which could not or would not take God at His word, but rather made Him a liar! Unbelief was, I felt, the damning sin of the world - yet I indulged in it. I prayed for faith but it did not come. What was I to do?
When my agony of soul was at its height, a sentence in a letter from dear McCarthy was used to remove the scales from my eyes, and the Spirit of God revealed the truth of our oneness with Jesus as I had never seen it before.
McCarthy, who had been much exercised by the same sense of failure, but saw the light before I did, wrote (I quote from memory): "But how to get faith strengthened? Not by striving after faith, but by resting on the Faithful One."
As I read I saw it all! "If we believe not, [yet] He remains faithful." I looked to Jesus and saw (and when I saw, oh, how joy flowed!) that He had said, "I will never leave you." "Ah, here is rest!" I thought. "I have striven in vain to rest in Him. I'll strive no more. For has He not promised to abide with me - never to leave me, never to fail me?" And…He never will!
But this was not all He showed me, nor one half. As I thought of the vine and the branches, what light the blessed Spirit poured directly into my soul! How great seemed my mistake in having wished to get the sap, the fullness, out of Him. I saw not only that Jesus would never leave me, but that I was a member of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. The vine now I see is not the root merely, but all - root, stem, branches, twigs, leaves, flowers, fruit; and Jesus is not only that; He is soil and sunshine, air and showers, and ten thousand times more than we have ever dreamed, wished for, or needed. Oh the joy of seeing this truth! I do pray that the eyes of your understanding may be enlightened, that you may know and enjoy the riches freely given us in Christ.
Oh, my dear sister, it is a wonderful thing to be really one with a risen and exalted Savior, to be a member of Christ! Think what it involves. Can Christ be rich and I poor? Can your right hand be rich and the left poor? Or your head be well fed while your body starves? Again, think of this bearing on prayer. Could a bank clerk say to a customer, "It was only your hand that wrote that check, not you," or "I cannot pay this sum to your hand, but only to yourself?" No more can your prayers, or mine, be discredited if offered in the name of Jesus (i.e. not in your own name, or even for the sake of Jesus, but on the ground that we are His, His members) so long as we keep within the extent of Christ's credit - a considerably wide limit!
If we ask anything unscriptural or not in accordance with the will of God, Christ Himself could not do that; but "If we ask anything according to His will, He hears us; and . . . we know that we have the petitions that we desired of Him."
The sweetest part, if one may speak of one part being sweeter than another, is the rest which full identification with Christ brings. I am no longer anxious about anything, as I realize this; for He, I know, is able to carry out His will, and His will is mine. It makes no difference where He places me, or how. That is rather for Him to consider than for me; for in the easiest positions He must give me His grace, and in the most difficult His grace is sufficient.
It matters little to my servant whether I send him to buy a few dollars worth of things or the most expensive articles. In either case he looks to me for the money and brings me his purchases. So if God places me in great perplexity, must He not give me much guidance; or in positions of great difficulty, much grace; or in circumstances of great pressure and trial, much strength? There is no fear that His resources will be unequal to the emergency! And His resources are mine for He is mine, and is with me and dwells in me.
All this springs from the believer's oneness with Christ. And since Christ is now living in my heart by faith, how happy I have been! I wish I could tell you instead of writing about it.
I am no better than before (in one sense, I do not wish to be, nor am I striving to be); but I am dead and buried with Christ - yes, and risen too and ascended; and now Christ lives in me, and "the life that I now live in the flesh, I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." I now believe that I am dead to sin. God reckons me so, and tells me to reckon myself so. He knows best. All my past experiences may have shown that it was not so; but I dare not say it is not, when He says it is. I feel and know that old things have passed away. I am as capable of sinning as ever, but Christ is realized as present as never before. He cannot sin; and He can keep me from sinning.
I am sorry to have to confess it, but I cannot say that since I have seen this light I have not sinned; but I do feel there was no need to have done so. And further - walking more in the light, my conscience has been more tender; sin has been instantly seen, confessed, pardoned; and peace and joy (with humility) instantly restored; with one exception, when for several hours peace and joy did not return - from lack, as I had to learn, of full confession, and from some attempt to justify self.
Faith, I now see, is "the substance of things hoped for" and not mere shadow. It is not less than sight, but more. Sight only shows the outward forms of things; faith gives the substance. You can rest on substance; you can feed on substance. Christ dwelling in the heart by faith (i.e. faith in His word of promise) is power indeed, is life indeed. And Christ and sin will not dwell together; nor can we experience His presence with love of the world or carefulness about "many things."
My own dear sister….My mind has been greatly exercised for the past six or eight months, feeling the need personally, and for our Mission, of more holiness, life and power in our souls. But personal need stood first and was the greatest. I felt the ingratitude, the danger, the sin of not living nearer to God. I prayed, agonized, fasted, strove, made resolutions, read the Word more diligently, sought more time for retirement and meditation - but all was without avail. Every day, almost every hour, the consciousness of sin oppressed me.
I knew that if I could only abide in Christ all would be well, but I could not. I would begin the day with prayer, determined not to take my eye from Him for a moment, but pressure of duties, sometimes very trying, constant interruptions, often very wearing, would cause me to forget Him….Each day brought its register of sin, failure, and lack of power. To will was indeed present with me, but how to perform, I found not.
Then came the question, "Is there no rescue? Must it be like this till the end - constant conflict and, instead of victory, too often defeat?"….Instead of growing stronger, I seemed to be getting weaker and to have less power against sin; and no wonder, for faith and even hope were getting very low. I hated myself; I hated my sin; and yet I gained no strength against it.
I felt I was a child of God; His Spirit in my heart would cry, in spite of all, "Abba, Father", but to rise to my privileges as a child, I was utterly powerless. I thought that holiness was to be gradually attained by a diligent use of the means of grace. I felt that there was nothing I so much desired in this world, nothing I so much needed. But the more I pursued and strove after holiness, the more it eluded my grasp, till hope itself almost died out, and I began to think that perhaps to make heaven the sweeter, God would not give it to us in this life.
I do not think I was striving to attain it in my own strength. I knew I was powerless. I told the Lord so, and asked Him to give me help and strength and sometimes I almost believed He would keep and uphold me. But on looking back in the evening, there was sin and failure to confess and mourn before God.
I would not give you the impression that this was the daily experience of all those long, weary months, but it tended to be a too frequent state of soul and I almost ended up in despair. And yet, never did Christ seem more precious a Savior who could and would save such a sinner! And sometimes there were seasons not only of peace but of joy in the Lord. But they were fleeting and at best there was a sad lack of power. Oh, how good the Lord has been in bringing this conflict to an end!
All the time I felt assured that there was in Christ all I needed, but the practical question was how to get it out. He was rich, but I was poor; He was strong, but I was weak. I knew full well that there was in the vine, in the root, the stem, abundant fatness; but how to get it into my puny little branch was the question.
As gradually the light dawned on me, I saw that faith was the only prerequisite to laying hold of His fullness and making it my own. But I had not this faith . .. . I strove for it, but it would not come; I tried to exercise it, but in vain. Seeing more and more the wondrous supply of grace laid up in Jesus, the fullness of our precious Savior - my helplessness and guilt seemed to increase. Sins committed appeared but as trifles compared with the sin of unbelief which was their cause, which could not or would not take God at His word, but rather made Him a liar! Unbelief was, I felt, the damning sin of the world - yet I indulged in it. I prayed for faith but it did not come. What was I to do?
When my agony of soul was at its height, a sentence in a letter from dear McCarthy was used to remove the scales from my eyes, and the Spirit of God revealed the truth of our oneness with Jesus as I had never seen it before.
McCarthy, who had been much exercised by the same sense of failure, but saw the light before I did, wrote (I quote from memory): "But how to get faith strengthened? Not by striving after faith, but by resting on the Faithful One."
As I read I saw it all! "If we believe not, [yet] He remains faithful." I looked to Jesus and saw (and when I saw, oh, how joy flowed!) that He had said, "I will never leave you." "Ah, here is rest!" I thought. "I have striven in vain to rest in Him. I'll strive no more. For has He not promised to abide with me - never to leave me, never to fail me?" And…He never will!
But this was not all He showed me, nor one half. As I thought of the vine and the branches, what light the blessed Spirit poured directly into my soul! How great seemed my mistake in having wished to get the sap, the fullness, out of Him. I saw not only that Jesus would never leave me, but that I was a member of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. The vine now I see is not the root merely, but all - root, stem, branches, twigs, leaves, flowers, fruit; and Jesus is not only that; He is soil and sunshine, air and showers, and ten thousand times more than we have ever dreamed, wished for, or needed. Oh the joy of seeing this truth! I do pray that the eyes of your understanding may be enlightened, that you may know and enjoy the riches freely given us in Christ.
Oh, my dear sister, it is a wonderful thing to be really one with a risen and exalted Savior, to be a member of Christ! Think what it involves. Can Christ be rich and I poor? Can your right hand be rich and the left poor? Or your head be well fed while your body starves? Again, think of this bearing on prayer. Could a bank clerk say to a customer, "It was only your hand that wrote that check, not you," or "I cannot pay this sum to your hand, but only to yourself?" No more can your prayers, or mine, be discredited if offered in the name of Jesus (i.e. not in your own name, or even for the sake of Jesus, but on the ground that we are His, His members) so long as we keep within the extent of Christ's credit - a considerably wide limit!
If we ask anything unscriptural or not in accordance with the will of God, Christ Himself could not do that; but "If we ask anything according to His will, He hears us; and . . . we know that we have the petitions that we desired of Him."
The sweetest part, if one may speak of one part being sweeter than another, is the rest which full identification with Christ brings. I am no longer anxious about anything, as I realize this; for He, I know, is able to carry out His will, and His will is mine. It makes no difference where He places me, or how. That is rather for Him to consider than for me; for in the easiest positions He must give me His grace, and in the most difficult His grace is sufficient.
It matters little to my servant whether I send him to buy a few dollars worth of things or the most expensive articles. In either case he looks to me for the money and brings me his purchases. So if God places me in great perplexity, must He not give me much guidance; or in positions of great difficulty, much grace; or in circumstances of great pressure and trial, much strength? There is no fear that His resources will be unequal to the emergency! And His resources are mine for He is mine, and is with me and dwells in me.
All this springs from the believer's oneness with Christ. And since Christ is now living in my heart by faith, how happy I have been! I wish I could tell you instead of writing about it.
I am no better than before (in one sense, I do not wish to be, nor am I striving to be); but I am dead and buried with Christ - yes, and risen too and ascended; and now Christ lives in me, and "the life that I now live in the flesh, I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." I now believe that I am dead to sin. God reckons me so, and tells me to reckon myself so. He knows best. All my past experiences may have shown that it was not so; but I dare not say it is not, when He says it is. I feel and know that old things have passed away. I am as capable of sinning as ever, but Christ is realized as present as never before. He cannot sin; and He can keep me from sinning.
I am sorry to have to confess it, but I cannot say that since I have seen this light I have not sinned; but I do feel there was no need to have done so. And further - walking more in the light, my conscience has been more tender; sin has been instantly seen, confessed, pardoned; and peace and joy (with humility) instantly restored; with one exception, when for several hours peace and joy did not return - from lack, as I had to learn, of full confession, and from some attempt to justify self.
Faith, I now see, is "the substance of things hoped for" and not mere shadow. It is not less than sight, but more. Sight only shows the outward forms of things; faith gives the substance. You can rest on substance; you can feed on substance. Christ dwelling in the heart by faith (i.e. faith in His word of promise) is power indeed, is life indeed. And Christ and sin will not dwell together; nor can we experience His presence with love of the world or carefulness about "many things."
And now I must close. I have not said half I would like to say if I had more time. May God give you the grace to lay hold on these blessed truths. Do not let us continue to say, in effect, "Who shall ascend into heaven? that is, to bring Christ down from above." In other words, do not let us consider Him as far off when God has made us one with Him, members of His very body. Nor should we look upon this experience, these truths, as only for the few. They are the birthright of every child of God, and no one can dispense with them without dishonor to our Lord. The only power for deliverance from sin or for serving the Lord is Christ.
Your own affectionate brother,
J. HUDSON TAYLOR
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
so, I know that this letter states that it was written by Hudson to Amelia, but I beg to differ. As I was reading, I became convinced that it was written my my sweet Holy Spirit directly to me.
It goes without saying that I didn't make it quite past the first paragraph without welling up with tears. By the 4th paragraph, my eyes were puddles. For months, I have felt dry. I have been pursuing God, I have grown deeply in trusting His goodness, but I have felt very distant from His presence. As I have been growing in glorying in the Gospel, I have simultaneously felt my heart growing farther from my sweet Jesus who I was yearning for more intimately.
How can my heart be drawn to Him and be feeling so abandoned at the same time? How can I desire yet feel so distracted? I'm such a "puny branch" and am so aware of that. I so desire and long for His strength to flow through my branches, but have, like Hudson, felt despairing of the journey so often over the past few weeks and months.
Going into New Attitude this year, I felt that God was saying to me "Emily, come to me, and I will give you rest." So, I went expecting rest. I went praying for that and waiting with great expectation of that rest, and yet, the conference evolved into 4 days of turmoil. It was four long and painful days of sin after sin being revealed. I felt very alone, frustrated, and more upset as I saw pride welling up in me.
John Newton wrote a song called "prayers answered by the crosses" in which he describes this struggle. He says "I asked the Lord that I might grow... might seek more earnestly His face..." ... but where He led him was to a place of despair. A place where He realized his utter nothingness and then said "seek more earnestly my face... find your all in me."
Until I read this letter, I had not pieced together my union with Christ and the importance that has on my life right here, right now, right in the midst of my "wilderness" and sensing of God's absence. My account is empty, but I'm with Him and His is full! My heart is dry and parched, but He is an unending Spring of Delight.
In the midst of my confusion, He is full of clarity and joy. In my despair (sinfully and pridefully) over my sin, He rejoices in reminding me of the words "it is finished." What a beautiful truth that encompasses.
How overwhelming that is. What peace that gives. I am grateful for this letter. I am grateful for the truths it expresses. It points to my Savior, not to my need. It points to His abundance, as greater than my lack. My Jesus is Strength. In my weakness, He is more than sufficient. The cup of His grace will never EVER run dry!
Wow!
This is only a test
I woke up this morning thinking that yesterday must have been a dream. Had God really answered 3 very specific prayers of mine yesterday? One I had been praying about for a year and a half, another for seven months and the third for about a month.
Seriously, God? Is this for real?
But as I was driving to work this morning, I realized this is just another test. In my excitement and joy… as the roller coaster ride is fun this time around, I’m ultimately in the same seat. As I’m letting go of my hold, and enjoying the hills and loops, squealing all the way around, will I continue to trust? Or will I become self-reliant, confident and proud?
I remember telling Matt that I was almost concerned to ask God to heal the migraines from several months ago because it’s easier to trust when I have nothing in myself to rely on. It’s easier to learn in the test of adversity than to trust completely when prosperity floods in. He wisely pointed out that God provides needed grace and strength in times of relief too.
So, here I sit, on “top of the world” still very aware that my world is no bigger than an anthill. My anthill could be squashed tomorrow. I can’t rest there because it’s not permanent. But the Word of my God is. My faithful Provider is. My eternal hope is. My gaze MUST rest there.
God, I need more grace. I desire to pass this test and not be like the Children of Israel or the woman in Ezekiel 16 that was saved from her wallowing, only to rejoice in herself. Once again, I’m asking for more grace. I desperately need it. I desperately need your strength, because I’m so tempted to take the reigns now. Keep them in your Sovereign Hand. By your grace, I desire to pass the test of prosperity… not so that I can say I did it, but so that You, Lord, become bigger to me and to my friends.
free fall
as i’m falling
the fears rush in.
going places
i’ve never been.
the fears rush in.
going places
i’ve never been.
what’s around
the coming bend?
i cannot see
the journey’s end.
i’m unsure -
its unclear.
feeling so
misguided here.
no direction
no way out
trust becomes
replaced with doubt.
are you there God?
i’m falling fast.
help before all
hope is past!
then a whisper
grabs my soul.
remember Me –
I’ll make you whole.
I’ve been faithful
look behind
I’ve upheld you
every time.
every child
with humble prayer
who comes to Me
receives My care.
remember Joseph!
remember Job!
and Habakkak
from so long ago.
they looked to Me.
they found their rest.
they learned that My
ways are the best.
i don’t give up
on My sov’reign plan
as you pursue
My guiding hand.
i don’t give up
on My sov’reign plan
as you pursue
My guiding hand.
repent of pride
and unbelief
and you too will
find rest and peace.
FREE FALL!!!!
God seems to be turning my heart to one particular topic these days:
His unfailing faithfulness.
In light of that, here are some posts that were particularly encouraging and helpful this morning as the assault on my soul began (for those of you who are working through 1st Peter with me, "assault" can be interpreted as "free fall.")
Around the Web:
In light of that, here are some posts that were particularly encouraging and helpful this morning as the assault on my soul began (for those of you who are working through 1st Peter with me, "assault" can be interpreted as "free fall.")
Around the Web:
Psalm 78
Looking unto Jesus by JC Ryle
Light Shining in the Darkness on the Challies blog
When God is Silent on the Blazing Center
Ride of Life by 4Him
1 Peter 2:23-25
Looking unto Jesus by JC Ryle
Light Shining in the Darkness on the Challies blog
When God is Silent on the Blazing Center
Ride of Life by 4Him
1 Peter 2:23-25
By God's grace, I will continue entrusting my soul to Him who judges justly (realizing that my justification is only through the blood of Christ, not my own merit). In His strength, I will continue looking to Jesus aware of my utter inability to change myself, will learn from Psalm 78, will remember His faithfulness in my past and will allow that to compel me to hang on for the ride of my life even when He is silent.
For you see, my God is not silent at all. He is very active. He is leading and guiding through the dust storms that cloud my vision. Though I cannot see His hand guiding me, I know it is there. It is real, and it is a guiding Hand full of strength and wisdom - I'm experiencing its power.
I can enjoy this free fall for the exhilarating and hope-saturated ride that it is intended to be, because my confidence and trust is in a God that will never cease to be faithful.
*sermon links from Together for the Gospel 2008 conference and Sovereign Grace Church of SC
Closed Doors
My job seems to be a continual pattern of closed doors. I suppose I should rejoice, for this is an answer, but it's difficult when 8x in a year, the answer is no. My boss did a good job explaining why and I do not take it personally (and now have some areas to work on improving) but nonetheless, "no" is difficult to hear so often.
The reason has been different each time, therefore my only conclusion can be that this is God's will for me right now and that in whatever state I am, I must learn to be content (not simply for "doings" sake but because I know that no matter what state I'm in, He is with me).
"For I lead the blind in ways that they do not know, in paths that they have not gone, I guide them. I turn the rough places before them into level ground. These are the things I do; I do not forsake them."
I'm not forsaken. Stuck behind the same door, stuck in the same room, stuck in limbo, I am not forsaken. Still wondering why and when, God is saying "I'm here, I haven't left you alone to figure this out on your own. I'm guiding. I'm leading. And I'm comforting."
That must be and remain my comfort. If it is not, then I start to question and accuse God. Job questioned God and was met by the all-powerful Creator. That all-powerful God is the same one holding back right now. He's the same one closing the doors in front of me. He's the same one not opening other doors I long to walk through.
But, keeping this in perspective, I don't deserve a new job. I don't deserve better pay. I deserve hell. And God opened the greatest door in all of eternity - the door to eternal life, rest and complete fulfillment in Him.
With that in mind, how can I complain. In light of eternity, how can I question. God has been so kind - eternally, immensely kind. He's right now preparing a place for me - a filthy, vile sinner who is justified not by my own merit, but by the righeousness of His Son.
That's why our lives are commanded to be a sacrifice of praise. I don't wan"t to sacrifice that right now. I want to lament. I want to cry.
But He says - NO!!! Grab your soul - arrest your mind and focus it on me. Don't give in to the devil's lie that you deserved this and I'm unkind in withholding it from you. Focus on truth - I loved you so much (and continue to love you) that I gave ALL for you - I sacrificed with JOY for your good. Rest there. Rejoice in that truth.
Let your conduct be the same as mine - offering up sacrifices of praise to God when your circumstances deem the opposite. That's how I receive glory here - through yet another closed door. That's where the world will see your differences and glorify me. Trust me, my child. I know what I'm doing."
Captive
Deep in my sin, I couldn’t feel
the death grip on my soul.
I thought that this life was the best
for which I’d ever hope.
True satisfaction,
eternal bliss,
deep communion
was just a wish.
I was at home
with misery.
Tried to dull the pain
of what I saw in me.
I didn’t realize I was blind,
I thought that this was "life;"
until one day I heard the words:
“Come, there’s rest from all this strife.”
"An answer
for the void you feel -
a hope
for your captive soul.
A rest eternal -
- it's for real.
a promise
in His Word."
It sounded to my tired ears
just too good to be true.
But as He drew near, I heard the damning words:
“there’s nothing you can do.”
“You’ve sinned.
You’re guilty.
You can’t come
before My Holy face.
I’m Rightous and I can’t allow
such filth
here in this place.”
With sorrow and dread I stood before
my Maker, in my chains.
Fearing His hand of judgment
that would crush my feeble frame.
Fear compelled
Me there
To fall -
enslaved by
my desires.
I had no
power
to change my
heart or quench
the wrathful
fires.
At that moment nothing seemed
More powerful than sin.
My empty soul - in awful fear
As I stood before my King.
A captive,
held by sin
alone; a slave to
death and fear.
The Holy Judge
Was fully aware
That sin
Was my career.
Those were my chains.
Captivity.
Deep emptiness.
Hollow misery.
“What if I’m good!? I’ll change my ways!?”
frantically I tried.
But He said “no, its not enough.”
I sat in despair and cried.
“Is there a hope
or any rest?
An answer for
my empty soul?”
With tender love
He picked me up
and said
“My blood can make you whole.”
“Not by your works, Not what you do
There’s nothing to attain.
For on that cross, I bore your curse
So you’d know all My gain.”
“No! Let me go.
Don’t do this, God!
You don’t deserve
That death!
Judge me instead
I’m the guilty one
Trade places -
Go! now rest.”
With tear-filled eyes, He then looked down
at His eternally wounded hands.
“Look here, my child. The price is paid
already. This is my plan.”
“I died for you
to give you life;
My grace has set you free.
The penalty’s paid -
find freedom now
from your captivity.”
So, with great joy, we walked that day
away from all my chains.
Now hand in hand, His love is what
keeps me captive every day.
That’s what
compels me now
you see
to say no to
desires.
His love
constrains my
wayward heart
from my
internal fires.
His grace is more sufficient and
more powerful than sin.
This peace is so much greater than
I’d ever hoped it’d been.
I’m captive.
Held by grace
alone; a slave to
righteousness.
My Owner’s love
gives strength and faith
to daily die
to sin.
the death grip on my soul.
I thought that this life was the best
for which I’d ever hope.
True satisfaction,
eternal bliss,
deep communion
was just a wish.
I was at home
with misery.
Tried to dull the pain
of what I saw in me.
I didn’t realize I was blind,
I thought that this was "life;"
until one day I heard the words:
“Come, there’s rest from all this strife.”
"An answer
for the void you feel -
a hope
for your captive soul.
A rest eternal -
- it's for real.
a promise
in His Word."
It sounded to my tired ears
just too good to be true.
But as He drew near, I heard the damning words:
“there’s nothing you can do.”
“You’ve sinned.
You’re guilty.
You can’t come
before My Holy face.
I’m Rightous and I can’t allow
such filth
here in this place.”
With sorrow and dread I stood before
my Maker, in my chains.
Fearing His hand of judgment
that would crush my feeble frame.
Fear compelled
Me there
To fall -
enslaved by
my desires.
I had no
power
to change my
heart or quench
the wrathful
fires.
At that moment nothing seemed
More powerful than sin.
My empty soul - in awful fear
As I stood before my King.
A captive,
held by sin
alone; a slave to
death and fear.
The Holy Judge
Was fully aware
That sin
Was my career.
Those were my chains.
Captivity.
Deep emptiness.
Hollow misery.
“What if I’m good!? I’ll change my ways!?”
frantically I tried.
But He said “no, its not enough.”
I sat in despair and cried.
“Is there a hope
or any rest?
An answer for
my empty soul?”
With tender love
He picked me up
and said
“My blood can make you whole.”
“Not by your works, Not what you do
There’s nothing to attain.
For on that cross, I bore your curse
So you’d know all My gain.”
“No! Let me go.
Don’t do this, God!
You don’t deserve
That death!
Judge me instead
I’m the guilty one
Trade places -
Go! now rest.”
With tear-filled eyes, He then looked down
at His eternally wounded hands.
“Look here, my child. The price is paid
already. This is my plan.”
“I died for you
to give you life;
My grace has set you free.
The penalty’s paid -
find freedom now
from your captivity.”
So, with great joy, we walked that day
away from all my chains.
Now hand in hand, His love is what
keeps me captive every day.
That’s what
compels me now
you see
to say no to
desires.
His love
constrains my
wayward heart
from my
internal fires.
His grace is more sufficient and
more powerful than sin.
This peace is so much greater than
I’d ever hoped it’d been.
I’m captive.
Held by grace
alone; a slave to
righteousness.
My Owner’s love
gives strength and faith
to daily die
to sin.
I'm chained to Him.
Captivity.
Deep communion.
Sweet, perfect peace.
written by Emily 12 PM on 4/24/08
after reading 2 Corinthians 5 and Romans 6
Only For You
In the darkness I was walking
I was blinded to my sinfulness
And then you came to me
Spoke so lovingly
To my surprise and joy
You drew near to me
Now I have eyes only for you.
I have seen your grace
In a thousand ways
Working good in me
When there was no good way
And here I stand amazed
By your awesome ways
And your great love displayed
Will ever hold my gaze
Now I have eyes,
Yes I have eyes only for you
I have seen you Lord
Through the eyes of faith
There will come a day
When I will see your face
No hinderance
As I run to you
And with my sin removed
I see your scars and wounds
Then I will have eyes
Then I will have eyes only for you
Give to the Winds Thy Fears
GIVE to the winds thy fears;
Hope and be undismayed;
God hears thy sighs and counts thy tears,
God shall lift up thy head.
THROUGH waves, and clouds,
and storms,He gently clears thy way;
Wait thou His time; so shall this night
Soon end in joyful day.
LEAVE to His sovereign sway
To choose and to command;
So shalt thou, wondering, own His way,
How wise, how strong his hand!
FAR, far above thy thought
His counsel shall appear
When fully He the work hath wrought
That caused thy needless fear.
Paul Gerhardt 1665
Batter my Heart
Batter my heart, three-personed God; for you
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurped town, to another due,
Labour to admit you, but oh, to no end,
Reason your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captived, and proves weak or untrue,
Yet dearly'I love you, and would be loved fain,
But am betrothed unto your enemy;
Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again;
Take me to you, imprison me, for I
Except you entrhral me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.
by John Donne
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