Too Busy?

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. For the Lord will not cast off forever, but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love. Lamentations 3:21-25,31

I was reminded of these verses this morning. How I am grateful for the great faithfulness of my God and abundant mercies that are new every morning. If I were to describe this week as crazy, that would be an understatement. But I'm aware that the craziness is only beginning.

This week at work has consisted of long hours training my replacement for my current job, completing the tasks that have been on the "back burner" for months and finishing the training manual on how to do the tasks I do on a daily / weekly / monthly basis. It is a critical week for Monika (my replacement) because beginning on Monday, I will be swamped with learning my new job and will not have much (if any) time available for her training.

My relationship with God has slipped. Or better stated, plumeted off a cliff. To my shame, I've found myself "too busy" to read about God, "too tired" to pray and "too overwhelmed" to approach the only One who can assist me.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10:38-42

As I'm sitting here, distracted by all the preparations that need to be made, I have, like Martha, forgotten the main thing. Though its true that preparations need to be made, they cannot be my main focus. In my desire to end my current position with excellence, I cannot forget that my ultimate responsibility is not to my manager. My ultimate goal is not to properly train Monika. My ultimate task is to look to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my faith.

My coworker, Jay Tee, just walked by singing in his typical fashion. He either sings Christmas songs, or the good old-time-y gospel hymns. Today, He walked by my desk singing "all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer." (excerpt from "What a Friend we Have in Jesus"). Its exactly what I needed to hear.

I have a friend in Jesus.

He cares about my business.

He wants to reveal more of Himself to me through this time.

He gives abundant mercies to cover my loads of cares.

He is still my Refuge.

He is my Shield.

He bears my griefs.

He listenes to my prayers.

He strengthens in my weakness.

He patiently loves and simply reminds me to get back in line.

He reminds me what truly is necessary.

Only One Thing

Shut out the world with all its distractions

All of its noise and empty attractions

And shut me in, Lord

To the presence of Your glory

Shut out my cares and all of my worries

All of my fears and all of my hurries

And shut me in, Lord

To the presence of Your glory

Only one thing is necessary

Only one thing is necessary

To sit at Your feet

To sit at Your feet

And gaze upon Your beauty

Shut out the lie that I can’t come near You

You bought me with blood and taught me to fear You

So shut me in, Lord

To the presence of Your glory

For here in Your presence my soul is satisfied

Here in Your presence my soul finds all delight

Here in Your presence my soul is thirsting for You

Yes, I’m thirsting for You

Only one thing is necessary

Only one thing is necessary

To sit at Your feet

To sit at Your feet

And gaze upon Your beauty

written by Mark Altrogge
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Closed Doors

My job seems to be a continual pattern of closed doors. I suppose I should rejoice, for this is an answer, but it's difficult when 8x in a year, the answer is no. My boss did a good job explaining why and I do not take it personally (and now have some areas to work on improving) but nonetheless, "no" is difficult to hear so often.

The reason has been different each time, therefore my only conclusion can be that this is God's will for me right now and that in whatever state I am, I must learn to be content (not simply for "doings" sake but because I know that no matter what state I'm in, He is with me).

"For I lead the blind in ways that they do not know, in paths that they have not gone, I guide them. I turn the rough places before them into level ground. These are the things I do; I do not forsake them."

I'm not forsaken. Stuck behind the same door, stuck in the same room, stuck in limbo, I am not forsaken. Still wondering why and when, God is saying "I'm here, I haven't left you alone to figure this out on your own. I'm guiding. I'm leading. And I'm comforting."

That must be and remain my comfort. If it is not, then I start to question and accuse God. Job questioned God and was met by the all-powerful Creator. That all-powerful God is the same one holding back right now. He's the same one closing the doors in front of me. He's the same one not opening other doors I long to walk through.

But, keeping this in perspective, I don't deserve a new job. I don't deserve better pay. I deserve hell. And God opened the greatest door in all of eternity - the door to eternal life, rest and complete fulfillment in Him.

With that in mind, how can I complain. In light of eternity, how can I question. God has been so kind - eternally, immensely kind. He's right now preparing a place for me - a filthy, vile sinner who is justified not by my own merit, but by the righeousness of His Son.

That's why our lives are commanded to be a sacrifice of praise. I don't wan"t to sacrifice that right now. I want to lament. I want to cry.

But He says - NO!!! Grab your soul - arrest your mind and focus it on me. Don't give in to the devil's lie that you deserved this and I'm unkind in withholding it from you. Focus on truth - I loved you so much (and continue to love you) that I gave ALL for you - I sacrificed with JOY for your good. Rest there. Rejoice in that truth.

Let your conduct be the same as mine - offering up sacrifices of praise to God when your circumstances deem the opposite. That's how I receive glory here - through yet another closed door. That's where the world will see your differences and glorify me. Trust me, my child. I know what I'm doing."

Baby Steps

Ever seen the movie "What about Bob"? Bob is psychotic. He visits a psychiatrist who recommends that Bob practices the "baby steps" technique. It looks like this... just put one foot in front of the other. Baby steps out of the office... baby steps into the hall... baby steps into the elevator and so on.

Our Christian life is a lot like that. Its not a sprint, rather a marathon. Anyone can get out on the road and run for 5 minutes - no training necessary. You can just do it and then collapse afterwards never to run again. But to run for an hour takes training. To run a marathon takes significantly even more training. It takes hard work and dedication and the results aren't seen till months after the process begins.

So, God's been working in my heart for a while on what faithfulness to Him as a result of true gospel-motivated change looks like. It does not look like perfection. A baby learning to walk does not wake up one morning, jump out of its crib and run downstairs asking for a bowl of oatmeal. Its gradual. Its progressive. One day he crawls and flops over crying. The next day he crawls a little further. Months later, he walks, holding on to things. Even later, he's toddling along, falling every 2 steps, crying every time he falls. Sometimes he goes back to crawling, sometimes he gets up and takes a few more steps. Eventually, he's running. Its a process that takes years to perfect and if you're my friend Jessica who runs into trees, it takes a lifetime to perfect! :) *sorry Jess!*

But that's the point. There is a joy we find in the process. There is trust learned in the midst of the struggle and the falls. If we woke up one day "running" we would not appreciate the process as God has designed it.

I tend to be so goal focused, that I miss the process. I see sanctification with the end result of glorification and I, in my laziness, want the glorification now. I want the perfection that isn't meant for now. Right now, is the "baby step" process. Right now, He's calling me to learn to say "thank you for the trials. thank you that You have ordained every day."

The ultimate joy will be when I stand face to face with my Heavenly Father and He says to me "welcome home, my good daughter. Welcome home, my faithful servant, Emily. Enter into the joy of eternal bliss and rest forever in My presence." That should motivate me to endure through the "baby steps" of today seeing them as what they are - the beginning easy steps, not a crippling end to the process.

For today, God hasn't called me to perfection. He hasn't called me to strength. He's called me to weakness (as He's graciously pointed out through constant days of pain, countless moments of trust, discouraging moments of seeing my sin, and glorious moments of hearing those words "it is finished"). He doesn't want my strength to come from me, He wants it to come from Him. He doesn't want my confidence to come from my abilities (that He gives and takes), He wants it to come from Him.

But my loving Heavenly "Daddy" knows my heart. He knows I miss German and Spanish. He knows I want to be learning more and teaching again. But He wants to fill that ache with Himself. He knows I want a husband and family. But He wants me to say "God, I'm so happy with You right now. I may be praying in hope that You will change my situation, but I'm resting here because of You. I'm resting in the wilderness confident that I'm not going to burn up from the heat because you're guarding over me. I'm resting in the waves because I know You won't let me drown."

He doesn't command my perfection, but He does command faithful steps - steps empowered by His Spirit. He commands a constant trust in Him as my Provider. His ultimate goal for me now is not perfection, rather trust in the process of stumbling as I'm learning to walk. He expects that when I fall, I get back up again and take 2 more steps.

And like an earthly father, when I fall, He's there to comfort, wipe the tears, stand me back up again and nudge me on to further steps of trust.

God wants me to live today for results I won't see until months later. He wants me to experience the joy in delayed gratification. He is proving Himself to me to be greater than the (fill in the blank answer of the moment). He wants my eyes fixed on Him.

One foot after another... be faithful in the little things...

He wants baby steps.

Musings on Motives

... heart motives in my life as it applies from the sermon yesterday...

1 Peter 2:13 -17 Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.

... so, as I have been thinking throught the "free-fall" sermon from yesterday, my heart and mind went to motives. what's my motive for what I do? Is it my own personal gain or God's glory? do I love others simply because its God's will? do I fear God and honor everyone simply because its the right thing to do? or is there more to the "why" of what I do?

in order to do this - in order to live my life with others for the will of God, I must have something deeper motivating my actions. Otherwise it turns into a legalistic, joy-deprived, meaningless ritual.

So, on to the idea of motives... why do I want to get out of debt? Is it simply to have freedom from those chains or one day bless my husband with the painfully learned spiritual discipline of discipline itself? or should there be more to it than that?

what should be my motivation to lose weight? so I can buy new clothes? so people will notice and compliment me? so I will be more attractive? so I can simply live a healthier life and enjoy more activities? is that all that motivates this or is there really something more behind this?

what makes me able / willing to say no to my fleshly desires? why do I love others? submit to authority? obey my leaders? why do I serve with gladness? how is it possible to love "the unloveable"?

2 Corinthians 5:14-15 For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.

I should be motivated to change / motivated to obey because of His love. Because its the work on the cross of Christ that controls me, my desires for prideful self-advancement and self-glorification is not up to me to control. Its power was crushed that day on that cross through the words "it is finished." I am not ruled by those desires, though at times they seem overwhelmingly strong. What rules me is a freedom found in Christ as Ruler. What motivates me is the mercy I see through Jesus. The humility of my glorious risen Savior is what empowers me in humility and service to others.

Because Christ loved and died for me, I have been given the strength to love others and die to myself. Because of my union with Christ, the obvious conclusion would be that I have died to my old self and raised again to New Life. That new life means service. But its not a drudgery... its a service of joy and gladness to a God who has freed my chains. Its my little way of sharing with others the grace He's shared so lavishly with me.

... I'm not there yet. Well, in some ways I guess I am... I already AM one with Christ. I already AM able to resist temptation through the power of the Cross. But daily, I fail in acting upon that ability. And without action, the ability is meaningless.

This truth, fully understood, must result in change, according to James. God doesn't want me to simply show honor to everyone, love my brothers and sisters, and fear Him because its the right thing to do. He wants it done in light of the cross, through His strength, in view of His mercy.

Wow. I'm seeing yet again how needy I am. I am completely reliant upon His grace to act upon me. I am needy of His ever-sutstaining grace.