Bless the Lord

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

The LORD works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed. He made known his ways to Moses, his acts to the people of Israel. The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.

As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more. But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children’s children, to those who keep his covenant and remember to do his commandments. The LORD has established his throne in the heavens, and his kingdom rules over all.

Bless the LORD, O you his angels, you mighty ones who do his word, obeying the voice of his word! Bless the LORD, all his hosts, his ministers, who do his will! Bless the LORD, all his works, in all places of his dominion. Bless the LORD, O my soul! (Psalm 103)

Last night at care group, I stood in a crowded room, yet felt very much all alone. I was struggling to arrest my soul with truth instead of being discouraged by my emotions. I was fighting to praise instead of mourn. I knew that my soul was desperately thirsty for those Words that bring life. So, in the midst of the second song, I stopped singing and opened my Bible and began to read.

I was reading Psalm 103 and was freshly reminded and encouraged by God's love to me. By His intimate care and by His awareness of my weakness. I was encouraged of the reminder that God knows I'm dust. But even the rocks can cry out and praise God. So, dust can too.

As I was reading through the Psalm again, Matt stopped singing and began to read. It was spooky. He began reading exactly Psalm 103. Not just the first verse -- the whole chapter. It was as if God were saying "see, Emily... I really do love you. I do care. I am more powerful than you - you're dust. But I care for you... softly and tenderly."

Big surprise... I started crying. :)

He loves me. He's forgiven me. Wow. Julie again reminded me of those same things later that night. He loves me. He chose me in my sin. He is pleased when He looks at me because He sees Jesus. I have a Mediator, so when Christ looks at me, He is pleased. He does not see me as unworthy of His love. Through the cross, He sees me through Jesus' worth.

I don't get that. But its grace. And its amazing. That's why my soul can bless the Lord. That's why there's joy. That's peace. That's rest. Wow. That's cool...

Rest, not Action

The following is an excerpt from The Blazing Center.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not wantHe makes me lie down in green pastures.He leads me beside still waters.He restores my soul. (PS 23.1-3)

Ps 23 begins with God. The Lord of the Universe has taken upon himself the task of being the shepherd of his sheep. Because of who he is, we shall not want.

The Psalm is a catalog of all the ways our Great Shepherd Jesus cares for us. It begins with the Shepherd making a sheep lie down in lush green pastures beside still, soothing waters.

The sheep isn’t running around worrying about where his next meal is coming from – he’s lying down in green pastures. The Psalm doesn’t start with action, it starts with rest. Christianity isn’t so much about what we do for God, it’s about all God does for us. “In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins” (1 JN 4.10).

What a needed and beautiful reminder this is. My faith is built, not on my merits or works, but on God's holy activity. My Father loves me. My Savior redeemed me. My Spirit guides me. My Shepherd cares for my needs.

Too Busy?

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. For the Lord will not cast off forever, but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love. Lamentations 3:21-25,31

I was reminded of these verses this morning. How I am grateful for the great faithfulness of my God and abundant mercies that are new every morning. If I were to describe this week as crazy, that would be an understatement. But I'm aware that the craziness is only beginning.

This week at work has consisted of long hours training my replacement for my current job, completing the tasks that have been on the "back burner" for months and finishing the training manual on how to do the tasks I do on a daily / weekly / monthly basis. It is a critical week for Monika (my replacement) because beginning on Monday, I will be swamped with learning my new job and will not have much (if any) time available for her training.

My relationship with God has slipped. Or better stated, plumeted off a cliff. To my shame, I've found myself "too busy" to read about God, "too tired" to pray and "too overwhelmed" to approach the only One who can assist me.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10:38-42

As I'm sitting here, distracted by all the preparations that need to be made, I have, like Martha, forgotten the main thing. Though its true that preparations need to be made, they cannot be my main focus. In my desire to end my current position with excellence, I cannot forget that my ultimate responsibility is not to my manager. My ultimate goal is not to properly train Monika. My ultimate task is to look to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my faith.

My coworker, Jay Tee, just walked by singing in his typical fashion. He either sings Christmas songs, or the good old-time-y gospel hymns. Today, He walked by my desk singing "all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer." (excerpt from "What a Friend we Have in Jesus"). Its exactly what I needed to hear.

I have a friend in Jesus.

He cares about my business.

He wants to reveal more of Himself to me through this time.

He gives abundant mercies to cover my loads of cares.

He is still my Refuge.

He is my Shield.

He bears my griefs.

He listenes to my prayers.

He strengthens in my weakness.

He patiently loves and simply reminds me to get back in line.

He reminds me what truly is necessary.

Only One Thing

Shut out the world with all its distractions

All of its noise and empty attractions

And shut me in, Lord

To the presence of Your glory

Shut out my cares and all of my worries

All of my fears and all of my hurries

And shut me in, Lord

To the presence of Your glory

Only one thing is necessary

Only one thing is necessary

To sit at Your feet

To sit at Your feet

And gaze upon Your beauty

Shut out the lie that I can’t come near You

You bought me with blood and taught me to fear You

So shut me in, Lord

To the presence of Your glory

For here in Your presence my soul is satisfied

Here in Your presence my soul finds all delight

Here in Your presence my soul is thirsting for You

Yes, I’m thirsting for You

Only one thing is necessary

Only one thing is necessary

To sit at Your feet

To sit at Your feet

And gaze upon Your beauty

written by Mark Altrogge
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grace for the weary

i'm listening to the Come Weary Saints cd right now while I'm sitting in my favorite spot in my room (on the floor leaning up against my recliner, laptop in my lap, water bottle next to me. Why I don't ever sit IN my recliner I'm not really sure).

I'm tired. Both physically and emotionally I'm worn out. It was a long week. There are a plethora of thoughts swarming in my mind.

I just got done having dinner with my family to celebrate my mom's birthday. I love them dearly, but our times together always leave me sad. There's a level of depth and communion that just isn't there like exists with my church family and friends and that affects everything. Its just not "home" when we're together.

I wish it weren't so. It hurts so deeply. I pray every day for resolution - I pray every day for sweet relationships and fellowship as fellow believers (albeit disagreeing in areas).

I know He can. I pray He does.

I struggle with seeing families in my church that have what I long for. My heart wants to accuse God. With tear filled eyes and an aching heart, I so desperately want to question why. And He says simply "come - I'll give your weary heart rest. Trust me. I'm sovereign and loving and good and have ordained each step of your life and each person in your life for my glory and your good."

That's a hard pill to swallow at times. I want my parents to talk to my grandparents again. I want my mom to talk to her brother. I want to be able to mention the name "dave" to my family without a wall going up. I want us all as Christians to experience sweet unity because of the cross. I don't understand why it doesn't happen. I don't understand how this can be God's will. I don't understand why He doesn't allow for restoration and healing. I don't know why family times are always accompanied by a big pink elephant. I want to know why.

And God simply says "Emily, I'm good. I haven't forgotten your prayers. I've seen every tear that has fallen. I know every hurt you've never spoken of. I've heard each cry. So, trus - trust in ME my child. I really do care."

I'm weary. I need grace. I need a reminder of my Shelter from the storms because the storms are pounding down on my heart right now. But I know that God is my answer, not restored relationships. He's greater than that. My confidence is not that one day I may have a family with no struggles, rather its that I serve a God who cares about these things.

I belong to a Father that never fails. I have a daddy who lavishes overabundant grace every day. Grace to endure trials. trials like family problems. Grace for surface relationships. Grace for a heart that wants more and doesn't know if it will ever happen. Grace from a God who is not surprised by this trial.

Grace for the weary.

The Courtroom Verdict

"I cannot escape the exceeding wonder that not only does God look upon a guilty person in the court room and exercise clemency and forgive him and say, "you're guilty, I forgive you, go and sin no more", but he, also, beyond all imagination looks upon this guilty sinner and does not just say, "you're guilty, I forgive you" he says "you're not guilty." I mean forgiveness is understandable - just a little bit understandable – we kind of had some way to get our hands around forgiveness: you let it go; you don't hold it against them. But this looks me right in the face, right in the face, sinner that I am, and says "righteous."

John Piper

Spiritual Stupidity

“Do any of us find decays in grace prevailing in us;—deadness, coldness, lukewarmness, a kind of spiritual stupidity and senselessness coming upon us? Do we find an unreadiness unto the exercise of grace in its proper season, and the vigorous acting of it in duties of communion with God? and would we have our souls recovered from these dangerous diseases?

Let us assure ourselves there is no better way for our healing and deliverance, yea, no other way but this alone,—namely, the obtaining of a fresh view of the glory of Christ by faith, and a steady abiding therein. Constant contemplation of Christ and his glory, putting forth its transformation power unto the revival of all grace, is the only relief in this case” (The Works of John Owen, I, 395).

Substitutionary Atonement (he took my place)

I read the crucifixion narrative last night and was moved to tears not long after I began reading.

My first response upon reading it was disgust. Disgust at the graphic nature of what I was reading. I don't like graphic things. I don't like scary or gross things. I wanted to stop reading. I wanted to walk away. That feeling then turned into disgust that this narrative was actually reality - this was a real man who suffered real pain and died a real death - it's not just a story that resulted in a cool necklace design. And then disgust that God would go to such lengths and suffer such humiliation and pain for me and for my sin. And disgust that this cross and this reality does not affect my soul like it should.

My second response (which was simultaneous to the first), to my shame, was honestly one of cold-hearted apathy. The disgust made me want to turn away. The story was familiar. Jesus was beaten. He suffered lots of pain as they beat him. He died a cruel death to take my sins upon himself. But He rose again. That's the real story. He lives. There's hope.

Strike one. I kept reading...

I looked on this narrative with disgust (despised and rejected of men) as I was reading. but there I found love. His response to my disgust was the same as his response to the centurion. He looked on me with eyes of love. With a love that existed before the world did. The tears began to flow at this point.

In His lonliness, He trusted. In his trial, He looked to His daddy. Holiness in human form became treated like trash. Yet, he faithfully followed the will of His Father.

... but the story doesn't stop there. I have sadly become familiar with this love. I expect it. He's God. That's what He does. He loves. Its in John 3:16 - He loved the world...

Strike two...

What I wasn't expecting was the interaction that took place while Jesus was actually on the cross itself. As a result of both my disgust and the fact that I know the end of the story, I don't take the necessary time to sit at the foot of the cross and marvel in the substitutionary atonement of Christ. I pass it off as mere details and miss the beauty found in that disgustingly graphic scene.

I've always pictured Christ as taking my sin - as if He were taking a bag full of evil deeds and holding them on His back while He was on the cross. He was still perfect, just holding my sin for me. However, that's not what the crucifixion narrative last night showed me. And I don't believe that's what truly happened there that day.

As God the Father, the holy righteous Judge of the universe, looked at His beloved, sinless, holy, perfect Son, hanging there on that cross, He saw sin. He saw a vile, wretched betrayer of the holy, sovereing Creator. He saw the sin of unbelief, the sin of discontentment, the sin of arrogant pride. He saw a man who worshipped idols and turned from trusting in the one and living God. God saw cowardice, He saw hatred, He saw ungratefulness, He saw disgusting, vile undending wretchedness. And He was disgusted. He was disgusted by the unbelief that Jesus was. He saw Jesus as a filthy, wreched whore. He saw Him as a drunk. He saw Him as someone seeking satisfaction in riches. He saw Jesus, the only man who ever lived a perfect life, wholly for the glory of God, with no ill-intent, no lack of trust, no self-sufficiency - God saw that man as me. I am the one who is a filthy idolator. I am the one who is sinfully discontent and complains about my sorry state. I am the one who looks to my own ability and turns from infinite Power. I am the one. When God looked at His son on the cross, He didn't just see a perfect Jesus holding a bag of my sin. He saw a filthy disgusting Jesus that was guilty of that death he was suffering at that moment. He saw deserved pain and suffering. He saw a just punishment from someone who was deserving of that wrath. He saw me.

But because He's a holy God, he couldn't look at that. He turned away. He removed His presence from the One who had always been in union with Him. God the Father deserted His Son who had never not been wholly with Him for eternity. And in judgment, He left him there to die. God walked away in disgust. Not disgust because of the graphic nature of a beaten man hanging naked and bleeding on a tree. Rather disgust because of who Jesus was at that moment. Jesus was sin. He was justly cursed by God because He was sin. He, at that moment, was not viewed in the eyes of the Father as "my beloved Son in whom I am well pleased." No, He was viewed by His Father as a traitor, as a usurper, as a blasphemer, a complainer and as an anti-christ.

Jesus bore that for me. In his perfection, He became sin for me. He who knew no sin for all eternity, took my place in His body on that tree. He was, at that moment, everything that I am. It should have been me. I should have been beaten beyond recongition. I should have had the nails in my hands and the thorns in my head. I should have been cursed by God. I should have been forsaken.


But in love, He took my place. In His mercy, He bore what I didn't ask him to bear. In His grace, He took it all. He drank and drank and drank and drank that cup of God's wrath until it was dry. He drank it for my pride and arrogance and self-sufficient idolatry and for my murderous thoughts and for my unrepentant ungrateful heart. He drank for me. That cup, that for all eternity would have to be drunk by me and could still never be satisfied, was completely satisfied that day. It is empty. Not only is the tomb empty, but the cup is empty too!! God's wrath is completely satisfied. His anger and judgment for who I was, was completley taken in love, by that man that I looked upon with disgust. That man that I wanted to turn away from, didn't turn away from taking my place though He could have. That man that God looked upon as deserving of that punishment, bore it all so that God will never look upon me that way. The One who had never been separated from His Fater, was separated so that I never will be.

The words "amazing grace" are insufficient. There are no words. There are not enough tears to express the emotion found that day. There is not enough to give to someone who did all that for me. Truly this man was the Son of God. Truly, this was a magnificent substitution. He bore my sins! He took my place. He died my death. He hurt so I wouldn't have to. He suffered so I could go free. He cried in lonly agony so that I could rejoice. He was forsaken by the Judge, so I could be accepted by the Father.

It is finished. There is no payment required from me. The debt has not been cancelled, it has been paid. The sins have not been removed, they have been cursed. God will never look upon me in condemnation, for He condemned every transgression of mine that day. There was not one sin of mine that God did not see in Jesus that day. They are all gone. They are all paid. They are finished.

Embracing Accusations

I first heard this song a few weeks ago at the Shane & Shane concert. The words are powerful. I am cursed and gone astray... the devil is correct in that accusation. But that's not the end of the story...

Jesus works at a Coffee Shop

Something that Rick mentions often with his kids is this: when they do something right, its not simply "good job, that was nice, I'm proud of you." Instead what he says is "thank you for looking like Jesus when you did that." What an eternal perspective that gives the mundane tasks we encounter on a daily basis. Evidences of grace are not only to be found in the walking-on-the-water moments of life, but every day - everywhere. If the heavens themselves declare God's glory, why are we so often surprised when we see it around us?

So, yesterday, I was at the Silver Chair - just sitting and journaling. For the sake of everyone who reads this blog, I won't post the entire journal entry (3 pages, font size 8 and 10) but if your'e interested, let me know and I'd be happy to send it to you. The time began with Ps. 139 - how precious to me are your thoughts, oh God! - Do you ever have those "aha" moments where something you've "known" for your entire life suddenly takes on new meaning? Well, that's what happened here. I had always interpreted this verse as saying "how precious are your thoughts of me oh God" and looked at it as the way God viewes us post-regeneration. But I don't quite think that was the Psalmist's intent. It says "how precious to me are your thoughts..." So, that spurned 3 hours of meditation on the thoughts of God. What do they mean? What do they signify? What implications do God's thoughts have on my life?

As I was processing and working through my thoughts on thoughts (hehe! i'm smiling right now as I'm thinking of my fellow-muser Jess R) =). So, there I was, away from the world, and lo and behold... who was there?... I ran into Jesus. Not just a book about Jesus, but the life and heart of Jesus at work on display. Matt McCarnan was working last night at the store. Those glimpses of God started the moment I walked in. Here's how it progressed...

"hi"
"hey there. have you ever been here before?"
"nope. a great friend told me it was a nice cozy place to think and I believe that would do me a lot of good. can i get some tea before i sit down?"
"well, i knew you would ask, so i'm actually already heating the water for you. Pick out the kind you want, find a place to sit and I'll bring it to you."

aside here - seriously, who anticipates needs like this? I'd never been there before. I've never that I can remember had a cup of tea when Matt's around. So, the evening continued...

"I think I'll sit on this comfy looking couch here."
"yeah its great - I've practically slept there before."
"um... is there an outlet nearby? my laptop doesn't last long without some juice."

this was the point when Matt is on his knees pulling books off the shelf to find an outlet behind them.

"um. its okay. i can sit somewhere else."
"don't be ridiculous... you're gonna sit here."
"um. okay. but seriously..."
"just stop it. I'm finding you a solution here. now sit down and let me do my job."

not exact words but that was the basic idea. :) So, he comes back a second later with a power strip, finds an old plug, unplugs what's there and plugs it into the power strip and then proceeds to hold out his hand (I was sitting at this point on the couch) and takes my power strip and plugs it in so I didn't have to get up. Feeling guilty for him serving so painstakingly (note: painstakingly is a synonym for earnestly... sound familiar?), I got up to go get my tea. I take the little pot with flowers on it and sit back down. I drink a cup and then realize I'd like a little sugar and cream. So, I get back up and get it. I ask him if he'd mind taking the teabag out of the pot b/c I think its been there long enough. He does. The evening goes on.

Later I order a second pot of tea, simply as a bladder cleansing ritual (well, that's what my body thought... I ordered it because it was yummy!) When it's done, he brings it to me. About 5 minutes later, I look to take the teabag out and lo and behold it wasn't there. Mr. Jesus-impersonater had thought ahead and already done it.

What an encouragement those little things (and so many more) were to me last night. I entered the bookstore parched, weary and desperately begging for the Holy Spirit to refresh me. It happened in an unexpected manner. I left the bookstore having seen a personal flesh-and-blood example of the sermon from Sunday. I left having experienced what it means to be earnestly loved. One question from Sunday was "what does gospel love feel like?" It felt like I felt when I left the Silver Chair last night at 9:54. I felt blessed. I felt overwhelmed with God' goodness as displayed through Matt. I was blown away by his humility.

I know if you ask Matt, he would simply say he was doing his job. That's ridiculous. His job is to make sure no one who wants to buy something can't find the employee. His job is to learn more about the books they sell. His job is simply to make coffee and keep the overall peace. He did far more. He served. He loved. It was cool. It "felt" great to see this gospel love and service. It felt like I was looking at Jesus. It felt like a cold shower after a long run on a hot day or like a cup of hot chocolate on a cold, rainy day. It felt refreshing, encouraging and renewing.

He's Singing, I'm Quiet... He's Glorified, I'm Humbled

"Sing aloud, O daughter of Zion; shout, O Israel! Rejoice and exult with all your heart, O daughter of Jerusalem! The Lord has taken away the judgments against you; he has cleared away your enemies. The King of Israel, the Lord, is in your midst; you shall never again fear evil. On that day it shall be said to Jerusalem: “Fear not, O Zion; let not your hands grow weak. The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. I will gather those of you who mourn for the festival, so that you will no longer suffer reproach. Behold, at that time I will deal with all your oppressors. And I will save the lame and gather the outcast, and I will change their shame into praise and renown in all the earth. At that time I will bring you in, at the time when I gather you together; for I will make you renowned and praised among all the peoples of the earth, when I restore your fortunes before your eyes,” says the Lord." (Zephaniah 3:14-20 ESV)