Baptism Photos

Buried and Raised in Christ - Union

Yesterday was baptism Sunday at church. I hope to have pictures soon to be able to post, but I just want to say it was simply an awesome day.

During worship, God was reminding me of my union with Christ... the joy found in that truth... and how marriage and baptism are both a picture of that union. I didn't expect baptism to remind me of marriage (especially since I'm not married), but here's what was going through my mind...

1. it is a public display - I am commited to this person forever and I want everyone to know.

2. it is a time of rejoicing corporately - the entire church joined in the celebration... they rejoiced, they clapped, they gave hugs galore!!!

3. some people laugh and hoop and holler, some cry. Not a big surprise here, but I was the latter. :)

4. in a wedding, your dad typically gives you away. in baptism, my spriritual leader, friend and pastor had the honor of baptising me. You could see in his eyes that he was rejocing with me, you could sense and feel it as he hugged me, and smiled and cried. so much was wrapped up in that moment. He cares for my soul with such excellence. God has lavishly blessed our church with not just one amazing leader, but three! what a gift. I am grateful beyond words.

5. it reveals the levels and depths of friendships - some stand close by your side in a wedding... some just hug you for all its worth while they are in their church clothes and you're sopping wet. at that moment, the last 5 years re-entered my mind... a friendship that has been formed by only God's grace alone... a friendship sweeter than I ever could have asked for. the main reason I had the honor of even standing there at that moment, dripping and smelling of chlorine, was because of how God worked in and through my sweet friend, Jessica Britt. Her patience, love and care is what led me to Christ. Her example made the gospel appealing to me - a sinner who had until that moment been content to wallow in my sin. So, Jess (since I know you're reading this)... thank you. Thank you for obeying the Spirit when He asked you to reach out to me. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for your ongoing care over the past 5 (but especially the last 2 1/2 years). I'm not the same person that I was 5 years ago as a result. I pray that God lavishly, richly blesses you. I pray you feel His pleasure. I pray that I will be able to be the same friend to another struggling hopeless visitor, that you were to me.


It was a beautiful day. Every testimony given made me cry. God's grace is not merely great enough to reach into our sin-ravaged lives, He does it in a specific, personal, tender, caring, intimate way. Just like no proposal is the same... no salvation is the same.

Jesus truly is sweet. It is an honor to call Him mine. It is a joy to be in union with Him. It is my delight to serve Him. What a joy. What a splendid time of sweetness that has begun.

To be honest, I didn't expect all that...

The secret strength of faith

“Tell me I pray thee wherein thy great strength lieth.”
Judges 16:6

Where lies the secret strength of faith? It lies in the food it feeds on; for faith studies what the promise is—an emanation of divine grace, an overflowing of the great heart of God; and faith says, “My God could not have given this promise, except from love and grace; therefore it is quite certain his Word will be fulfilled.”

Then faith thinketh, “Who gave this promise?” It considereth not so much its greatness, as, “Who is the author of it?” She remembers that it is God who cannot lie—God omnipotent, God immutable; and therefore concludeth that the promise must be fulfilled; and forward she advances in this firm conviction. She remembereth,why the promise was given,—namely, for God’s glory, and she feels perfectly sure that God’s glory is safe, that he will never stain his own escutcheon, nor mar the lustre of his own crown; and therefore the promise must and will stand.

Then faith also considereth the amazing work of Christ as being a clear proof of the Father’s intention to fulfil his word. “He that spared not his own Son, but freely delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?”

Moreover faith looks back upon the past, for her battles have strengthened her, and her victories have given her courage. She remembers that God never has failed her; nay, that he never did once fail any of his children. She recollecteth times of great peril, when deliverance came; hours of awful need, when as her day her strength was found, and she cries, “No, I never will be led to think that he can change and leave his servant now. Hitherto the Lord hath helped me, and he will help me still.”

Thus faith views each promise in its connection with the promise-giver, and, because she does so, can with assurance say, “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life!”

The Answer for the Hope

Today at lunch, God opened up a door to share with my new coworker, the answer to the hope that is within me. It started with a conversation about my new job, learning how to work with new personalities, etc. That somehow morphed into a discussion about where I live, where I go to church and how I ended up there.

My coworker is not a Christian, does not claim to be, and from what I assess, is who I was 5 years ago - skeptical about a belief that in many ways seems "too good to be true." I remember telling Rick 5 years ago that the church family he was describing to me didn't exist, but if it did, that must truly be the greatest place on earth. But that I didn't believe it existed at all. My coworker's in that place today.

She seems to be open to hearing what I have to say, out of a genuine desire to get to know who I am. What an opportunity to share with her who my Jesus is.

So, I was able to start the conversation about what true genuine Christ-like love looks like - it looks like something we don't often see from "church-goers" - it looks like a transformation of what a person values in their life - it looks like loving the unloveable, caring more for their souls than the outward appearance (with an understanding that the outward appearance often reflects the inner man), disagreeing with someone's actions but not judging the person.

I didn't quite express it in those terms, but I shared with her what an impact my friends at Sovereign Grace Church have had on my hopeless life. My intent was to start building a relationship, start sharing some of what God has done in me, and when she mentioned that "I've really pulled myself up by my bootstraps" attempting humbly (though not fully understood) that my life is just an example of God's amazing grace at work.

She accurately mentioned that "you can't just change yourself - its important to have other people around you helping you see the truth." How true that statement is. I shared with her that apart from God's grace at work in and through my friends, I can confidently say I would not be today where I am now.

I think today's conversation was the first of many. I am grateful for my friends. I am indebted to the change that God has brought about as a result of their faithful witness to me - through their faithful living out of humble orthodoxy. By God's grace, I desire to live that same witness out before my coworker and friend. I pray that God opens her eyes, that perhaps she comes to church in a few weeks when I am going to be baptized.

I haven't yet asked if she would like to come -I pray that God would deepen the friendship, that He would support this bridge so that one day I will be able to carry across the truth of my Friend that died on a tree so many years ago.

I pray that God would continue to provide opportunities like today, when my union with Christ flowed as an easy topic of conversation. Looking back on lunch, wow... His grace was evident. I did not fear to share with her, the words flowed off my tongue with excitement about who my friends (and who my Greatest Friend) are. How sweet to see if the God who pursued me through the lives of my friends, would use me and begin (or possibly continue?!) to pursue my coworker. I pray that the Hound of Heaven would go hunting again, that the Shepherd would seek out yet another lost sheep, and that He would passionately and personally pursue her through His love, as displayed most magnificently on the Cross.

Taste and See

Your words were found and I ate them, and they became a delight to me and a joy to my soul...

For I lead the blind in ways that they do not know... I do not forsake them.

Oh taste and see that the Lord is good...


I enjoy good cuisine. I enjoy beautiful scenery. But nothing compares to tasting and seeing God's goodness. Nothing compares to the magnificence of His blessing. Nothing so adequately defines my weakness as when I see God's power on display. Nothing makes me desire God more than when I see a glimpse of Him as all desirable.

My friends, I'm overwhelmed. I've cried all day. This morning, I was yawning and exhaustedly limping into work. Then God fed me richly with Psalm 62 (I've "bolded" the words that He specifically used this morning)

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah

Those of low estate are but a breath; those of high estate are a delusion; in the balances they go up; they are together lighter than a breath.

Put no trust in extortion; set no vain hopes on robbery; if riches increase, set not your heart on them.

Once God has spoken; twice have I heard this: that power belongs to God, and that to you, O Lord, belongs steadfast love. For you will render to a man according to his work.

The first thought I had when I read that last verse was "I'm glad that's not true. I deserve hell. He's not going to render to me what I deserved. Because of the cross, because of the substitutionary perfect life of Christ, He looks at me with acceptance and pleasure. What grace! How that is undeserved!

Little did I know the roller coaster was about to take another flip - except this time it was behind my back and I couldn't see it coming...

One of the managers at work came to my desk and mentioned that he needed to talk to me when I was off the phone (I was fighting with the insurance company about the $1404 that they say I owe them from my MRI). I got off the phone and Siggi (my boss) reminded me that I needed to go talk to Jeff.
Weird.

So, I went over to Jeff (one of the manager's that is equal with my boss but I don't really work for him though I do work with him some and help him out as needed). He mentioned that he wanted to talk to me, and could we go in the conference room. He then told Siggi that we were going to meet and could he join us. The 45 seconds it took us to walk to the room, I was wondering what this was about but I wasn't nervous.

We sat down and Jeff says "are you nervous yet?" =)
I said "why, should I be??" =)

That's when he proceeded to tell me that what he was about to tell me was that he wants to offer me a position in program planning. That is the department that looks at the requirements from assembly and plans how the cars are going to be organized (by discussing with other departments in Germany and an overall view of how the plant functions and what would be the best steps to take). Basically, easily explained, look at the big picture, break it down to the itty bitty parts and then like a puzzle, put it back together in the best way possible.

Honestly, it is one of those jobs I always thought would be a great job but never thought I could get. There are only 11 people in that department and there were no planned openings anytime in the next 5 years.

Um, can you say overwhelmed?? Tina (who will be my boss) hand picked me because she has been watching my work now for months and has been working on getting this approved for literally 6 months! I'm blown away. I'm SO excited.

That's the cake...

...here's the icing...

Someone contacted the church office today (aka Jess) and wanted to register me for the Worship God conference.

WHAT?!!?#$$#(*$? :) Are you kidding me?

Psalm 62 was what God reminded me this morning. He rewards those who trust in Him. He is faithful. He is 2 things: powerful and steadfastly loving.

He is ridiculously amazing if you ask me.

There are no words to describe it. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve yet another blessing - I fail to trust Him. I doubt His goodness. I question His ways. I complain about my current state. And He says wait, hope, rest and trust while you are pouring out your heart to Me.

And still, I fail there. I don't wait with excellence. I don't rest without trying to plan out the next 23 steps. I don't trust without questioning "what if." I pour out my heart to my laptop and fail to do so to my Jesus.

Yet He still chooses to bless. I don't get it. I don't deserve such kindness. Doesn't He know I didn't perfectly believe He really would bless?

Yet, still He chooses to.

Taste and See...

Taste through those words that were found.
See because He brings sight to the blind as He leads and as they pour out their hearts.

What a feast! What a view!
What a God!

Safely Home

excerpt from "Safely Home" by Randy Alcorn... thoughts to follow...

"The watchers searched the earth, their eyes probing every tent, cave, hole, and dungeon. The King looked at the continents, his eyes searching from place to place. He would pause periodically, watch and nod.

In the Netherlands a small church gathered on its knees to pray for the persecuted. In Australia, a church took a special offering to assist a ministry getting Bibles into closed countries. In Korea, a church made plans to cross the border. In Singapore, a man left his family to board a plane, for some remote destination.

His eyes rested now on a 5th grade Sunday school class in America as they collected money. “This is all I earned last summer mowing lawns” said a boy. “This is the money I was saving for a bicycle” a little girl said, smiling. A boy proudly handed his teacher an envelope. She opened it, then looked at him. “Where did this come from?” I told mom and dad we’d been talking about persecuted Christians and how to help them.

I told them how we were all making a sacrifice to collect money to help. My parents said they wanted to help too. So I said maybe we didn’t have to go to Disney Land; maybe we could just go to the beach for the weekend. That’s what we did. We had a great time. This is all the money we would have spent, you know for planes and hotels and admissions and everything.

The King watched nodding and smiling. “Thank you” he said to the children in the Sunday school class. He turned to the men and angels of the watching heavens “whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did it for Me. Your reward shall be great."

"Never forget Jesu is King. Never forget this is not your home. Never forget your Father is waiting for you."

Blindness

Today is Sunday - a day of worship - a day to reflect on the amazing grace of God and His wonderful blessings in our lives. Praise God, I have not had a migraine since last Sunday, and though I have had auras, headaches, etc, I was able to sing today during worship. Despite the seeming unending technical difficulties with the sound system, it was such an encouragement to stand and view the faces of my church family - many who are suffering, many who are weary - to see those faces offering a sacrifice of praise to God - the One who faithfully sustains through all trials.

To see hands lifted high in worship to the One who cried tears so that their eyes could be dried. To see Jim singing with tear-filled eyes, sorrowing for the loss of his dear wife and best friend of so many years. To see Rose catch my eye with a smile on her face, realizing that my standing there was an answer to her prayers. To see Christa, with both hands lifted high and a smile on her face not because of her uncomfortable silence, but because her trustworthy God is proving Himself to be greater. To see Jimmy standing on the front row speechless, with joy on his face - and knowing that he slept last night after countless nights of insomnia! To see Dave working on the sound board, rejoicing that He's able to stand today and not be in so much pain that he can't be at church. To see new faces, that for the first time were experiencing that time of corporate worship. To see Kayce, knowing this was her second worship service as a Christian - I'm overwhelmed by God's greatness at work in our midst. Its an honor to stand side by side with such faithful Christians approaching the Throne of Grace together.

During our worship rehersal this morning, we were practicing "Grace Unmeasured" and Jim took a moment to point out to the band an evidence of grace in Danny Robert's life. Danny (our pianist) is in his young twenties and he and his wife, Nikki had a son 2 1/2 months ago. Baby Bentley had to be rushed to the NICU shortly after birth and spent the first few weeks of his life struggling to survive. By God's grace, Bentley came to church last Sunday for the first time. What a joy to see his tiny body in his mother's arms. What a sweet time of rejocing that was.

And then to find out today that Bentley is legally blind and may never see clearly or live a "normal" life. To hear Danny talk about that with a smile on his face because he knows that God will continue to sustain. To see gratefulness in his heart overflowing through his sparkling eyes because his dear son should be dead, but is still miraculously with us. What an evidence of God's overwhelming and abundant grace at work.

I have much to learn from Danny and Nikki. I thank God for bringing them to us 2 years ago. Our body would not be the same without them.

I pray that God in His abundant mercy would heal Bentley. But I realized today that if He doesn't do this, that the first face Bentley will ever see is the face of His Creator! What an honor! What a joy that would be!! To be blind, with no grasp of beauty and then to wake up to complete Beauty that is ever-present. To see men as "trees walking" and then walk hand in hand with the One who heals both soul and body!

I pray that God would most importantly draw dear Bentley to Him - that He would resuce His soul and provide a peace that has nothing to do with physical blindness. I know He can do this, for He has healed my spiritual blindness. He caused my scaly eyes to view a glimpse of His glory on the amazing, horrible Cross. I pray the same for Bentley. And I pray that the Jesus who had mercy on the weak and hurting, would show, yet again, his abundant mercy on His weak and hurting children - that He would lavish Danny and Nikki with overflowing, ever-present, tender grace.

Come Weary Saints - part 2

How do you define a good CD? Is it something that makes you feel good? Is it something that evokes a certain emotion or reaction? Is it something that is pleasing to your ears? What makes it "good"?

I would like to propose that "Come Weary Saints" the newest album by Sovereign Grace Music is a good CD. Good, not because it makes me feel good, but good because of what it is about. I posted earlier this morning about one of the songs. Since then, the CD been on "repeat" in iTunes and has been playing over and over again. Over the next few days, I plan to post in more detail about each of the songs.

One thing I've noticed is that this CD is about hope. But its not about a hope based in the absence of trials, its about finding our hope in Christ - choosing to trust a Hope right in the midst of trials. This hope and peace does not means what the world typically thinks of as hope and peace. Its not a "feel good" thing at all.

Our hope is found in the love of Jesus. My freedom is found in Him, not in the abscence of trials or struggles. The third song on the album "As Long As You Are Glorified" talks about this hope.

It is a song I desperately need to hear over and over again, and a song that my selfish and prideful heart wants to skip. My heart willingly thanks God in times of blessings and days of sunshine and then grumbles when it rains. It is hard to sing wholeheartedly "let your will be done in me - I long for nothing else but that You are glorified." Those words hurt. Those words don't easily roll off my tongue.

They need to be learned. They need to be rehersed. They need practice, for I tend to neglect those words. I forget that my God is sovereign (“Sovereignty is the exclusive right (legal or moral entitlement) to have complete control over an area of governance, people, or oneself. A sovereign is the supreme lawmaking authority, subject to no other.” (definition taken from Wikipedia)). I forget that God is loving. My heart looks away from that Hope. I forget Psalm 23 - that God accompanies in the valleys (2. Cor 12:9, Mk 14:35-36, Lam 3:21-24, Hab 3:17-19) but that He also leads through the valleys (Job 42:12-17, Genesis 45).

I want to learn this lesson. I don't want someone to write about me one day what was written about the children of Israel in Psalm 81.

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Shall I take from your hand your blessings
Yet not welcome any pain?
Shall I thank you for days of sunshine
Yet grumble in days of rain?
Shall I love you in times of plenty
Then leave you in days of drought?
Shall I trust when I reap the harvest
But when winter winds blow then doubt?

Oh let your will be done in me
In your love I will abide.
Oh I long for nothing else as long
As you are glorified.

Are you good only when I prosper,
And true only when I’m filled?
Are you King only when I’m carefree,
And God only when I’m well?
You are Good when I’m poor and needy
You are True when I’m parched and dry.
You still reign in the deepest valley
You’re still God in the darkest night.

Oh let your will be done in me
In your love I will abide.
Oh I long for nothing else as long
As you are glorified.

So quiet my restless heart
Quiet my restless heart
Quiet my restless heart
In You

Oh let your will be done in me
In your love I will abide.
Oh I long for nothing else as long
As you are glorified.

Written by Mark Altrogge
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Father, give me more grace to trust in You. Let your love compel me to say "no matter what - your will be done." God, your glory is amazing, and I only glimpse the fringes. May my life highlight your glory. May you be satisfied with my sacrifice - not a sacrifice of words, but a sacrifice of praise from a heart that is full of You.

Spiritual Stupidity

“Do any of us find decays in grace prevailing in us;—deadness, coldness, lukewarmness, a kind of spiritual stupidity and senselessness coming upon us? Do we find an unreadiness unto the exercise of grace in its proper season, and the vigorous acting of it in duties of communion with God? and would we have our souls recovered from these dangerous diseases?

Let us assure ourselves there is no better way for our healing and deliverance, yea, no other way but this alone,—namely, the obtaining of a fresh view of the glory of Christ by faith, and a steady abiding therein. Constant contemplation of Christ and his glory, putting forth its transformation power unto the revival of all grace, is the only relief in this case” (The Works of John Owen, I, 395).

Wave upon Wave meets Grace upon Grace

Life brings waves. Another day lived brings more waves. That is what I have to look forward to. Every day there will be new trials. Every day there will be new struggles and pain and sorrow. Every day on this earth will be hard in its own, new, unique way.

But that thought doesn't depress me. It doesn't make me want to give up and cry. It simply makes me long for heaven more. A day when I will wake up, look my Savior in the face and be in His presence completely. Not a presence of wrath and judgment - a presence of love and mercy. What a day! What a sight for my weary, worn eyes that will be.

It makes me think of the old song I grew up on: "what a day that will be when my Jesus I shall see. When I look upon His face, the One who saved me by His grace. When He takes me by the hand, leads me through the Promised Land... what a day, glorious day that will be."

But for now, there are trials. For now, there are "light" and "momentary" afflictions. But my confidence isn't in having a "suck it up and endure" attitude. My confidence is that my Savior has not only rescued me from an eternity of damnation; He has given me hope for this life and strength for these weary days too. That hope is found in His ever-present grace. Grace upon grace is flooding over me as the waves upon waves seem to overwhelm me.

As I'm more aware of my weakness... as He takes and takes away, I am beginning to see that what He gives is so much more meaningful. He may take my ability to teach German. He may take my ability to sing. He may weaken (and hopefully one day kill) my pride in my accomplishments, but He is giving GRACE. That is sweet. It is precious and I'm grateful for it. He is taking me and giving Himself. Why would I ask for that to be taken away?

The migraines aren't every day. But they are still almost daily. Overall, the pain is either decreasing due to the new treatment or I'm just learning to manage it better. I think its both. I know I've had more energy in the past week. But I hesitate to ask for healing. I know my tendency. I boast in my accomplishments. I take pride in my strenghts and look to my abilities as the answer. But how I long for the day when my boasting is in Christ alone... when my hope is in Christ alone... when my strength is mediated through Him alone... when my gifts truly bring Him glory alone. I want that.

There is a sweet peace found in His strength that I don't experience on a daily basis. But I have experienced it. And I want more of it. I want more grace. I want more of His power. I want to lean on Him (realizing that means I'm stripped of more of me). I want a faith that is unshakeable, an anchor that is firm through the fiercest drought and storms, a hope that is built on a firm foundation. Its sweet.

Though it hurts, its refreshing. Though it comes through pain, there is comfort. And the comfort makes the pain pale in comparison.

Mike

So, I went to the dr today and apparently migranes are not my problem. I apparently have some kind of infection or parasite in my brain. I've lovingly named him Mike and I want him to die.

I'm on meds now and go back in 6 weeks. I'm hoping and praying this helps. We'll see...

God has been very kind through this. I want that intimate closeness to continue whether the migraines do or not. That would be my prayer. I don't want that sweetness to end with the migraines. And if the migraines don't end, I don't want the sweetness to either. God is good. He is kind and has been patient with my weakness throughout this.

I'm grateful for that. I'm glad for His grace at work. I'm desperately needy for more of it. And thankfully, I have the promise that it will never run dry. That's cool.

Sweetly Broken

Refocusing

I changed the title of my blog today from "Emily's blog: random musings into the character of God and its implications in my life..." to "A Sacrifice of Praise."

This change is for several reasons.

The first is because over the last month or so, God has been lovingly stripping me of "Emily's thoughts" which are often based in feelings and transferring those with truths found in His unchanging Word. This past month of pain and trials has shown me an inexpressable comfort and sweetness found in Him and His Words. My focus must dwell there more.

As I was reading today in Hebrews 13, I came across the following verses:
So Jesus also suffered outside the gate in order to sanctify the people through his own blood. Therefore let us go to him outside the camp and bear the reproach he endured. For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come. Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name.

Because of the cross, I have been drawn near to Christ. He's commanded, as His follower, that I die to my desires and hopes that are tied to this world and follow Him, looking to the hope that is to come. With that in mind... in light of the cross... in light of eternity, how can I not praise? How can my words not be filled with gratitude? How can I not acknowlege that Jesus is truly the sweetest name I know?

So, the second reason for the change is because I want my life to be this sacrifice of praise. I want to be so enamoured by the cross that everything else pales in comparison. I want my words to reflect gratefulness for the mercy He's given to me. Having those words at the beginning of my blog each time I log in, will physically help me to remember to praise, not complain... to rejoice, not lament... to look up, not look around or down.

I want to sing. Whether in a dark prison at midnight or in fields of happy sunshine. My response should be a sacrifice of praise because my situation does not determine my feelings. Truth does.

This is a sacrifice because I must surrender all. I must die to my idolatrous desires, as I submit to the will of my Father. I must make a choice to say "no" when my heart screams otherwise. That is a sacrifice worth giving. In view of what He sacrificed, this can scarecely even be called sacrifice. It is minimal compared to His cross.

This is a joyful sacrifice filled with praise, for He has washed my sins away. He has promised to lead the blind. He has promised to guide and comfort no matter what the trial may be. I can praise because God will never forsake. He will always lead. He will always guide me in ways that to me are unfamiliar.

That's why I praise. That's what changes everything. Joy is found in death. The death of my Savior brings sweet hope. And the death to my desires brings sweet comfort as Jesus faithfully proves Himself to be more than sufficient. He IS indeed more than sufficient. He IS all. I have no need He does not address. I have no sin He did not remove. I have no cry He does not hear. There is no trial He does not walk through with me. He is indeed great.

In my weakness, I see more clearly His all-sufficiency. I can rest there with joy and peace.

Substitutionary Atonement (he took my place)

I read the crucifixion narrative last night and was moved to tears not long after I began reading.

My first response upon reading it was disgust. Disgust at the graphic nature of what I was reading. I don't like graphic things. I don't like scary or gross things. I wanted to stop reading. I wanted to walk away. That feeling then turned into disgust that this narrative was actually reality - this was a real man who suffered real pain and died a real death - it's not just a story that resulted in a cool necklace design. And then disgust that God would go to such lengths and suffer such humiliation and pain for me and for my sin. And disgust that this cross and this reality does not affect my soul like it should.

My second response (which was simultaneous to the first), to my shame, was honestly one of cold-hearted apathy. The disgust made me want to turn away. The story was familiar. Jesus was beaten. He suffered lots of pain as they beat him. He died a cruel death to take my sins upon himself. But He rose again. That's the real story. He lives. There's hope.

Strike one. I kept reading...

I looked on this narrative with disgust (despised and rejected of men) as I was reading. but there I found love. His response to my disgust was the same as his response to the centurion. He looked on me with eyes of love. With a love that existed before the world did. The tears began to flow at this point.

In His lonliness, He trusted. In his trial, He looked to His daddy. Holiness in human form became treated like trash. Yet, he faithfully followed the will of His Father.

... but the story doesn't stop there. I have sadly become familiar with this love. I expect it. He's God. That's what He does. He loves. Its in John 3:16 - He loved the world...

Strike two...

What I wasn't expecting was the interaction that took place while Jesus was actually on the cross itself. As a result of both my disgust and the fact that I know the end of the story, I don't take the necessary time to sit at the foot of the cross and marvel in the substitutionary atonement of Christ. I pass it off as mere details and miss the beauty found in that disgustingly graphic scene.

I've always pictured Christ as taking my sin - as if He were taking a bag full of evil deeds and holding them on His back while He was on the cross. He was still perfect, just holding my sin for me. However, that's not what the crucifixion narrative last night showed me. And I don't believe that's what truly happened there that day.

As God the Father, the holy righteous Judge of the universe, looked at His beloved, sinless, holy, perfect Son, hanging there on that cross, He saw sin. He saw a vile, wretched betrayer of the holy, sovereing Creator. He saw the sin of unbelief, the sin of discontentment, the sin of arrogant pride. He saw a man who worshipped idols and turned from trusting in the one and living God. God saw cowardice, He saw hatred, He saw ungratefulness, He saw disgusting, vile undending wretchedness. And He was disgusted. He was disgusted by the unbelief that Jesus was. He saw Jesus as a filthy, wreched whore. He saw Him as a drunk. He saw Him as someone seeking satisfaction in riches. He saw Jesus, the only man who ever lived a perfect life, wholly for the glory of God, with no ill-intent, no lack of trust, no self-sufficiency - God saw that man as me. I am the one who is a filthy idolator. I am the one who is sinfully discontent and complains about my sorry state. I am the one who looks to my own ability and turns from infinite Power. I am the one. When God looked at His son on the cross, He didn't just see a perfect Jesus holding a bag of my sin. He saw a filthy disgusting Jesus that was guilty of that death he was suffering at that moment. He saw deserved pain and suffering. He saw a just punishment from someone who was deserving of that wrath. He saw me.

But because He's a holy God, he couldn't look at that. He turned away. He removed His presence from the One who had always been in union with Him. God the Father deserted His Son who had never not been wholly with Him for eternity. And in judgment, He left him there to die. God walked away in disgust. Not disgust because of the graphic nature of a beaten man hanging naked and bleeding on a tree. Rather disgust because of who Jesus was at that moment. Jesus was sin. He was justly cursed by God because He was sin. He, at that moment, was not viewed in the eyes of the Father as "my beloved Son in whom I am well pleased." No, He was viewed by His Father as a traitor, as a usurper, as a blasphemer, a complainer and as an anti-christ.

Jesus bore that for me. In his perfection, He became sin for me. He who knew no sin for all eternity, took my place in His body on that tree. He was, at that moment, everything that I am. It should have been me. I should have been beaten beyond recongition. I should have had the nails in my hands and the thorns in my head. I should have been cursed by God. I should have been forsaken.


But in love, He took my place. In His mercy, He bore what I didn't ask him to bear. In His grace, He took it all. He drank and drank and drank and drank that cup of God's wrath until it was dry. He drank it for my pride and arrogance and self-sufficient idolatry and for my murderous thoughts and for my unrepentant ungrateful heart. He drank for me. That cup, that for all eternity would have to be drunk by me and could still never be satisfied, was completely satisfied that day. It is empty. Not only is the tomb empty, but the cup is empty too!! God's wrath is completely satisfied. His anger and judgment for who I was, was completley taken in love, by that man that I looked upon with disgust. That man that I wanted to turn away from, didn't turn away from taking my place though He could have. That man that God looked upon as deserving of that punishment, bore it all so that God will never look upon me that way. The One who had never been separated from His Fater, was separated so that I never will be.

The words "amazing grace" are insufficient. There are no words. There are not enough tears to express the emotion found that day. There is not enough to give to someone who did all that for me. Truly this man was the Son of God. Truly, this was a magnificent substitution. He bore my sins! He took my place. He died my death. He hurt so I wouldn't have to. He suffered so I could go free. He cried in lonly agony so that I could rejoice. He was forsaken by the Judge, so I could be accepted by the Father.

It is finished. There is no payment required from me. The debt has not been cancelled, it has been paid. The sins have not been removed, they have been cursed. God will never look upon me in condemnation, for He condemned every transgression of mine that day. There was not one sin of mine that God did not see in Jesus that day. They are all gone. They are all paid. They are finished.

Boasting

Thus says the LORD: "Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the LORD."
Jeremiah 9:23-24

My wisdom doesn't know what job I'll be doing tomorrow.
My might can't make my headaches go away.
My riches can't magically make my bills disappear.

But I have a God who is steadfast in His love. That love doesn't change when the winds blow. Through His justice, His wrath was fully poured out on His Son on the cross. That means it will never be poured out on me. That is grace and that is amazing! He is righteous in the earth - He is sovereignly in control of all things. That combination is a God who is powerful, loving and just. That is more than enough reason for boasting!

I want to know that God more. I want a deeper understanding of His love, His justice as displayed on the cross and His sovereign control over all things. I want my boasting to be there - not in my ability to think or act or anything else.

I believe that God is stripping me and divorcing me (albeit painfully) from my boasting in myself. But I'm so self-deceived. Even in that process, I still try to sneak a little of my own righteousness into the process. I still seek to earn or deserve. By seeing my weakness, its obvious why my boasting should not rest there. By comparing that weakness with all-powerful loving Soveriengty, there is no comparison.

All boasting to Him. All praise to Him. He knows my future. He knows my present struggles. He knows my desire to understand Him deeper, and He will bring this to pass. He will receive glory in my life. There is no other option. How is it possible for Him, a sovereign holy God, to receive delight in me? As I repent of my pride and arrogant self-boasting, and humbly seek a deeper understanding of His greatness (realizing that the more I see this, the more I am also aware of the depths of my pride), He receives glory and delights in my actions. Not because I accomplished anything, but because I see that I cannot accomplish anything and that everything that is accomplished through me... any wisdom, might or riches I have... is a gift that has been given to me by a loving, just, righteous God. Those are good gifts. The Giver is generous. He receives glory as I learn to boast in Him, for this boasting magnifies His greatness.

God's Glory

How do we glorify God ("aim" at His glory)?

"We aim at Gods’ glory when we prefer his Glory above all other things: Above credit, above wealth, above control, above ease, pleasure and the praise of men."

"We aim at God’s glory when we are content that God’s will should take place, THOUGH IT MAY CROSS OURS."

from Body of Divinity by Thomas Watson

The Imitation of Christ

If you have wealth, do not glory in it, nor in friends because they are powerful, but in God Who gives all things and Who desires above all to give Himself. Do not boast of personal stature or of physical beauty, qualities which are marred and destroyed by a little sickness. Do not take pride in your talent or ability, lest you displease God to Whom belongs all the natural gifts that you have.Do not think yourself better than others lest, perhaps, you be accounted worse before God Who knows what is in man. Do not take pride in your good deeds, for God’s judgments differ from those of men and what pleases them often displeases Him. If there is good in you, see more good in others, so that you may remain humble. It does no harm to esteem yourself less than anyone else, but it is very harmful to think yourself better than even one. The humble live in continuous peace, while in the hearts of the proud are envy and frequent anger.
Thomas à Kempis, The Imitation of Christ