Buried and Raised in Christ - Union

Yesterday was baptism Sunday at church. I hope to have pictures soon to be able to post, but I just want to say it was simply an awesome day.

During worship, God was reminding me of my union with Christ... the joy found in that truth... and how marriage and baptism are both a picture of that union. I didn't expect baptism to remind me of marriage (especially since I'm not married), but here's what was going through my mind...

1. it is a public display - I am commited to this person forever and I want everyone to know.

2. it is a time of rejoicing corporately - the entire church joined in the celebration... they rejoiced, they clapped, they gave hugs galore!!!

3. some people laugh and hoop and holler, some cry. Not a big surprise here, but I was the latter. :)

4. in a wedding, your dad typically gives you away. in baptism, my spriritual leader, friend and pastor had the honor of baptising me. You could see in his eyes that he was rejocing with me, you could sense and feel it as he hugged me, and smiled and cried. so much was wrapped up in that moment. He cares for my soul with such excellence. God has lavishly blessed our church with not just one amazing leader, but three! what a gift. I am grateful beyond words.

5. it reveals the levels and depths of friendships - some stand close by your side in a wedding... some just hug you for all its worth while they are in their church clothes and you're sopping wet. at that moment, the last 5 years re-entered my mind... a friendship that has been formed by only God's grace alone... a friendship sweeter than I ever could have asked for. the main reason I had the honor of even standing there at that moment, dripping and smelling of chlorine, was because of how God worked in and through my sweet friend, Jessica Britt. Her patience, love and care is what led me to Christ. Her example made the gospel appealing to me - a sinner who had until that moment been content to wallow in my sin. So, Jess (since I know you're reading this)... thank you. Thank you for obeying the Spirit when He asked you to reach out to me. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for your ongoing care over the past 5 (but especially the last 2 1/2 years). I'm not the same person that I was 5 years ago as a result. I pray that God lavishly, richly blesses you. I pray you feel His pleasure. I pray that I will be able to be the same friend to another struggling hopeless visitor, that you were to me.


It was a beautiful day. Every testimony given made me cry. God's grace is not merely great enough to reach into our sin-ravaged lives, He does it in a specific, personal, tender, caring, intimate way. Just like no proposal is the same... no salvation is the same.

Jesus truly is sweet. It is an honor to call Him mine. It is a joy to be in union with Him. It is my delight to serve Him. What a joy. What a splendid time of sweetness that has begun.

To be honest, I didn't expect all that...

Rest

have been somewhat absent lately... sorry about that. God seems to be working in my heart to learn to simply rest... so this week (vacation week) has been a week of relaxing, resting, enjoying music and friends and hiking and pools.

I love what I can learn about my God through nature. I learn that He is powerful. I see that He loves diversity. I love viewing His creativity. I'm glad that though I change like the seasons do, my God never changes. There is something special to me about hiking through the mountains viewing His creation and simply standing in awe of His power.

Can I just say...I love my singles group. We got together at the guy's duplex tonight for pizza. Its weird now... 5 years ago our singles group was consisted of 5 girls and 2 guys. Tonight, of the 20+ people that were there, the vast majority were guys. How cool is that?

Matthew Eastin stepped it up once again. The guy is really becoming a great leader. Its cool to watch. He cares specifically and serves quietly. He is truly an example.

I love hearing the guys pray. I love seeing their interaction with each other. I love watching them prepare the food (thanks Ryan for the yummy salad!) and doing it with such excellence. They are the coolest guys ever and are really gifts to our church. I was grateful to meet Carl - a brand new Christian who will be celebrating 3 weeks tomorrow of his union with Christ. Yay!!! I am humbled by Willie's service and passion. I am motivated by Casear's and Willie's passion for the lost.

I left tonight, yet again reminded of God's provision.

So, again, the command is rest. sit quietly. hope for Me. Look to Me. Rejoice in the midst of trials because I am your hope. Live in light of the stedfast hope you have in Me!

Reflection

Webster's dictionary defines "reflect / reflection" as to give back or exhibit as an image, likeness, or outline; to make manifest or apparent.


As Christians, we are called to reflect Christ. We are called to mirror His image (to give a true representation, an exemplary model) and to show others of His charachter.


If you think about that for more than 2 seconds, you'll come to the same conclusion that I did. There is absolutely no way I can show others a true reflection of who Christ is. He was perfect. He was humble. I am sinful and proud. My best works are not merely tainted by sin, they are inherently worthless and filthy.


But God, being rich in mercy, chooses to substitue those works with ones that are pleasing to Him. Through the cross, God looks at me and is able to be pleased with my works - not because I've merited it, but because the death of Jesus Christ was sufficient and strengthens me daily to follow His example. I'll never reach that level of perfection as He had, and it is designed to be so, in order to keep me humbly trusting in His strength and relying on His ability, not my own.

Last night, I went to Joe and Rose's house for dinner. I had the pleasure of cooking dinner for them and their family - they provided the place, the food and let me take free reign of the kitchen, trusting that I would prepare something good for them to eat. I can't even explain how much fun I had just throwing stuff together! I LOVE to cook and miss not doing it as often as I used to.

They kept saying how much of a blessing it was to them, but honestly, I think I left as the one more edified and refreshed. It was a joy to get to know them, to feel immediately welcome as part of the family, to hear how God reached into their worlds and captured their hearts, to see the struggles of how they are learning now to trust Him daily, to hear examples of how God has empowered them to overcome sin. Wow! God is at work in that little family in so many ways, and I got to see a part of it last night! I got to see another "fringe" of His ways (Job 26:14).

What a beautiful reflection they were to me of the gospel. By God's grace, I believe that I was able to be the same to them.

Grace truly is amazing. They opened their home, I came and cooked. But God met me (and I believe us all) in a special way. I left, more aware of His power than when I came. I left having a deeper desire for fellowship. I left, rejocing in our amazing, all-powerful, soveriegn God.

What a sweet mirror image of my Jesus. Seeing that makes me long for the day when I'll see not merely a reflection, but my Savior face to face.

Overflowing

My heart is full to the point of overflowing right now. I love our church. I love my friends. Tonight's care group was so encouraging to me on so many levels. Here are a few...


1. My cake turned out and was a big hit. I know this is just a little thing, but I was simply hoping to make something that would bless my friends. I'd been looking forward to making that cake for about 3 months now (vanilla butter cream cake with a thin vanilla frosting between the layers and on the top and sides and then a godiva 60% bittersweet dark chocolate ganache. Can you say "yum"?) :) Hearing Matt who doesn't like cake, say he enjoyed it; watching Willy eat spoonful after spoonful of the leftover ganache until I'm convinced he'll be sick tomorrow... seeing Jessica sad because there were no seconds left... Such a little thing, but for me, it was a reminder of God's delight in bringing us joy. I enjoyed making that cake, and seeing them enjoy eating it brought joy to my heart and made me thank God for that little blessing.

2. We talked about the gospel. Talk about a topic to encourage a weary heart... Christ died for you. He paid the price you could not pay for your sins. Through the work of regeneration, He has changed your nature. You're dead to sin. Baptism is a public display of humbly submitting to Christ in all areas of your life. I'm looking forward to being baptized on May 18th. I hope its warm that day (since the baptisms will be outside!)

3. God gave me a picture for a friend and it seemed to encourage her. I pray it continues to do so. She seems weary and burdened down with the cares of this life. I want her to know confidently the freedom that is found in her weakness. The joy that is found in her utter inability to do anything. I want her to rejoice that the fruit in her life does not come from her ability to make it; rather, it comes through the life flowing through her. I want that to bring the much needed rest for my sweet dear friend.

4. My back is not hurting! I can't even explain what this means. My back and shoulders have hurt for years, but especially in the past few months. Physical relief is such a blessed gift.

5. I feel at home. At home with the Thomas's; at home with my church family. Simply resting. Its a beautiful thing and I'm just beginning to experience that. Honestly, in so many ways, I can't imagine life getting better than it is right now.

6. I have running buddies now - Wendy for hiking adventures. Jennifer for after work motivation. Yippee! Hurray for not having to run by myself (not that I don't like the solitude with me, my ipod, and the road - I do, but its nice to have someone else with me for safety).

7. I love Matt and Julie. They are a blessing from God. I love Matt's excitement about little things like the salty smell from opening a bag of Original Lays chips. I love his humility and sensitivity for others' concerns and needs. I love his passion for Jesus. And I love his wife. Julie brightens the room simply by being there. I love her excitement and humor. I love her down to earth approach on life. I love her discipline as portrayed through raising her children and losing weight. She is an example I long to be like. I want my husband to be blessed with a godly wife like Julie. I want to learn more from that life.

8. Talking to George tonight was great. I have a greater desire to read and study the Psalms more. I want to memorize more and glorify God through my creativity more. I want to grow in songwriting . I want to grow in the gift of encouragement. He encouraged me tonight. I want to do that same honor to others.

9. Ending the night with "Have your full way" was so appropriate. By God's grace, I was able to sing "thank you for my trial, it was designed by your own hand to perfect a good work in me."

Isn't He good?
Isn't He kind?
Hasn't He blessed us?
Time after Time?

There is no answer but "yes."

My God is good.

He's been very good to me.

Update on head... and heart...

This was an e-mail I just sent to some of my friends... Thought I'd post it here so I can one day go back and read all these thoughts together in one place.
----------------------------------------
Hi friends...
Wanted to send you all an update (so you'll know how to pray, and so I'll learn how to better keep my friends involved in what's going on in my life.)

My head is about the same. The nausea has been constant. The auras have been fewer (about one a day on average). The migraine pain has been constant but I have had a few hours of slight relief (pain level goes down a few points but never truly goes away). These times tend to be only after I have slept for a few hours and they tend to last no more than an hour or so.

But praise God, I had a brief time on Sunday night and Monday night where I was able to function more than I have been able up to this point.. But I've also found that after those times, I find the next day tends to be worse. During the day the pain has been about the same though (ranging from an 8 to a 10). The numbness creates awkwardness when I type. And cold hands. That makes the rest of me cold. But I can bundle up in sweaters (which I have been doing) so that's not that big of a deal.

The chiropractor wants a second MRI - this time of my neck and upper back - to make sure there's nothing there that could be causing the numbness and migraines since the brain MRI came back normal. I should hopefully find out today when I go see him when the MRI is scheduled for. I'm praying its soon. I'm trying not to take the pain medicine simply because I don't want to become dependent on narcotic pain killers. And since they don't fully take the pain away and I'm not technically supposed to work or drive when I'm taking them, I'm avoiding it as much as possible. I'm still taking a few a day to simply manage but not as much as is prescribed.

Please pray because effective next Monday, I will be taking on a new position at work (and I may have to work some this weekend to prepare). This position will be about 30% what I'm currently doing and 70% new things to learn. We have a workshop the first 3 days of next week that I have to be at, so I had no other choice but to postpone the neurologist's appointment to the 27th. Please pray that I will be able to focus during the workshop, since a good portion of it will be in German. Right now, as I think about that, I simply want to cry. But I'm excited about this new job and what it will mean for me here, but its also overwhelming.

I know that God's timing is perfect (I've been hoping for this job for a few months now) and that His grace that has sustained me far beyond my own ability, will continue to sustain as I embark on yet another unknown and scary bend in the road. He's been constant and good.

I am choosing to plant my feet on that Rock of consistency instead of my feelings of overwhelming horror, fear and discouragement. But I am genuinely concerned about being able to comprehend and understand all the new tasks I'll be doing. Since it is brand new position that no one is currently doing, there will be very little training except from the manager (who is busy with a million other things too). So, a lot of the new job will be jumping in with both feet and seeking to learn as much as I can during the workshop.

Another big request is this. I am house sitting for a coworker who is in Germany until the 24th. I've been there since last Thursday. She has a dog and a cat. It appears that I am allergic to the cat. I am taking allergy medicine to help compensate but please pray that I would not have a severe reaction to the sweet darling means of sanctification in my life (have I mentioned that I really hate cats?? Sorry Christa - don't take it personally) =(. So far, its been only sinus pressure, runny nose, itchy eyes and shortness of breath. But that combined with a migraine, is a lot to bear. And I don't know if I can mix the allergy medicine with the pain and nausea medicine. Please pray that the allergies would not bother me (or rather, that they would stop bothering me)

If I could wake up tomorrow pain free, that would be so great! =) That is my prayer but not my hope. My hope is that God is holding me as I'm spinning 100 mph on this roller coaster we call life. My hope is that through this, God will teach me trust in Him (as a loving, faithful, intimate Provider) and not my circumstances.

My prayer is that when the next trial comes - one that truly changes my life, that I could confidently say "you give and take away but my heart will choose to say blessed be your name." My prayer is that I will rejoice in my weakness because it's a time for me to gloriously see God's greatness and power on display. My hope is that though I can't do this and though I know I can't fully trust God wholly, that He is sustaining and keeping me, in spite of my weakness and inability to trust.

So, thanks. Thanks for your friendship. Thanks for your encouragement to this little stone. Thanks for patiently enduring with me. Thanks for loving me. I could go on, but I think you get the point. Lord willing, I'll see you all on Friday.
Em

Painful yet Joyous Fellowship

I was once again today reminded of these following fellowship questions from Rick's blog. (see list of questions below) I had seen them a while back but promptly filed them away into some hidden recess of my mind. And there they stayed until Jess sent them back today. So, as I was reading through the questions again, the first thing that came to mind is "argh, this is painful. allowing others into my life with such depth and specificity hurts." and then I re-read the first question... "what is God doing...". Imagine this - I missed the point again. It's not about me. It's about Him - His work - His name being made great - His power at work in my life. That's the source and motivation for my fellowship with others.

I think what God is getting at right now in my heart is that I'm supposed to be continually "falling off the log." I mentioned to Sarah last week that I feel like the Christian life is one where I'm in one ditch and when I'm out of that ditch I find myself falling in the other ditch. Its like the goal is a skinny waxed log and I find myself spinning on the log but falling more often than spinning. And the spinning is exhausting. But I think that's the point. In and of myself, it is not merely exhausting but impossible. That's why I need others. That's why I need Jesus. That's where the sanctification through the Spirit comes into play.

"Peter, an apostle of Jesus Christ, To those who are elect exiles of the dispersion in Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia, and Bithynia, according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, in the sanctification of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ and for sprinkling with his blood: May grace and peace be multiplied to you. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time." (1 Peter 1:1-5)

So, I'm working on memorizing 1st Peter as our church is working through a study of the book. I just memorized these verses this week. Here's what I've seen this week ...

Peter (just that one word alone is so full of meaning - think back to Mark, think of him saying "even though all the others leave you, I won't deny you" and then remember his explicit denial of his friend. Peter spent the first years with Jesus continually falling off the log. But don't stop there... remember that this loser disciple is now the one speaking God's words to encourage these battered disciples (including me). There is so much already of God's mercy that can be found in the first 6 words. This unworthy wretch is a disciple of Jesus Christ! Talk about being transformed from darkness into light. How can he write "may grace and peace be multiplied to you"? Because of who He serves. Because of the almighty Trinity who condescended to become like us. Because of the amazing foreknowledge of the Father (not merely judge - Father!) who decided before eternity (that blows my mind) that He would save us and magnify His majesty... because of the sanctification of the Spirit. Note that it doesn't say "because of the sanctification that Emily earned/ deserved/ desired/ etc. No! My sanctification is not a result of my works anymore than my salvation is a result of me choosing God.

What hope that truth has given to my soul this week. I have spent a week continuously falling off that log yet even now its not up to me, its not dependent on my ability to "fix it." That is a humbling truth. My hope is found only in the obedience of the Son to His Father as displayed on the cross. My hope is because He actively chose to shed His holy blood - He chose to obey not because of my worth but out of a willing heart of obedience to the Father! I pray that God would grant me a heart of obedience like that - a heart that looks to only one Person as my hope! All blessing (in my life, in the world, etc) is supposed to go to God. Why?? Because of the cross - the great mercy he lavished on us - because I didn't earn it - because of His ultimate generosity. This generosity didn't merely take my infinite sins away, it lavished an infinite inheritance on me as well. I can't even comprehend that. Never will my hope fade away, never will the refined silver and gold of my heart tarnish and fade, it is kept not by my power but by God's power (this same power that radically transformed Peter, the same power that sanctifies my soul and the same power that allowed Jesus to suffer ultimate rejection. That's the power that is holding fast to my inheritance. And unlike my motivations and desires often are, this power and inheritance is undefiled. It is wholly pure. It is an inheritance that allows me to be in the presence of God. Wow! That's so much more than "fire insurance."

And its because of all that, because of His great mercy alone, that I can even approach these people that I now call my dearest friends in this place that I now call the dearest place on earth. That's the background leading me to come to this topic of fellowship. My ultimate goal for fellowship is to make His name great - not merely to serve my friends or refine my heart though those are by-products of the first.

Fellowship Questions
1. What specifically is God doing in your life?
2. What has He taught you this week?
3. How are you applying what you are learning? Detailed and specificity.
4. How have you failed in some area of spiritual and practical responsibility?
5. How have you succeeded in modeling Jesus Christ to others? Your spouse? Children? Others?6. What are your plans regarding our commission to go out and make disciples?
7. How can I help you in this area...apart from the obvious: praying?
8. What are your inner struggles?