Yo-Yo

... a picture of my life lately.

thanks Christa and Jess... yesterday was encouraging. today however...

*sigh*

I am so glad that my Jesus is holding my yo-yo of life. He is sovereignly ordaining each up and each down. He is full of love and compassion and each day I take a breath is a testimony of that.

So, in the midst of a "down" today, I am seeking to be grateful. Grateful because I have received mercy. Grateful because I have a Savior that has compassion on me in my weakness. Grateful because He has promised mercy and help in my times of need.

So, God, help. I need mercy. Again. I don't deserve it. But I guess that's the point...

Bless the Lord

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

The LORD works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed. He made known his ways to Moses, his acts to the people of Israel. The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.

As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more. But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children’s children, to those who keep his covenant and remember to do his commandments. The LORD has established his throne in the heavens, and his kingdom rules over all.

Bless the LORD, O you his angels, you mighty ones who do his word, obeying the voice of his word! Bless the LORD, all his hosts, his ministers, who do his will! Bless the LORD, all his works, in all places of his dominion. Bless the LORD, O my soul! (Psalm 103)

Last night at care group, I stood in a crowded room, yet felt very much all alone. I was struggling to arrest my soul with truth instead of being discouraged by my emotions. I was fighting to praise instead of mourn. I knew that my soul was desperately thirsty for those Words that bring life. So, in the midst of the second song, I stopped singing and opened my Bible and began to read.

I was reading Psalm 103 and was freshly reminded and encouraged by God's love to me. By His intimate care and by His awareness of my weakness. I was encouraged of the reminder that God knows I'm dust. But even the rocks can cry out and praise God. So, dust can too.

As I was reading through the Psalm again, Matt stopped singing and began to read. It was spooky. He began reading exactly Psalm 103. Not just the first verse -- the whole chapter. It was as if God were saying "see, Emily... I really do love you. I do care. I am more powerful than you - you're dust. But I care for you... softly and tenderly."

Big surprise... I started crying. :)

He loves me. He's forgiven me. Wow. Julie again reminded me of those same things later that night. He loves me. He chose me in my sin. He is pleased when He looks at me because He sees Jesus. I have a Mediator, so when Christ looks at me, He is pleased. He does not see me as unworthy of His love. Through the cross, He sees me through Jesus' worth.

I don't get that. But its grace. And its amazing. That's why my soul can bless the Lord. That's why there's joy. That's peace. That's rest. Wow. That's cool...

Spurgeon on God's Love

I once knew a good woman who was the subject of many doubts, and when I got to the bottom of her doubt, it was this: she knew she loved Christ, but she was afraid he did not love her. ‘Oh!’ I said, ‘that is a doubt that will never trouble me; never, by any possibility, because I am sure of this, that the heart is so corrupt, naturally, that love to God never did get there without God putting it there.’ You may rest quite certain, that if you love God, it is a fruit, and not a root. It is the fruit of God’s love to you, and did not get there by any the force of any goodness in you. You may conclude, with absolute certainty, that God loves you if you love God.

Charles Spurgeon

Reflection

Webster's dictionary defines "reflect / reflection" as to give back or exhibit as an image, likeness, or outline; to make manifest or apparent.


As Christians, we are called to reflect Christ. We are called to mirror His image (to give a true representation, an exemplary model) and to show others of His charachter.


If you think about that for more than 2 seconds, you'll come to the same conclusion that I did. There is absolutely no way I can show others a true reflection of who Christ is. He was perfect. He was humble. I am sinful and proud. My best works are not merely tainted by sin, they are inherently worthless and filthy.


But God, being rich in mercy, chooses to substitue those works with ones that are pleasing to Him. Through the cross, God looks at me and is able to be pleased with my works - not because I've merited it, but because the death of Jesus Christ was sufficient and strengthens me daily to follow His example. I'll never reach that level of perfection as He had, and it is designed to be so, in order to keep me humbly trusting in His strength and relying on His ability, not my own.

Last night, I went to Joe and Rose's house for dinner. I had the pleasure of cooking dinner for them and their family - they provided the place, the food and let me take free reign of the kitchen, trusting that I would prepare something good for them to eat. I can't even explain how much fun I had just throwing stuff together! I LOVE to cook and miss not doing it as often as I used to.

They kept saying how much of a blessing it was to them, but honestly, I think I left as the one more edified and refreshed. It was a joy to get to know them, to feel immediately welcome as part of the family, to hear how God reached into their worlds and captured their hearts, to see the struggles of how they are learning now to trust Him daily, to hear examples of how God has empowered them to overcome sin. Wow! God is at work in that little family in so many ways, and I got to see a part of it last night! I got to see another "fringe" of His ways (Job 26:14).

What a beautiful reflection they were to me of the gospel. By God's grace, I believe that I was able to be the same to them.

Grace truly is amazing. They opened their home, I came and cooked. But God met me (and I believe us all) in a special way. I left, more aware of His power than when I came. I left having a deeper desire for fellowship. I left, rejocing in our amazing, all-powerful, soveriegn God.

What a sweet mirror image of my Jesus. Seeing that makes me long for the day when I'll see not merely a reflection, but my Savior face to face.

God's Love Through The Storms

I did not know His love before, the way I know it now;
I could not see my need for Him, my pride would not allow.
I had it all, without a care, the "self-sufficient" lie;
My path was smooth, my sea was still, not a cloud was in my sky.

I thought I knew His love for me, I thought I'd seen His grace;
I thought I did not need to grow, I thought I'd found my place.
But then the way grew rough and dark, the storm clouds quickly rolled;
The waves began to rock my ship, my anchor would not hold.

The ship that I had built myself was made of foolish pride;
It fell apart and left me bare, with nowhere else to hide.
I had no strength or faith to face the trials that lay ahead;
And so I simply prayed to Him and bowed my weary head.

His loving arms enveloped me, and then He helped me stand;
He said, "You still must face this storm, but I will hold your hand."
So through the dark and lonely night He guided me through pain;
I could not see the light of day or when the storm might wane.

Yet through the aches and endless tears, my faith began to grow;
I could not see it at the time, but my light began to glow.
I saw God's love in brand new light, His grace and mercy, too;
For only when all self was gone, could Jesus' love shine through.

It was not easy in the storm, I sometimes wondered, "Why?"
At times I thought, "I can't go on." I'd hurt, and doubt, and cry.
But Jesus never left my side, He guided me each day;
Through pain and strife, through fire and flood, He helped me all the way.

And now I see as never before how great His love can be;
How in my weakness He is strong, how Jesus cares for me!
He worked it all out for my good, although the way was rough;
He only sent what I could bear, and then He cried, "Enough!"

He raised His hand and said, "Be still!" He made the storm clouds cease;
He opened up the gates of joy and flooded me with peace.
I saw His face now clearer still, I felt His presence strong;
I found anew His faithfulness, He never steered me wrong.

Now I know more storms will come, but only for my good;
For pain and tears have helped me grow as naught else ever could.
I still have so much more to learn as Jesus works in me;
If in the storm I'll love Him more, that's where I want to be!

Author Unknown

Captive

Deep in my sin, I couldn’t feel
the death grip on my soul.
I thought that this life was the best
for which I’d ever hope.

True satisfaction,
eternal bliss,
deep communion
was just a wish.
I was at home
with misery.
Tried to dull the pain
of what I saw in me.

I didn’t realize I was blind,
I thought that this was "life;"
until one day I heard the words:
“Come, there’s rest from all this strife.”

"An answer
for the void you feel -
a hope
for your captive soul.
A rest eternal -
- it's for real.
a promise
in His Word."

It sounded to my tired ears
just too good to be true.
But as He drew near, I heard the damning words:
“there’s nothing you can do.”

“You’ve sinned.
You’re guilty.
You can’t come
before My Holy face.
I’m Rightous and I can’t allow
such filth
here in this place.”

With sorrow and dread I stood before
my Maker, in my chains.
Fearing His hand of judgment
that would crush my feeble frame.

Fear compelled
Me there
To fall -
enslaved by
my desires.
I had no
power
to change my
heart or quench
the wrathful
fires.

At that moment nothing seemed
More powerful than sin.
My empty soul - in awful fear
As I stood before my King.

A captive,
held by sin
alone; a slave to
death and fear.
The Holy Judge
Was fully aware
That sin
Was my career.

Those were my chains.
Captivity.
Deep emptiness.
Hollow misery.


“What if I’m good!? I’ll change my ways!?”
frantically I tried.
But He said “no, its not enough.”
I sat in despair and cried.

“Is there a hope
or any rest?
An answer for
my empty soul?”
With tender love
He picked me up
and said
“My blood can make you whole.”

“Not by your works, Not what you do
There’s nothing to attain.
For on that cross, I bore your curse
So you’d know all My gain.”

“No! Let me go.
Don’t do this, God!
You don’t deserve
That death!
Judge me instead
I’m the guilty one
Trade places -
Go! now rest.”

With tear-filled eyes, He then looked down
at His eternally wounded hands.
“Look here, my child. The price is paid
already. This is my plan.”

“I died for you
to give you life;
My grace has set you free.
The penalty’s paid -
find freedom now
from your captivity.”

So, with great joy, we walked that day
away from all my chains.
Now hand in hand, His love is what
keeps me captive every day.

That’s what
compels me now
you see
to say no to
desires.
His love
constrains my
wayward heart
from my
internal fires.

His grace is more sufficient and
more powerful than sin.
This peace is so much greater than
I’d ever hoped it’d been.

I’m captive.
Held by grace
alone; a slave to
righteousness.
My Owner’s love
gives strength and faith
to daily die
to sin.

I'm chained to Him.

Captivity.

Deep communion.

Sweet, perfect peace.

written by Emily 12 PM on 4/24/08
after reading 2 Corinthians 5 and Romans 6

the Cup

At the end of care group tonight we had communion together. Earlier tonight Jess quoted a portion of the crucifixion narrative (http://emily-sc.blogspot.com/2008/03/father-forgive-them.html). There were 2 cups we discussed.

The first was the cup of God's wrath.
"The Father says: 'I hate these things inside of you. I’m filled with disgust for you and indignation for your sin consumes me. Now, drink my cup!' And Jesus does. He drinks for hours. He downs every drop of the scalding liquid of God’s own hatred of sin mingled with his white-hot wrath against that sin. This is the Father’s cup: omnipotent hatred and anger for the sins of every generation past, present, and future. Omnipotent wrath directed at one naked man hanging on a cross."

But Jesus transferred that cup with a very different one.
"And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he gave it to them, saying, "Drink of it, all of you, for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins." Matthew 26:27-28

He took my cup. The cup of wrath. The cup of God's righteous indignation. Jesus took that and drank and drank and drank until it was completely gone. The night before, Jesus held out a cup to those who only hours later would leave him completely alone and forsaken. He took this cup, gave thanks for it and in love, said to them "drink." They didn't know until later what this really meant. They couldn't have truly understood the substitutionary action He was symbolizing in that moment. But later they understood. Tonight, I understood. I can drink that cup symbolizing His covenant with His people only because He drank my cup. My cup that was full of God's indignation and wrath. My cup that was justly deserved. That cup was fully exhausted by Jesus that day on the cross.

And he looks at me and says with thanks to the Father "drink, sweet child, of this cup. Rejoice in this covenant of love. Rejoice in this costly sacrifice. I did this in obedience to my Father and to bring a hope and a future to you. Come to me... you can't buy this... now drink. Drink and be satisfied. Come and see your thirst quenched. Come buy this costly drink though you have no money. Come feast though you have no robes. Attend this banquet and be satisfied. Come and drink of my Living Water! I drank your cup of boiling hot wrath so that you can drink my cup of sweet satisfaction."

What a transaction! What a different cup He offers to me than the cup he took from me. He willingly thankfully offered His cup to me, knowing that in order to do this, He would have to drink my cup. He chose this costly interaction. And He chose it with thankfulness in His heart - for His Father was being glorified through this transaction.

Communion tonight was sweet. Though it was mere bread and juice, I took part in a special and awe-inspiring interaction as well. My cup of wrath was drunk by Jesus that day and today I drank of His cup of sweet covenantal intimacy. Substitutionary atonement - He took my place. Those two words are becoming sweeter and deeper to me. My soul is truly feasting despite my desert of pain and trials. This feast makes my cross worth bearing. Seeing Him drinking my cup gives me no option other than whole-hearted, unadulterated love to my sweet Jesus - my sweet, amazing substitute and the tender lover of my weary, parched, sin-filled soul.

"Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters;and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price." Isaiah 55:1

The Father says to me "Come and drink my cup! I drank yours with thanksgiving. Now drink mine and find satisfaction."

Lost?

Our Failures and God's Love

Deep down in our souls we must get hold of the wonderful truth that our spiritual failures do not affect God’s love for us one iota - that his love for us does not fluctuate according to our experience. We must be gripped by the truth that we are accepted by God and loved by God for the sole reason that we are united to His beloved Son.
Jerry Bridges, The Practice of Godliness

Burdens and Care

Ephesians 3:20-21 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

- the below post is from Spurgeon's Morning and Evening (Jan 6th AM)

“Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” I Peter 5:7
It is a happy way of soothing sorrow when we can feel—“HE careth for me.” Christian! do not dishonour religion by always wearing a brow of care; come, cast your burden upon your Lord. You are staggering beneath a weight which your Father would not feel. What seems to you a crushing burden, would be to him but as the small dust of the balance. Nothing is so sweet as to“Lie passive in God’s hands, And know no will but his.”

O child of suffering, be thou patient; God has not passed thee over in his providence. He who is the feeder of sparrows, will also furnish you with what you need. Sit not down in despair; hope on, hope ever. Take up the arms of faith against a sea of trouble, and your opposition shall yet end your distresses. There is One who careth for you. His eye is fixed on you, his heart beats with pity for your woe, and his hand omnipotent shall yet bring you the needed help. The darkest cloud shall scatter itself in showers of mercy. The blackest gloom shall give place to the morning. He, if thou art one of his family, will bind up thy wounds, and heal thy broken heart.

Doubt not his grace because of thy tribulation, but believe that he loveth thee as much in seasons of trouble as in times of happiness. What a serene and quiet life might you lead if you would leave providing to the God of providence! With a little oil in the cruse, and a handful of meal in the barrel, Elijah outlived the famine, and you will do the same. If God cares for you, why need you care too? Can you trust him for your soul, and not for your body? He has never refused to bear your burdens, he has never fainted under their weight. Come, then, soul! have done with fretful care, and leave all thy concerns in the hand of a gracious God.

I Look Back to the Cross

by Our Hearts Hero

Its Times Like These When I Fall So Hard
that I Wonder Now how I Ever Got This Far
so Many Failures Fill My Mind
and Then History Keeps Reminding Me Of These Scars

whenever The Past Is Showing Me
where I Started From
i'll Always Look Back
and See What He's Done

i Look Back To The Cross
back To The One
to The Love That Held Him There For Us
and Back To The Place
when I Was Set Free
where His Arms Are Wide Enough For Me
everything I Want For All I'll Ever Need
i Look Back To The Cross

so When Those Days That Are Sure To Come
leave Me Down And Out
i Just Think About This Great Love
whenever The Past Is Showing Me
where I Started From
i'll Always Look Back
and See What He's Done

and I Look Back To The Cross
back To The One
to The Love That Held Him There For Us
and Back To The Place
when I Was Set Free
where His Arms Are Wide Enough For Me

everything I Want For All I'll Ever Need
i Look Back To The Cross
that Carried All Of My Pain
and The Love That Covered All Of My Shame
and I Can See

I Look Back To The Cross (Back To The One)
back To The Love That Held Him There For Us
back To The Place Where I Was Set Free
where His Arms Are Wide Enough For Me (Wide Enough For Me)
everything I Want For All I'll Ever Need
i Look Back To The Cross (I Look Back To The Cross)
i Look Back To The Cross

Holy Sonnet XV

Wilt thou love God as he thee ? then digest,
My soul, this wholesome meditation,
How God the Spirit, by angels waited on
In heaven, doth make His temple in thy breast.
The Father having begot a Son most blest,
And still begetting—for he ne'er begun—
Hath deign'd to choose thee by adoption,
Co-heir to His glory, and Sabbath' endless rest.
And as a robb'd man, which by search doth find
His stolen stuff sold, must lose or buy it again,
The Sun of glory came down, and was slain,
Us whom He had made, and Satan stole, to unbind.
'Twas much, that man was made like God before,
But, that God should be made like man, much more.

Source:Donne, John. Poems of John Donne. vol I.E. K. Chambers, ed.London: Lawrence & Bullen, 1896. 165-166.

Ask, Seek and Knock

"The Father that you approach is eternally loving and abundantly generous. Brothers and sisters, don't ever think that God is reluctant to answer your prayers no matter how long you wait. He is generous and He is lavish with the gifts and the grace that He gives us. There is no hint, in the heart of God, of reluctance to give you good gifts. He is gracious and He is generous to us. He is loving. He is generous. And oh, He is powerful. Folks, God does not just have good intentions when He says "ask and seek and knock." No! He will actually give you what you are asking and seeking and knocking. Remember the God that you are speaking to, He is the omnipotent and the most powerful God of the universe. He created with a word the very universe you exist in. He is abundantly and eternally powerful to help you in any situation that you are asking for and seeking and knocking. Don't think for a second that God's arm is too short to answer your prayer. Listen to the voice of God saying "Child, is my arm to short to save that relative you love so much? Is my arm to short to restore the broken relationship you have with your spouse? Is my arm to short to give you freedom to the sin you feel so bound to? Is my arm to short to give you the child you have been praying for for years?" Is my arm to short to come and meet you in that test and that trial, that sickness that you have been enduring for years? The answer is NO! For He is eternally loving. He is abundantly generous. And He is ultimately powerful. And this passage says to us that He is GOOD!" … "We come to a loving God when we pray. We come to a generous God when we pray. We come to a powerful God in the morning when we pray. We come to a good and gracious Father who loves to give good gifts to His children. Does that not inspire you to daily and consistently pray? - that you get to be with Him! You get to actually speak with Him. And here's the miracle - He listens! HE LISTENS! And he doesn't just listen, He's leaning forward, ready to bless. Ready to comfort."

Luke 11: 9-13
And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

If you're interested, the sermon link is on the Na blog at http://www.newattitude.org/blog/entry.php?category=Theology&id=370

Consolation

The sovereignty of God in all things is an unfailing ground for consolation; he rules and reigns whatever happens, and therefore all is well.

Firm as his throne his promise stands,
And he can well secure,
What I have committed to his hands,
Till the decisive hour.

yet the prayers of the captives and the forlorn offscourings of the land would be heard of the Lord, who does not hear men because of the amount of money they possess, or the breadth of the acres which they call their own, but in mercy listens most readily to the cry of the greatest need. And not despise their prayer.

He will not treat their pleas with contempt; he will incline his ear to hear, his heart to consider, and his hand to help.

Hope in Waiting

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

"The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him."

The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.

It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.

Lamentations 3:21-26

A Reason for Contentment

And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love, dwelleth in God, and God in him.
I JOHN 4:16

As flame streams upward, so my longing thoughtFlies up with Thee,Thou God and Saviour, who hast truly wroughtLife out of death, and to us, loving, broughtA fresh, new world; and in Thy sweet chains caught,And made us free!
MAURICE FRANCIS EGAN

WHAT a blessed and glorious thing human existence would be, if we fully realized that the infinitely wise and infinitely powerful God loves each one of us, with an intensity infinitely beyond what the most fervid human spirit ever felt towards another, and with a concentration as if He had none else to think of! And this love has brought us into being, just that we might be taught to enter into full sympathy with Him, receiving His,--giving our own--thus entering into the joy of our Lord. This is the hope--the sure and certain hope--set before us,--sure and certain,--for "the mountains shall depart, and the hills be re-moved; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee."
THOMAS ERSKINE

Sit Still While You Wait

She replied, "Wait, my daughter, until you learn how the matter turns out...
Ruth 3:18a

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Phil 4:4-7

Not Forgotten

Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God?
LUKE 12:6

Fear ye not, therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.
MATTHEW 10:31

The trees of the Lord are full of sap; the cedars of Lebanon which He hath planted; where the birds make their nests; as for the stork, the fir trees are her house.
PSALMS 104:16,17

IT was a beautiful sight to see the herons come home, rising into the golden sunlight above the hills I could not tell from whence, and sailing on the glorious arches of their wings, on and on--always alone, and each as he came down with outstretched neck and pendent legs ready to settle, taking one last sweep down, then up, on to the summit of the tall Scotch fir, to take a survey of the realm, and, as another approached, plunging into the thick heads of lower trees with a loud good-night to his neighbors, and to all the fair land and water round about him, and a Deo Gratias for all his day's happiness, pleasant unto the ear of his dear God, if not consciously addressed to Him. MY HEAVENLY FATHER CARETH FOR THEM, I AM OF MORE VALUE THAN MANY HERONS.
EDWARD WHITE BENSON