Dream

So, on Saturday night I had a dream like I've never had before. I awoke overwhelmed, encouraged and freshly aware of God's kind sovereignty. Here's how it went.

God has given me an unusual burden for my friends in Myanmar. I don't know why, other than to share in their burdens and approach the Throne of Grace asking for help in their time of need. They've been on my mind almost constantly since Cyclone Nargis hit 10 days ago.

So, in this dream, I was allowed to travel to Burma to provide needed relief aid to the disaster vicitims. Imagine Hurricaine Katrina hitting an area with wooden houses and sheds. Its no surprise the devastation is great. While there, I was meeting Burmese families who had lost children, wives who lost husbands, men who had no way to provide for the family members that remained.

I met with a Christian lady (still dreaming, remember) who had lost the pastor of her church, her husband and 2 of her three small children. She had no home to return to, no job to work in order to provide the basic necessities for her small boy and no available medical care. From a worldly perspective, this dear child of God had no hope.

As I handed her a cup of water, she looked at me with tears in her eyes and told me how grateful she was. I asked her why. "How can you be grateful? You've just lost everything."

With tears streaming down her dirty, weathered face, she looked at me and said (through a translator) that her husband, 2 children and her pastor were now in the presence of Jesus. How her tear-filled eyes rejoiced! She missed them. Her heart ached for the small comforts she had only 11 days ago (though I would have, in my western-worldview not seen even that as "comfort"). But she smiled. She had hope amidst a hopeless situation.

She rejoiced in her trial because her almighty Sovereign God had planned that cyclone to obliterate her town. He knew it was coming long before she did. He knew, before she was ever born that on May the 2nd, 2008, her world would change forever. But this God, who is all-powerful loved her. He, who controls the winds and waves, cared for her soul enough to open her eyes to the love of Jesus. She, my nameless friend from a dream, rejoiced because, though she was born Buddhist, was told of Jesus several years ago. And He became beautiful to her. He brought hope to her war-ravaged world.

I wanted to hug her, but the culture there is not as personal and open to feeling as mine is and I did not want to offend her. So instead, I told her that I had been praying for them. I then asked how I could pray specifically for her.

She wanted me to know that she was blessed - that she had already been given everything. She wanted me to pray for her friends that didn't have this same hope. She wanted me to pray that her faith in her sovereign, loving Jesus would grow through this "light and temporary affliction." She wanted me to share that blessing with others that I knew too.

Then I woke up.

When I got to church a few hours later (I had the dream Saturday night), we prayed during worship for the folks in Burma. God reminded me at that point, that we were corporately offering up a sweet smelling offering to our God that controls the waves. Through Jesus, our feeble prayers and humble songs were a beautiful sight and smell before the Throne of Grace.

The worship set was in many senses a disaster - the sound equipment didn't work at all; half the band couldn't play as a result. It was from a musical standpoint very amateur. But what a reminder - Jesus took those feeble attempts and perfected that worship. When it arrived before the Throne, the Almighty Commander of the Waves received the sweet gift of a beautiful symphony of praise. As we were more aware of our weakness, He became yet again greater to me.

Worship yesterday was powerful. It was as if the roof was lifted and I could see Jesus handing God the Father a beautiful package of us simultaneously acknowledging our neediness and His all-encompassing greatness.

I often forget that transaction that takes place at my church at 10 AM each Sunday morning.

One day, we'll all be standing together before that throne, singing in every language, rejoicing with praise alongside that pastor and husband and those 2 children that died 10 days ago in the cyclone.

I'll stand next to my friend from Burma whom I've never met, with hands held high, in complete thankfulness to the One who created each trial in our lives. I'll rejoice, as I see face to face, the One who not only planned, but also accompanied me through each trial.

Captive

Deep in my sin, I couldn’t feel
the death grip on my soul.
I thought that this life was the best
for which I’d ever hope.

True satisfaction,
eternal bliss,
deep communion
was just a wish.
I was at home
with misery.
Tried to dull the pain
of what I saw in me.

I didn’t realize I was blind,
I thought that this was "life;"
until one day I heard the words:
“Come, there’s rest from all this strife.”

"An answer
for the void you feel -
a hope
for your captive soul.
A rest eternal -
- it's for real.
a promise
in His Word."

It sounded to my tired ears
just too good to be true.
But as He drew near, I heard the damning words:
“there’s nothing you can do.”

“You’ve sinned.
You’re guilty.
You can’t come
before My Holy face.
I’m Rightous and I can’t allow
such filth
here in this place.”

With sorrow and dread I stood before
my Maker, in my chains.
Fearing His hand of judgment
that would crush my feeble frame.

Fear compelled
Me there
To fall -
enslaved by
my desires.
I had no
power
to change my
heart or quench
the wrathful
fires.

At that moment nothing seemed
More powerful than sin.
My empty soul - in awful fear
As I stood before my King.

A captive,
held by sin
alone; a slave to
death and fear.
The Holy Judge
Was fully aware
That sin
Was my career.

Those were my chains.
Captivity.
Deep emptiness.
Hollow misery.


“What if I’m good!? I’ll change my ways!?”
frantically I tried.
But He said “no, its not enough.”
I sat in despair and cried.

“Is there a hope
or any rest?
An answer for
my empty soul?”
With tender love
He picked me up
and said
“My blood can make you whole.”

“Not by your works, Not what you do
There’s nothing to attain.
For on that cross, I bore your curse
So you’d know all My gain.”

“No! Let me go.
Don’t do this, God!
You don’t deserve
That death!
Judge me instead
I’m the guilty one
Trade places -
Go! now rest.”

With tear-filled eyes, He then looked down
at His eternally wounded hands.
“Look here, my child. The price is paid
already. This is my plan.”

“I died for you
to give you life;
My grace has set you free.
The penalty’s paid -
find freedom now
from your captivity.”

So, with great joy, we walked that day
away from all my chains.
Now hand in hand, His love is what
keeps me captive every day.

That’s what
compels me now
you see
to say no to
desires.
His love
constrains my
wayward heart
from my
internal fires.

His grace is more sufficient and
more powerful than sin.
This peace is so much greater than
I’d ever hoped it’d been.

I’m captive.
Held by grace
alone; a slave to
righteousness.
My Owner’s love
gives strength and faith
to daily die
to sin.

I'm chained to Him.

Captivity.

Deep communion.

Sweet, perfect peace.

written by Emily 12 PM on 4/24/08
after reading 2 Corinthians 5 and Romans 6

Substitutionary Atonement (he took my place)

I read the crucifixion narrative last night and was moved to tears not long after I began reading.

My first response upon reading it was disgust. Disgust at the graphic nature of what I was reading. I don't like graphic things. I don't like scary or gross things. I wanted to stop reading. I wanted to walk away. That feeling then turned into disgust that this narrative was actually reality - this was a real man who suffered real pain and died a real death - it's not just a story that resulted in a cool necklace design. And then disgust that God would go to such lengths and suffer such humiliation and pain for me and for my sin. And disgust that this cross and this reality does not affect my soul like it should.

My second response (which was simultaneous to the first), to my shame, was honestly one of cold-hearted apathy. The disgust made me want to turn away. The story was familiar. Jesus was beaten. He suffered lots of pain as they beat him. He died a cruel death to take my sins upon himself. But He rose again. That's the real story. He lives. There's hope.

Strike one. I kept reading...

I looked on this narrative with disgust (despised and rejected of men) as I was reading. but there I found love. His response to my disgust was the same as his response to the centurion. He looked on me with eyes of love. With a love that existed before the world did. The tears began to flow at this point.

In His lonliness, He trusted. In his trial, He looked to His daddy. Holiness in human form became treated like trash. Yet, he faithfully followed the will of His Father.

... but the story doesn't stop there. I have sadly become familiar with this love. I expect it. He's God. That's what He does. He loves. Its in John 3:16 - He loved the world...

Strike two...

What I wasn't expecting was the interaction that took place while Jesus was actually on the cross itself. As a result of both my disgust and the fact that I know the end of the story, I don't take the necessary time to sit at the foot of the cross and marvel in the substitutionary atonement of Christ. I pass it off as mere details and miss the beauty found in that disgustingly graphic scene.

I've always pictured Christ as taking my sin - as if He were taking a bag full of evil deeds and holding them on His back while He was on the cross. He was still perfect, just holding my sin for me. However, that's not what the crucifixion narrative last night showed me. And I don't believe that's what truly happened there that day.

As God the Father, the holy righteous Judge of the universe, looked at His beloved, sinless, holy, perfect Son, hanging there on that cross, He saw sin. He saw a vile, wretched betrayer of the holy, sovereing Creator. He saw the sin of unbelief, the sin of discontentment, the sin of arrogant pride. He saw a man who worshipped idols and turned from trusting in the one and living God. God saw cowardice, He saw hatred, He saw ungratefulness, He saw disgusting, vile undending wretchedness. And He was disgusted. He was disgusted by the unbelief that Jesus was. He saw Jesus as a filthy, wreched whore. He saw Him as a drunk. He saw Him as someone seeking satisfaction in riches. He saw Jesus, the only man who ever lived a perfect life, wholly for the glory of God, with no ill-intent, no lack of trust, no self-sufficiency - God saw that man as me. I am the one who is a filthy idolator. I am the one who is sinfully discontent and complains about my sorry state. I am the one who looks to my own ability and turns from infinite Power. I am the one. When God looked at His son on the cross, He didn't just see a perfect Jesus holding a bag of my sin. He saw a filthy disgusting Jesus that was guilty of that death he was suffering at that moment. He saw deserved pain and suffering. He saw a just punishment from someone who was deserving of that wrath. He saw me.

But because He's a holy God, he couldn't look at that. He turned away. He removed His presence from the One who had always been in union with Him. God the Father deserted His Son who had never not been wholly with Him for eternity. And in judgment, He left him there to die. God walked away in disgust. Not disgust because of the graphic nature of a beaten man hanging naked and bleeding on a tree. Rather disgust because of who Jesus was at that moment. Jesus was sin. He was justly cursed by God because He was sin. He, at that moment, was not viewed in the eyes of the Father as "my beloved Son in whom I am well pleased." No, He was viewed by His Father as a traitor, as a usurper, as a blasphemer, a complainer and as an anti-christ.

Jesus bore that for me. In his perfection, He became sin for me. He who knew no sin for all eternity, took my place in His body on that tree. He was, at that moment, everything that I am. It should have been me. I should have been beaten beyond recongition. I should have had the nails in my hands and the thorns in my head. I should have been cursed by God. I should have been forsaken.


But in love, He took my place. In His mercy, He bore what I didn't ask him to bear. In His grace, He took it all. He drank and drank and drank and drank that cup of God's wrath until it was dry. He drank it for my pride and arrogance and self-sufficient idolatry and for my murderous thoughts and for my unrepentant ungrateful heart. He drank for me. That cup, that for all eternity would have to be drunk by me and could still never be satisfied, was completely satisfied that day. It is empty. Not only is the tomb empty, but the cup is empty too!! God's wrath is completely satisfied. His anger and judgment for who I was, was completley taken in love, by that man that I looked upon with disgust. That man that I wanted to turn away from, didn't turn away from taking my place though He could have. That man that God looked upon as deserving of that punishment, bore it all so that God will never look upon me that way. The One who had never been separated from His Fater, was separated so that I never will be.

The words "amazing grace" are insufficient. There are no words. There are not enough tears to express the emotion found that day. There is not enough to give to someone who did all that for me. Truly this man was the Son of God. Truly, this was a magnificent substitution. He bore my sins! He took my place. He died my death. He hurt so I wouldn't have to. He suffered so I could go free. He cried in lonly agony so that I could rejoice. He was forsaken by the Judge, so I could be accepted by the Father.

It is finished. There is no payment required from me. The debt has not been cancelled, it has been paid. The sins have not been removed, they have been cursed. God will never look upon me in condemnation, for He condemned every transgression of mine that day. There was not one sin of mine that God did not see in Jesus that day. They are all gone. They are all paid. They are finished.

Lost?

In the waves...

So, this week, my mind has been, once again in the ditches. The ditch of the week has mostly been discouragement about my sin. Oh, and forgetting to view the cross as the answer to all my problems. That seems to be a consistent one for me. I see my failures and miss the cross. I see my weakness and miss His strength. I see my lack of passion and miss His unfailing faithfulness.

The sermon this past Sunday was on 1st Peter 1:1-9. As Matt was saying on Sunday in his illustration, when He takes Sarah (who's 3) into the ocean, she is scared to death. She is afraid because those big salty waves are so much more powerful than her and she knows it. She desperately tries to hold onto her daddy but her little fingers just don't quite do the job effectively. But wonder of wonders - this 3 year old doesn't drown. She doesn't sink in the waves never to be seen again. Why?? Because her daddy (who she's trying to no avail to hold on to) is holding on to her. He cares for her. He's put her in the waves to strengthen her trust in him. He's holding her in the waves to increase her confidence in him as provider. He is with her in the waves and would die before he'd let her drown. He wants her hope to be in him and his ability to protect her from the danger that's all around.

Like Sarah, my Christian walk is a lot like life in the waves. The first thing is that my heart and soul don't like to be wet. I'd rather be on the beach watching the people who can ride on the waves with beauty instead of watching the little kids splashing around. If I knew I could ride the waves like a professional surfer, I'd be happy to be in the waves (note the pervasive self-sufficient arrogance here to think that I can do it on my own). But in my mind, if I can conquer the waves, I'll be okay. But the point isn't riding the waves - its trusting IN them. It's not conquering my fears, its trusting my Father. When my grasp is slipping (or has already slipped), He is firmly and tenderly holding on to me. When my fears are as high as the surrounding waves, His provision is more than sufficient. When my sins are enveloping me with doubts and fears, His grace prevails. Where sin abounded, grace did much more abound.

Because of the cross, death (and waves) no longer have dominion over me. They may cause my heart to fear, but they will never kill me. The waves won't destroy Sarah, but they will teach her to cling to and trust in her daddy even more. Just like that, the sin in my life that is ever-so-pervasive will not destroy me because my Redeemer has paid that price. He has released me from those bonds. I may still be in the waves, but I'm not sinking because there are chains tied to me. I'm held secure in His arms. The free gift of God is eternal life (read: HOPE!).

My hope in the waves is not that some day I may be able to surf like a pro - my hope in the waves is that I'm held fast in His unfailing arms. I'm secure not because I feel like it, but because He is true and trustworthy. I'm safe not because my circumstances tell me so, I'm safe because my Father's character doesn't lie. He has promised never to let me go. That grasp wont change and that grasp is not at all dependent on my ability to hold Him. HE IS HOLDING ME!!! He is loving me and tenderly providing each need I have. He cares for me. That's why I have hope. He loves me. He knows me fully and chooses to love sinful little me. When I look all around me and all I can see are my mountans of failures and sin - I look up to the One crucified in my place, Jesus Christ the Redeemer of men!

Oh Father, I pray that you would turn my gaze. My mind is so prone to wander and leave my hope in you. I deny that hope daily as I choose to hope in fleeting circumstances. I hope in jobs, I hope in good health, I hope in financial freedom, I hope in consistency. And here you are, lovingly showing me that my job is to love you with all my heart, soul and mind, my health is to use my entire capacity to bring glory to you (even when that capacity is not where I'd like it to be), my financial freedom is found in trusting you daily to meet my needs and give me the strength and trust in you not in stuff, and my consistency in life is only found in You as my source of hope, fulfillment and joy. Sweet Jesus, your cross was sufficient for ALL my sins, all my weakness, all my failures. The best I bring to you is simply rags. But you clothe me with Your righteousness, You seat me at Your table, You lavish me with the inheritance that You purchased. That inheritance is not due to proper 401K investments I made, it is wholly because of YOU and the price you paid for me. Holy Spirit, I pray that you would grant me more grace. Fill this leaky cup I hold up to you and fill those leaks with a deeper understanding of You. Fix my gaze on you because its always moving away. If the waves are what it takes to keep that gaze on you, Jesus bring the rain. Bring the waves. I want more of you. I want a deeper trust. I want a bigger God. I long to view your activity in my life like Matt does - I want to see you working on every corner and in every part of my life. Yet I am weak. The waves are too strong. Thank you that You hold me fast. Loving Trinity, your power is infinately greater than my weakness and that is where my confidence lies. You WILL complete what you've begun. You will finish what is started and I can confidently hope in that! You foreknew, you obeyed and you sanctify. And you multiply that grace and peace to me. Though I'm "dispersed" here, you haven't deserted me - you are actively and lovingly working. So, dear Father, I come to you... empty... with hopeful anticipation of knowing you more. Clinging to the hope that its only by your grace that I even desire to draw near to you. And clinging to the promise that as I draw near, you promise to reveal more of yourself to me. Peel off the dragon-layers of myself and continue this process of sanctification that you began. My flesh is grass - it dies. But you never do. Give me the grace to put all my trust in You!

You'll Never Guess Who I Just Saw...

So, last night I saw Jesus. Well, I guess the proper way to say that would be that I saw a reflection of Jesus. But you know how sometimes you look in the water and the reflection is not clear and then other times you look and its just like looking into a sea of glass - the water is so smooth that you not only see a distorted figure, but instead details clearer than you ever thought possible through a mirror? That's what last night was. The picture I saw of Jesus was beautiful. It was absolutely stunning!

SuperBowl XVII - Giants vs Patriots. Feb 3rd 2008, though for me won't be remembered only by the great upset, fumbles, amazing passes and according to Rick, the best Super Bowl game ever played by mankind. It won't be remembered by the fantastic memories such as Hannah performing CPR on herself, Josh R almost throwing up on Jess, and me scaring everyone with "the Vampire." Instead, it will be remembered much longer for the glimpse of my sweet Savior. Matt Rawlings encouraged the guys to lead by planning and organizing the entire event. So, the guys, led by JB, stepped up to the plate and hit a grand slam. We gals asked probably a million times over the last few weeks "can we do anything to help? can we bring anything? please let us do something..." And each time they just smiled and said "we've got it all under control" yet each time I could see a slight fear in their eyes and a hesitation to even acknowledge that it was all under control. When, at lunch the guys said things along the lines of "we don't know how to make cheese dip - I hope it turns out" it didn't cause me to arrive with high expectations.

To be honest with you, I went into tonight expecting to have fun, have a half-decent dinner but more than that to simply enjoy the fellowship with my brothers and friends. I knew I would have a good time, and I knew we would have something edible for dinner, but that was about it. The guys sent us upstairs as soon as we got there so they could finish the preparations. When they called us downstairs I was in awe. Never in a million years did I expect what was waiting for us in the dining room. What a beautiful spread!!! What preparation and detail they put into this event simply to bless and encourage us. What a clear picture of the unfailing love of my Savior - the minute details were planned. The entire thing was breathtaking. Nothing was random. Everything was planned and detailed. All the way down to the napkins spiraled around simply to make it pretty. Seriously, what guy would think to "spiral" a stack of napkins?? God was at work here and my respect and love for these guys was exponentially increased.

Biblical manhood was on display in a glorious way. You expect to see "men" at a SuperBowl party but we saw giants (and I'm not talking the team). Our drinks were not empty once (well, maybe once or twice when they were spilled). The whole time, the guys were caring and serving - it was an ongoing thing. They were not there for the game. They came to serve so that we could enjoy.

It was as if God was speaking to me and saying "Emily - look at what these guys did for all of you - they did this to serve all of you and they did it with joy and out of love for you. This is what I do too. I gave for you - I planned each event down to the most minute detail simply to show you my love. Nothing that happened here was random and nothing that happens in your life is random. Nothing here happened without sacrifice. Look at how much I love you! Look at the care I give! Not only did I meet your needs, I did it in a way that was good for you (hurray for fresh pineapple and grapes), in a way that was beautiful and specific and in a way that you enjoyed! Most of the work they did was behind the scenes and most of what I do in your life is the same - often you are unaware of the care I give - often you are unaware that I'm the One who's holding you up in the waves. But even when you're unaware - I'm there. And in my kindness for you, my Child, I give you little glimpses of who I am and what I've done and am doing."

Tonight was a glimpse. It was only the fringes of His ways. What lavish care my Father dumps on me. What amazing undeserved grace. WOW! I am still in tears as I think about it. During the prayer before dinner as JB was praying we'd be encouraged and blessed and that we would know how much we were loved - I don't think he fully knew the depths that it would go in my heart. What a magnificient, awe-inspiring, undeserved, beautiful friend my Jesus is!

Job 26:14 Behold, these are but the outskirts of his ways, and how small a whisper do we hear of him! But the thunder of his power who can understand?"

Most

This is a clip from a Czech movie called "Most" (Czech for "the bridge"). It is a powerful demonstration of sacrifical love and a changed life as a result. This is love.

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=13a4a045cd290bc2ae2d

The Sovereign Shepherd

Lord, the path before me's looming dark
The way ahead's unclear.
I can't see where you are working
Or even if you're leading here.
It's such a struggle to trust you
Though I know you to be true.
I'm helpless - like a sheep, dear God,
I don't know what to do.

My child, stop and listen -
I'm calling you to come.
Though you do not know the way -
I swear - that truly I'm the One
Who will lead and guide you gently
Like a dad - I'm here, I care.
Don't forget I won't desert you -
My child, I'll always be there.

But God, I cannot hear you and
I cannot feel your touch.
I'm longing for your guidance - how
I need it oh so much.
I trust you, but where are you?
Are you even really near?
I'm in a fog, my Savior -
Don't you know and see my fear?

Oh, Child, please be patient,
I'm working though you can't see;
What looks like midnight to you now
Is clear as day to me.
I'm sovereign - gently working
Not to harm, but to refine.
I gave my precious son for you -
Gave all so you'd be mine.

You doubt that I still love and care -
Don't doubt - look to the cross
For there your sacrifice was paid
And every sin was washed.
You cannot earn this love I give
and you can't find the way.
You need my tender loving hand
to guide you every day.

You fear the unknown bends ahead -
Don't fear - you are not lost.
Oh, please my child do not forget
I've fully paid the cost.
You're not lost and not forgotten
Not rejected or alone - like a sheep
I've carried you - sweet child, home -
Here into my fold.

You cannot see the path ahead but
I can - trust in Me.
It's only through the eyes of faith
You'll ever clearly see.
Just trust me - do not be afraid -
My whispering voice you'll hear -
Just listen - I'm your faithful God
And I am always near.

Glorified

As far as any eye could see
There was no green. But every tree
Was cinder black, and all the ground
Was grey with ash. The only sound
Was arid wind, like spirits' ghosts,
Gasping for some living hosts
In which to dwell, as in the days
Of evil men, before the blaze
Of unimaginable fire
Had made the earth a flaming pyre
For God's omnipotent display
Of holy rage. The dreadful Day
Of God had come. The moon had turned
To blood. The sun no longer burned
Above, but, blazing with desire,
Had flowed into a lake of fire.
The seas and oceans were no more,
And in their place a desert floor
Fell deep to meet the brazen skies,
And silence conquered distant cries.

The Lord stood still above the air.
His mighty arms were moist and bare.
They hung, as weary, by his side
Until the human blood had dried
Upon the sword in his right hand.
He stared across the blackened land
That he had made, and where he died.
His lips were tight, and deep inside,
The mystery of sovereign will
Gave leave, and it began to spill
In tears upon his bloody sword
For one last time.

And then the Lord
Wiped every tear away and turned
To see his bride. Her heart had yearned
Four thousand years for this: His face
Shone like the sun, and every trace
Of wrath was gone. And in her bliss
She heard the Master say, "Watch this:
Come forth all goodness from the ground,
Come forth and let the earth redound
With joy." And as he spoke, the throne
Of God came down to earth and shone
Like golden crystal full of light,
And banished once for all the night.
And from the throne a stream began
To flow and laugh, and as it ran,
It made a river and a lake,
And everywhere it flowed a wake
Of grass broke on the banks and spread
Like resurrection from the dead.

And in the twinkling of an eye
The saints descended from the sky.

And as I knelt beside the brook
To drink eternal life, I took
A glance across the golden grass,
And saw my dog, old Blackie, fast
As she could come. She leaped the stream—
Almost—and what a happy gleam
Was in her eye.

I knelt to drink,
And knew that I was on the brink
Of endless joy. And everywhere
I turned I saw a wonder there.
A big man running on the lawn:
That's old John Younge with both legs on.
And there's old Beryl, and Arnold too,
Still holding hands beneath the blue
And crystal sky: No stoop, they stand
Erect. No tremor in their hand.
The blind can see a bird on wing,
The dumb can lift his voice and sing.
The diabetic eats at will,
The coronary runs uphill.
The lame can walk, the deaf can hear,
The cancer-ridden bone is clear.
Arthritic joints are lithe and free,
And every pain has ceased to be.

And every sorrow deep within,
And every trace of lingering sin
Is gone. And all that's left is joy,
And endless ages to employ
The mind and heart to understand
And love the sovereign Lord who planned
That it should take eternity
To lavish all his grace on me.

O God of wonder, God of might,
Grant us some elevated sight,
Of endless days. And let us see
The joy of what is yet to be.
And may your future make us free,
And guard us by the hope that we,
Within the light of candle four,
Are glorified forevermore.

By John Piper. © Desiring God. Website: desiringGod.org

Through the Deep Waters

"When through the deep waters I call you to go,the rivers of sorrow shall not overflow; for I will be with you, your troubles to bless, and sanctify to you your deepest distress. When through fiery trials your pathway shall lie, my grace, all sufficient, shall be your supply; the flame shall not hurt you; I only design your dross to consume, and your gold to refine."

We sang "How Firm a Foundation" Saturday in band rehersal and then yesterday in the church meeting and you know how you can hear something you've heard a million times and all of the sudden you're hearing it for the first time? Well, that happened to me with this song this weekend. I can quote this song. But the words came alive to me in the living room at the Britt's house about 8 PM on Saturday. I think the reason was several-fold. First, I had just read through 1st Peter in preparation for the new series we started at church this Sunday. The book talks a lot about suffering but the first thing I noticed when I read was the number of times "hope" is mentioned. Its a guarantee, we will suffer in this life, BUT not as one without hope. Why?? Because we are rooted on a firm foundation.

So, as I was singing this song, trying to match the harmony line with the piano and guitar chords, it was as if God was speaking directly to me... "Emily... I have called you to this place in your life. It WILL be a struggle. This coming year will not be easy... Even in your apprehension to embark on what I'm calling you to do, don't forget I'm here. Don't forget I care. Don't forget I'm fully able to relate to your fears and cares. Don't forget that as you're going through the deep waters I've called you to, I WILL BE WITH YOU! And as I'm sending you to the fire, its not to kill you. My goal is not your harm, rather your good. I long to make you more useful to me. And I can't do that without the fire. But even through the fire, I WILL BE WITH YOU. And I am not punishing you - I'm refining and re-creating you. Don't lose hope. I'm the Suffering servant and I'm calling you to mortify your desires - put them to death - choose to suffer lack for me. But realize in that "suffering" you are actually gaining. You are gaining ME! I WILL BE WITH YOU! My presence, comfort, hope, re-assurance and patience will be with you as you stumble, fail, hurt, lack trust and lose hope and focus. But in the end, I'm the God who will restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you. (1 Peter 5:10)

So, the words "the flame shall not hurt you, I only design your dross to consume and your gold to refine" have taken on new meaning. Its a meaning that's oozing with hope. Its not a shallow "feel - good" hope, but rather a hope that is not dependent on ease. Why?? Because my foundation is firm. And my God is good. And that's the reason I can look at this year with hope. My prayer is that God will graciously impart joy in my life as I seek to faithfully bear my cross and follow him. As I kill my temporal desires to find eternal satisfaction, I pray that He would remind me of the big picture. When my only wish is to crawl in a ditch and hide from the world, I pray that He would surround me with fresh reminders of His care and provision. And when I get lazy, I pray He would keep me transparent so that the Body can work together in pursuing a common goal of transformation. I pray as I'm tempted to sacrifice my joy for fleeting pleasures, that He would remind me of my eternal Hope to see Him face to face. I want to end well. I want this year to be a year where I die to my desires, I die to my selfish pride and where I consistently have my eternal hope in mind.

the excitement is over.

Today was Christmas day 2007. This morning, I was able to see the day with a new perspective - one of 3 little kiddos anticipating and then opening presents. What joy! What delight! The DAY we've finally waited for has finally arrived!!! Hurray!!! No need to eat breakfast - let's get on to what's important, let's get on to the meaning of the day - PRESENTS!

Ok, maybe it wasn't that extreme, but having spent the last year and 1/2 with Tristen, Hadyn and Ansa Kate, I know they were excited about today. They love Christmas. Hadyn had been walking around for a week now holding and shaking one of his presents because of his anticipation to know what was inside. He'd been climbing under the tree to look at what new surprises were there. Tristen had been doing the same - reading the names to decide who gets what.

So, this morning, we all sit down and begin to open presents. The first presents opened were so exciting. Every small piece of chocolate in the stocking was yet another wondrously delightful joy. From the stockings we moved on to the gifts under the tree. As the presents were opened, the joy began to fade. Sure it was great and everything was wonderful, but it was "overload - ok, I've got more than I can play with now" syndrome. At one point, we took a "break" to eat moon-pies and drink a Nehi soda and darling Hadyn said something profound... "is that it??! isn't there more to open?? do i get any more presents??" I don't remember his exact words but that was the basic idea.

I've approached today with a different filter thanks to the past few weeks at church. Christmas is more than presents, its even more than a baby being born in a stable - its the Incarnation - its God becoming a man, its the ultimate humility, its the ultimate sacrifice of a loving God. Its everything I need for this life and godliness. Yet how often do I approach it with the same excitement as Hadyn. Leading up to it, I'm excited. What will God do? How will He work? What a miracle - Jesus came to earth! And then the next day, its business as normal. its back to the daily grind. And I forget that this little story changed everything. Because I forget this, I have the same attitude as Hadyn - is that it?? isn't there more?? wait - you forgot something..."

Hadyn's excitement and anticipation that had been building up for weeks was gone 5 minutes after the shreds of wrapping paper were cleaned up. Then it was on to greater and newer things - yippee - we're going to grandpa's house - wonder what I'll get there ... mom, what's for lunch, I'm hungry... tristen, give me that back... He's missed the point. But for a 4 year old, that's no surprise. As a 26 year old, I can't plead ignorance. My prayer is that God will continue to work in my heart in revealing the mystery of the Incarnation - the wonder of His sacrifice and the unmeasureable depths of His love. That's something I should never "get past." I shouldn't even be tempted to ask "God, isn't there more... didn't you forget something (fill in your own blank here.)"

meat puzzles

i have a strong aversion to meat puzzles. i also have a strong aversion to NCIS because of the gross episode I saw (which was apparently the worst episode in the history of the show). Well, as I've been applying the sermon from this past Sunday, that specific episode keeps coming to mind. It first popped up in my ever-so-twisted mind as Jim was speaking Sunday morning.

My brain never stops. Sometimes its "i like grapes... m in the p..." other times its "God, why can't I find you? What are You doing?" other times its "arrgh, meat puzzles in the brain - go away darn meat puzzles!!!!" well, as much as this cracks me up, God (thankfully) gave me a new perspective on the meat puzzles and something else to think about when those thoughts of grossness come into my head. Jim mentioned that we're not a slave to sin anymore. That slowly that life is being drained out of us.

The first thing that popped in my head when he said "life being drained" was the dude in NCIS laying on the mortician's table while still alive but having his blood drained from him. SICK MORTICIAN DUDE!! AARGH! He was tied to the table - helpless and not at all in control of what was happening to him. He was even fighting what was happening to him. Yet, the life was being drained from him - quite literally. In the sick twisted way that it is, that gave me a picture of what God is doing/ has done in my life. Even at times when I fight it, He is draining the life of sin from me. And as much as having all your blood pumped from you - its a painful process. But unlike the poor helpless dude on the stark metal table, there's hope for me. I don't have a mortician working on me - I have a friend. a father. a care-taker. There's hope. Why? because He's not going to leave me lifeless on the table - He's changed my nature...

ok, now on to the rest of my thoughts... suddenly I'm not on the table anymore. I'm the peach tree in the field. I've been changed. And my caretaker is the same one who was the surgeon draining that poisonous blood from my soul. Why did he put me through that painful process? Because He knew if He didn't that I would eventually be killed from the inside out by that poison. And he's Someone who's not discouraged when my little "peach" of good fruit withers or doesn't grow properly. Why?? because He has changed who I am. He's (though painfully) drained my deathly blood and has pumped life into me. And even though I still sin, there is hope. because i've got new blood.

The fact that I'm not a slave to sin anymore gives me SO MUCH hope. Not with the thought that I'll no longer sin, but the thought that it doesn't control me. It doesn't manipulate who I am. And even when it manipulates my thoughts, it doesn't manipulate my new nature. And it NEVER will! Romans 6:11 comes to mind - recon yourselves to be dead to the world AND alive to God. He didn't leave me dead on the table. I now have a new life. and not the deadly life I had before - this is a life that is full of hope and joy!

What Love is This?

"[Arminians] ... say that the Augustinian tradition subordinates the love of God to the will of God ... But this is not what distinguishes the Augustinian tradition from the Arminian tradition. The distinction is between intensive and extensive love, between an intensive love that saves its loved ones, and an extensive love that loves everyone in general and saves no one in particular. Or if you really wish to cast this in terms of willpower, it's the distinction between divine willpower and human willpower. Or, to put the two together, does God will the salvation of everyone with a weak-willed, ineffectual love, or does God love his loved ones with a resolute will that gets the job done? The God of Calvin is the good shepherd, who names and numbers his sheep, who saves the lost sheep and fends off the wolf. The God of Wesley is the hireling, who knows not the flock by name and number, who lets the sheep go astray and be eaten by the wolf. Which is more loving, I ask? - Steve Hays

An illustration that may further shed light on this is as follows:
Two parents see their child run out in the street. A car is coming. The first parent calls out to the child hoping he will get out of the way in time. In other words, he gives him a choice. The second parent on the other hand, due to his love for the child runs out at the risk of His own life, scoops up the child and MAKES CERTAIN his child is not run over.
Even on an earthly level we see that true parental love acts and gets the job done. This kind of intensive love does not stand on the sidelines worried about whether their child's will was violated or not. He cares too much for the child to make his will the deciding factor. Yes the child will believe and trust in his parent, but the parent loves the child first, not because of what he does (conditional acceptance) but because the parent loves the child. Therefore the Arminian tradition has a view of God whose love is conditional while those in the Augustinian tradition see HIs love for His people as unconditional.

original post can be found at http://www.reformationtheology.com/2007/11/what_love_is_this.php

Oh, that I might know where I may find Him...

Job 23
Job Replies: Where Is God?

Then Job answered and said: "Today also my complaint is bitter; my hand is heavy on account of my groaning. Oh, that I knew where I might find him, that I might come even to his seat! I would lay my case before him and fill my mouth with arguments. I would know what he would answer me and understand what he would say to me. Would he contend with me in the greatness of his power? No; he would pay attention to me. There an upright man could argue with him, and I would be acquitted forever by my judge. "Behold, I go forward, but he is not there, and backward, but I do not perceive him; on the left hand when he is working, I do not behold him; he turns to the right hand, but I do not see him. But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold. My foot has held fast to his steps; I have kept his way and have not turned aside. I have not departed from the commandment of his lips; I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my portion of food. But he is unchangeable, and who can turn him back? What he desires, that he does. For he will complete what he appoints for me, and many such things are in his mind. Therefore I am terrified at his presence; when I consider, I am in dread of him. God has made my heart faint; the Almighty has terrified me; yet I am not silenced because of the darkness, nor because thick darkness covers my face.

How Long?

How long O Lord?
Must I keep knocking at Your door?
How long must I be waiting?
I’ve prayed to You,
but I don’t hear You speak.
I’m waiting still
and I am getting weak.

My child, I know
what you’re going through.
I know your fears
because I created you.
And each step you take
I gave to you.
And I prepared
what you have been going through.
And you want to understand,
you want to know,
but I have engraved
you on the palm of My hand.
You want to feel my nearness,
to hear me speak,
but my power is perfected
in the humble and the weak.

I’ve spoken words just for you.
I gave my Son to deliver you.
And forever you’ll hear
the sound of my voice,
saying I brought you near,
so you can rejoice.

But, for now
I’m calling you to trust,
I’m calling you to believe,
that I am a faithful God
to you.

For now,
I’m calling you to believe
what you cannot see.
But, what you know is true.
I can hear you,
I am near you.

(believe that He rewards those that seek Him.)

as i was reading through this, i started noticing for the first time all that God is doing here. "I know, I created, I prepared, I gave" etc. I never noticed how much this song portrays of His faithfulness. and also how that faithfulness is contrasted with our weakness. "must I keep knocking?, must I be waiting? I don't hear you. I'm waiting still. I'm getting weak. I want to understand, I want to know. I want to feel, I want to hear...

Those requests are very self focused (as my prayers often are in my life - God I want to know, I want to see) instead of being properly God focused. Where does my answer lie? Its not in my finding and hearing and seeing.

And what does God say? First, He's patient. My questions - God, do I have to be going through this?

His answer? I know,... I 'm calling you to remember what (and WHO) it's all about "I brought you near (gospel) so you can rejoice (in My faithfulness, not in your circumstances). Believe what you can't see (Heb 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.)

This verse talks about God as a rewarder. and there's also a command that we MUST believe this. I don't often believe it. What's the answer? Christ died for my sins. What greater reward in life could there be? Why do I doubt the "lesser" rewards? That's the power that He has - He's not a weak, incompetent God that has forgotten about me. He's mighty.

And what more shall I say? For time would fail me to tell of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, of David and Samuel and the prophets— who through faith conquered kingdoms, enforced justice, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the power of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, were made strong out of weakness, became mighty in war, put foreign armies to flight. Women received back their dead by resurrection... (Heb 11:32-35)

"By faith, made strong out of weakness." I pray that God would give me the faith to trust in His strength, repent of my self-sufficiency (realize my weakness) and find His strength, His power, His reward, His faithfulness, His activity, His compassion... How do I do this?

What's the answer? Christ died for my sins.

Communion - retreat recap

How is communion with God is possible? Through His word - He has not abandoned us though Jesus is not physically here with us. He has sent a helper (a comforter, an advocate, one who interceeds, one who guides, one who directs).
How does He direct? Through His word. How does He interceed? Through prayer.

Those should be the two items of first priority in my life. Do I hunger daily for the Word like a baby crying uncontrollably for milk? Do I recognize that as my greatest need? When I see God's glory as that of ultimate relevance, everything else becomes meaningless.

"I did not really understand what the gospel was about so therefore there was no change in my life."

1. Growth in godliness. 1 Tim. 4:8
"For while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come."
It does matter how I live my life and what I do. Jesus was not a complainer (Is. 53:7, Mk. 15:5, 1 Pet. 2:23). He didn't demand "his rights." He was a servant to all (Mk. 10:45). Its not about my rights - God put me here to serve others (not Mk. 10:35 rather Mk 10:49).

2. Love my "family." Titus 2:4
"and so train the young women to love their husbands and children."
As a "younger woman" I must place myself in a posture of submission to the older women of the church so that I can learn/ grow from them. We don't have to learn everything the hard way - listen and learn from others. Be patient - change does not happen overnight. Don't rely on your own strength (Prov. 3:5, 1 Cor 1:7-9).

3. Serve the Church. 1 Peter 4:10
"as each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as stewards of God's varied grace."
God, in his grace, does not give each of us the same gifts at the same time. He varies them so that we can effectively serve each other (note: its NOT about me!). I shouldn't be comparing my gifts to others because God in his sovereignty has given me exactly what I need right now. ! Cor. 1:2-3

4. Fellowship with Christians. 1 Jn. 1:7
"But if we walk in the light as He is in the light we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin."
He is the light. There are no shadows or places to hide. It exposes what is truly there. A result of walking with Him is relationships with others on a deeper level. We're all in this together. I need to actively pursue others and mortify my desire to hide (Gen 3:7-10). The cross has destroyed my need to hide (from God or others) because I'm justified before Him and on equal playing field with others. There is no need to fear or be condemned by my conscience (Rom. 8:1-4).

5. Evangelize non-Christians. Mk 16:15
"and He said to them, "Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation"."
God's desire is that the gospel is proclaimed wherever we go. How do we do this? By living a life worthy of the gospel. (Phil 1:27). Jesus has healed us - he has opened our eyes (Mk. 10:45-52). The truth of the gospel has transformed who we are. My responsibility is to live with that always in mind. My response should be an attitude of gratefulness (1 Thes. 5:18, Col. 3:17) that is drastically different from the "what's in it for me" typical complaining attitude of this world. What a great way to show the hope in Christ that passes all human understanding (Phil 4:7).

6. Attend to my work. Col 3:23
"whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men."
The gospel affects every part of my life and everything I do must be for my Savior. His approval is the only one that matters (note that He has created me to work for His approval). I can't be haphazard in my work because he wants it to be whole-heartedly given to him (1 Cor. 10:31).

7. Care for my Physical Body. 1 Cor 6:19
"or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have for God."
He indwells me. He is always with me - wherever I go, He's there. He will not leave us as orphans. He hasn't abandoned us. I wouldn't let the church building fall apart. Why? Because it is a reflection of God. How much more focus then should I put on taking care of my own body as the temple of Christ? Mark 11:15-18.

Application:
Change is a process. Often we are unaware of the steps, but we have the promise that He will complete what He's begun. Don't be discouraged when "change isn't happening" for there is always a hand holding me up and a fire melting my heart of stone. The flame of the cross never burns out. It is never an old story - daily it brings life. Run to the cross. Cling to the life found in this death. Find joy in this upside down kingdom. But don't do it on your own. You must cry out "I believe, help my unbelief." Have hope that He is faithful and will bring you and present you faultless before the throne as you grow in godliness. Taste and see that the Lord is good. Cry with David "great is the Lord" in the midst of trials and uncertainty. Live to give. Don't value return of investment here in this life - eternity is what matters.

Ask, Seek and Knock

"The Father that you approach is eternally loving and abundantly generous. Brothers and sisters, don't ever think that God is reluctant to answer your prayers no matter how long you wait. He is generous and He is lavish with the gifts and the grace that He gives us. There is no hint, in the heart of God, of reluctance to give you good gifts. He is gracious and He is generous to us. He is loving. He is generous. And oh, He is powerful. Folks, God does not just have good intentions when He says "ask and seek and knock." No! He will actually give you what you are asking and seeking and knocking. Remember the God that you are speaking to, He is the omnipotent and the most powerful God of the universe. He created with a word the very universe you exist in. He is abundantly and eternally powerful to help you in any situation that you are asking for and seeking and knocking. Don't think for a second that God's arm is too short to answer your prayer. Listen to the voice of God saying "Child, is my arm to short to save that relative you love so much? Is my arm to short to restore the broken relationship you have with your spouse? Is my arm to short to give you freedom to the sin you feel so bound to? Is my arm to short to give you the child you have been praying for for years?" Is my arm to short to come and meet you in that test and that trial, that sickness that you have been enduring for years? The answer is NO! For He is eternally loving. He is abundantly generous. And He is ultimately powerful. And this passage says to us that He is GOOD!" … "We come to a loving God when we pray. We come to a generous God when we pray. We come to a powerful God in the morning when we pray. We come to a good and gracious Father who loves to give good gifts to His children. Does that not inspire you to daily and consistently pray? - that you get to be with Him! You get to actually speak with Him. And here's the miracle - He listens! HE LISTENS! And he doesn't just listen, He's leaning forward, ready to bless. Ready to comfort."

Luke 11: 9-13
And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

If you're interested, the sermon link is on the Na blog at http://www.newattitude.org/blog/entry.php?category=Theology&id=370

Trust the Gardener

A few months ago I had a picture that I was a seed and God was the gardener. I could see that I was small and round but I had no clue what type of seed I was and consequently no clue what type of plant I would grow to become. Despite that lack of knowledge on my part, I thought I knew what type of dirt I needed to be planted in, how much sun and shade I needed to properly grow, and how much water would be best for me. I had in mind what kind of seed I wanted to be and was basing my needs on that final picture in my mind.

The Master Gardener, however, lovingly showed me that I didn't know these things. I didn't know if I would grow to become a flower or a stalk of corn. I didn't know what I needed to thrive because I couldn't see the end result. But He knew. He knew that the care I needed is based on what type of plant I am. He planted me where I needed to be. He watered me with the exact amount of water that I needed - He wouldn't let me drown - I was His precious plant. He placed me in the sun because I needed that heat to grow. He did all this because He loved me. He cared for me and weeded the garden and pruned my little plant because He wanted me to grow and be healthy. He was completely in control and when the harvest time came, because of His work, He would be glorified through the growth in me.




"My Child I know what you are going through. I know your fears because I created you. Each step you take, I gave to you. And I've prepared what you have been going through ... You want to feel my nearness, to hear me speak, but my power is perfected in the humble and the weak ... For now, I'm calling you to believe what you cannot see but what you know is true ... I am near you."

How Long O Lord?

How Long O Lord, must I keep knocking at your door? How long must I keep waiting? I pray for you and I don't hear you speak. I'm waiting still and I am getting weak.

My child, I know what you’re going through. I know your fears because I created you.
And each step you take I gave to you. And I prepared what you have been going through.

And you want to understand, you want to know, but I have engraved you on the palm of My hand. You want to feel my nearness, to hear me speak, but my power is perfected in the humble and the weak.

But, for now I’m calling you to trust, I’m calling you to believe, that I am a faithful God to you. For now, I’m calling you to believe what you cannot see. But, what you know is true.

I can hear you, I am near you.