Blindness

Today is Sunday - a day of worship - a day to reflect on the amazing grace of God and His wonderful blessings in our lives. Praise God, I have not had a migraine since last Sunday, and though I have had auras, headaches, etc, I was able to sing today during worship. Despite the seeming unending technical difficulties with the sound system, it was such an encouragement to stand and view the faces of my church family - many who are suffering, many who are weary - to see those faces offering a sacrifice of praise to God - the One who faithfully sustains through all trials.

To see hands lifted high in worship to the One who cried tears so that their eyes could be dried. To see Jim singing with tear-filled eyes, sorrowing for the loss of his dear wife and best friend of so many years. To see Rose catch my eye with a smile on her face, realizing that my standing there was an answer to her prayers. To see Christa, with both hands lifted high and a smile on her face not because of her uncomfortable silence, but because her trustworthy God is proving Himself to be greater. To see Jimmy standing on the front row speechless, with joy on his face - and knowing that he slept last night after countless nights of insomnia! To see Dave working on the sound board, rejoicing that He's able to stand today and not be in so much pain that he can't be at church. To see new faces, that for the first time were experiencing that time of corporate worship. To see Kayce, knowing this was her second worship service as a Christian - I'm overwhelmed by God's greatness at work in our midst. Its an honor to stand side by side with such faithful Christians approaching the Throne of Grace together.

During our worship rehersal this morning, we were practicing "Grace Unmeasured" and Jim took a moment to point out to the band an evidence of grace in Danny Robert's life. Danny (our pianist) is in his young twenties and he and his wife, Nikki had a son 2 1/2 months ago. Baby Bentley had to be rushed to the NICU shortly after birth and spent the first few weeks of his life struggling to survive. By God's grace, Bentley came to church last Sunday for the first time. What a joy to see his tiny body in his mother's arms. What a sweet time of rejocing that was.

And then to find out today that Bentley is legally blind and may never see clearly or live a "normal" life. To hear Danny talk about that with a smile on his face because he knows that God will continue to sustain. To see gratefulness in his heart overflowing through his sparkling eyes because his dear son should be dead, but is still miraculously with us. What an evidence of God's overwhelming and abundant grace at work.

I have much to learn from Danny and Nikki. I thank God for bringing them to us 2 years ago. Our body would not be the same without them.

I pray that God in His abundant mercy would heal Bentley. But I realized today that if He doesn't do this, that the first face Bentley will ever see is the face of His Creator! What an honor! What a joy that would be!! To be blind, with no grasp of beauty and then to wake up to complete Beauty that is ever-present. To see men as "trees walking" and then walk hand in hand with the One who heals both soul and body!

I pray that God would most importantly draw dear Bentley to Him - that He would resuce His soul and provide a peace that has nothing to do with physical blindness. I know He can do this, for He has healed my spiritual blindness. He caused my scaly eyes to view a glimpse of His glory on the amazing, horrible Cross. I pray the same for Bentley. And I pray that the Jesus who had mercy on the weak and hurting, would show, yet again, his abundant mercy on His weak and hurting children - that He would lavish Danny and Nikki with overflowing, ever-present, tender grace.

Every Tear You Cried

This post is about a book. A book that I love and that leaves me in a puddle of tears whenever I read it. I've read it countless times and love it more each time. This was the first Ted Dekker book I'd ever read and it opened up to me a world of his powerfully descriptive and compelling writings. If you haven't read it, I'd encourage you to do so.

The author portrays a suffering in this book in light of heaven and the eternal hope that a Christian has. It describes a town of faithful women who are willing to endure persecution for the joy set before them. (*note - this book can be rather descriptive and harsh at times*)

Todd Agnew and Ted Dekker worked together to create a song that is woven throughout the book. The link is below and it has, over the past few years, become an all-time favorite. I love the care portrayed by our Father through the words. I love the reminder that every tear I cry falls into the palm of His hand... that every lonely hour was spent with Him by my side... that every moment here is pointing to a reality to come.

I think its time I read it again. I never want to forget my hope came that day on a cross. I never want to forget I'm not home right now. I never want my current cross to appear greater than the glory to come.

... to finally here those words "my child, you are finally home." I long for that day. When I can see my Daddy face to face. When I can hold the hand that wiped my countless tears. When at last, I'll be home.

Sing O son of Zion
Shout O child of mine
Rejoice with all your heart and soul and mind
For you are finally home

I’ve been waiting to dance with you
In fields full of colors you’ve never seen
I’ve been waiting to show you beauty
You never dreamed that’s always been in you
I’ve been waiting to see you tremble as you’re embraced
By a world saturated with my love
I’ve been waiting for the day when at last I get to say
My child you are finally home

Sing O son of Zion
Shout O child of mine
Rejoice with all your heart and soul and mind
For you are finally home

I’ve been waiting to watch you realize
What all your longing was for
I’ve been waiting to show you the thread of grace
That ran through all your pain
I’ve been waiting to let you drink the water of which
Your greatest joy on earth was just a taste
I’ve been waiting for the day when at last I get to say
My child you are finally home

Sing O son of Zion
Shout O child of mine
Rejoice with all your heart and soul and mind
Sing O daughter of Zion
Cry out O child of mine
Dance with all the strength that you can find
For you are finally home

Every tear you cried dried in the palm of my hand
Every lonely hour was by my side
Every loved one lost, every river crossed
Every moment, every hour was pointing to this day
Longing for this day…

Wave upon Wave meets Grace upon Grace

Life brings waves. Another day lived brings more waves. That is what I have to look forward to. Every day there will be new trials. Every day there will be new struggles and pain and sorrow. Every day on this earth will be hard in its own, new, unique way.

But that thought doesn't depress me. It doesn't make me want to give up and cry. It simply makes me long for heaven more. A day when I will wake up, look my Savior in the face and be in His presence completely. Not a presence of wrath and judgment - a presence of love and mercy. What a day! What a sight for my weary, worn eyes that will be.

It makes me think of the old song I grew up on: "what a day that will be when my Jesus I shall see. When I look upon His face, the One who saved me by His grace. When He takes me by the hand, leads me through the Promised Land... what a day, glorious day that will be."

But for now, there are trials. For now, there are "light" and "momentary" afflictions. But my confidence isn't in having a "suck it up and endure" attitude. My confidence is that my Savior has not only rescued me from an eternity of damnation; He has given me hope for this life and strength for these weary days too. That hope is found in His ever-present grace. Grace upon grace is flooding over me as the waves upon waves seem to overwhelm me.

As I'm more aware of my weakness... as He takes and takes away, I am beginning to see that what He gives is so much more meaningful. He may take my ability to teach German. He may take my ability to sing. He may weaken (and hopefully one day kill) my pride in my accomplishments, but He is giving GRACE. That is sweet. It is precious and I'm grateful for it. He is taking me and giving Himself. Why would I ask for that to be taken away?

The migraines aren't every day. But they are still almost daily. Overall, the pain is either decreasing due to the new treatment or I'm just learning to manage it better. I think its both. I know I've had more energy in the past week. But I hesitate to ask for healing. I know my tendency. I boast in my accomplishments. I take pride in my strenghts and look to my abilities as the answer. But how I long for the day when my boasting is in Christ alone... when my hope is in Christ alone... when my strength is mediated through Him alone... when my gifts truly bring Him glory alone. I want that.

There is a sweet peace found in His strength that I don't experience on a daily basis. But I have experienced it. And I want more of it. I want more grace. I want more of His power. I want to lean on Him (realizing that means I'm stripped of more of me). I want a faith that is unshakeable, an anchor that is firm through the fiercest drought and storms, a hope that is built on a firm foundation. Its sweet.

Though it hurts, its refreshing. Though it comes through pain, there is comfort. And the comfort makes the pain pale in comparison.

Refocusing

I changed the title of my blog today from "Emily's blog: random musings into the character of God and its implications in my life..." to "A Sacrifice of Praise."

This change is for several reasons.

The first is because over the last month or so, God has been lovingly stripping me of "Emily's thoughts" which are often based in feelings and transferring those with truths found in His unchanging Word. This past month of pain and trials has shown me an inexpressable comfort and sweetness found in Him and His Words. My focus must dwell there more.

As I was reading today in Hebrews 13, I came across the following verses:
So Jesus also suffered outside the gate in order to sanctify the people through his own blood. Therefore let us go to him outside the camp and bear the reproach he endured. For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come. Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name.

Because of the cross, I have been drawn near to Christ. He's commanded, as His follower, that I die to my desires and hopes that are tied to this world and follow Him, looking to the hope that is to come. With that in mind... in light of the cross... in light of eternity, how can I not praise? How can my words not be filled with gratitude? How can I not acknowlege that Jesus is truly the sweetest name I know?

So, the second reason for the change is because I want my life to be this sacrifice of praise. I want to be so enamoured by the cross that everything else pales in comparison. I want my words to reflect gratefulness for the mercy He's given to me. Having those words at the beginning of my blog each time I log in, will physically help me to remember to praise, not complain... to rejoice, not lament... to look up, not look around or down.

I want to sing. Whether in a dark prison at midnight or in fields of happy sunshine. My response should be a sacrifice of praise because my situation does not determine my feelings. Truth does.

This is a sacrifice because I must surrender all. I must die to my idolatrous desires, as I submit to the will of my Father. I must make a choice to say "no" when my heart screams otherwise. That is a sacrifice worth giving. In view of what He sacrificed, this can scarecely even be called sacrifice. It is minimal compared to His cross.

This is a joyful sacrifice filled with praise, for He has washed my sins away. He has promised to lead the blind. He has promised to guide and comfort no matter what the trial may be. I can praise because God will never forsake. He will always lead. He will always guide me in ways that to me are unfamiliar.

That's why I praise. That's what changes everything. Joy is found in death. The death of my Savior brings sweet hope. And the death to my desires brings sweet comfort as Jesus faithfully proves Himself to be more than sufficient. He IS indeed more than sufficient. He IS all. I have no need He does not address. I have no sin He did not remove. I have no cry He does not hear. There is no trial He does not walk through with me. He is indeed great.

In my weakness, I see more clearly His all-sufficiency. I can rest there with joy and peace.

He Hears My Cry

"Save me, O God! For the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in deep mire, where there is no foothold; I have come into deep waters, and the flood sweeps over me. I am weary with my crying out; my throat is parched. My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God...

But as for me, my prayer is to you, O LORD. At an acceptable time, O God, in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness. Deliver me from sinking in the mire; let me be delivered from my enemies and from the deep waters. Let not the flood sweep over me, or the deep swallow me up, or the pit close its mouth over me. Answer me, O LORD, for your steadfast love is good; according to your abundant mercy, turn to me. Hide not your face from your servant; for I am in distress; make haste to answer me. Draw near to my soul, redeem me; ransom me because of my enemies! ...

I will praise the name of God with a song; I will magnify him with thanksgiving. This will please the LORD more than an ox or a bull with horns and hoofs. When the humble see it they will be glad; you who seek God, let your hearts revive...

For the LORD hears the needy and does not despise his own people who are prisoners. Let heaven and earth praise him, the seas and everything that moves in them. For God will save Zion and build up the cities of Judah, and people shall dwell there and possess it; the offspring of his servants shall inherit it, and those who love his name shall dwell in it."

excerpts from Psalm 69

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"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."
Revelation 21:4

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I'm enjoying a time of thinking. I have missed it. I'm grateful for this little moment I have. I feel almost like the couple in "the Notebook" - grateful for the moments of clarity I have, aware they can change with the flip of a switch or a honk of a horn. So, I'll type now, while I can. While the ability is there. For even that ability (and the time) is a gift.

David wrote in Psalm 69 a glimpse of his thoughts in the midst of a trial. He was in the waves. And sinking with nothing to hold onto. He was crying. He was weary. His energy was gone. Ever cry so hard it hurts to cry and you can't see clearly? I have. According to Psalm 69, David has too.

I'm grateful God chose to include weak, weary cries in the Bible. I am so often weak. And weary. Reading these prayers gives me hope for several reasons. First, because in my own pride, I tend to want to fix problems. David in his humility cried. That's a lesson I pray I am slowly learning. But it gives me hope, also, because David clearly points us not to his problem, but rather, to his Hope. David, in his own strength has no more power than the statue in the picture. He can't even cry out without God's strength working in his life.

David is weary. But His Lord is not. His prayer does not fall on a deaf or limited God - NO! they come right to the ears of the all-powerful Creator God. And David has confidence in that power. In the right timing, God WILL deliver. David didn't pray "answer me God, because I'm coming in faith" or "answer me because I'm worth it." No, he rested his confidence not on his feelings or situation, rather on the unchanging character of his God. "answer me, because you are good... because you are full of abundant mercy."

That's why David was able to sing. Right there, in the midst of pain, struggling, parched voice from all the crying... He's singing. His eyes are tired from waiting... he is sinking in this overwhelming flood and He's singing! He's thanking God in the midst of weary pain. That thanksgiving, empowered by the Spirit, from a weak, parched disciple, pleases God and encourages His children. How amazing! Grace, given as a gift from God, working through weak, weary sinners, is used to encourage faith, magnify God's greatness and even please God himself!

God hears! God knows our needs and is more than competent and willing to show himself faithful. He will save - not only temporarily by providing relief at times, but by giving us a future hope... a future inheritance... a future with no more cries.

Glorified

As far as any eye could see
There was no green. But every tree
Was cinder black, and all the ground
Was grey with ash. The only sound
Was arid wind, like spirits' ghosts,
Gasping for some living hosts
In which to dwell, as in the days
Of evil men, before the blaze
Of unimaginable fire
Had made the earth a flaming pyre
For God's omnipotent display
Of holy rage. The dreadful Day
Of God had come. The moon had turned
To blood. The sun no longer burned
Above, but, blazing with desire,
Had flowed into a lake of fire.
The seas and oceans were no more,
And in their place a desert floor
Fell deep to meet the brazen skies,
And silence conquered distant cries.

The Lord stood still above the air.
His mighty arms were moist and bare.
They hung, as weary, by his side
Until the human blood had dried
Upon the sword in his right hand.
He stared across the blackened land
That he had made, and where he died.
His lips were tight, and deep inside,
The mystery of sovereign will
Gave leave, and it began to spill
In tears upon his bloody sword
For one last time.

And then the Lord
Wiped every tear away and turned
To see his bride. Her heart had yearned
Four thousand years for this: His face
Shone like the sun, and every trace
Of wrath was gone. And in her bliss
She heard the Master say, "Watch this:
Come forth all goodness from the ground,
Come forth and let the earth redound
With joy." And as he spoke, the throne
Of God came down to earth and shone
Like golden crystal full of light,
And banished once for all the night.
And from the throne a stream began
To flow and laugh, and as it ran,
It made a river and a lake,
And everywhere it flowed a wake
Of grass broke on the banks and spread
Like resurrection from the dead.

And in the twinkling of an eye
The saints descended from the sky.

And as I knelt beside the brook
To drink eternal life, I took
A glance across the golden grass,
And saw my dog, old Blackie, fast
As she could come. She leaped the stream—
Almost—and what a happy gleam
Was in her eye.

I knelt to drink,
And knew that I was on the brink
Of endless joy. And everywhere
I turned I saw a wonder there.
A big man running on the lawn:
That's old John Younge with both legs on.
And there's old Beryl, and Arnold too,
Still holding hands beneath the blue
And crystal sky: No stoop, they stand
Erect. No tremor in their hand.
The blind can see a bird on wing,
The dumb can lift his voice and sing.
The diabetic eats at will,
The coronary runs uphill.
The lame can walk, the deaf can hear,
The cancer-ridden bone is clear.
Arthritic joints are lithe and free,
And every pain has ceased to be.

And every sorrow deep within,
And every trace of lingering sin
Is gone. And all that's left is joy,
And endless ages to employ
The mind and heart to understand
And love the sovereign Lord who planned
That it should take eternity
To lavish all his grace on me.

O God of wonder, God of might,
Grant us some elevated sight,
Of endless days. And let us see
The joy of what is yet to be.
And may your future make us free,
And guard us by the hope that we,
Within the light of candle four,
Are glorified forevermore.

By John Piper. © Desiring God. Website: desiringGod.org

How Beautiful Heaven Must Be

So, I've been listening to the audiobook version of "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn. I've come to realize that my view of heaven has not been based on Scripture, but rather on cultural norms. We won't actually be floating on clouds playing our harps all day long - imagine that! Well, as I've been listening to his exposition of the Scriptures on heaven, I have found myself thinking more about it. What will it be like to live in a new earth that is not tainted by sin? How beautiful must heaven be if the beauty in this world is simply a foretaste of what is to come!!

I marvelled today at Falls Park at the beauty of God's creation - at the intricate details of His hand in "simple" things like red leaves and puffy cumulus clouds. To realize that heaven is more than just a city floating in a cloud, but that it is a real, physical place where we will live brings me hope. I can't even begin to understand all that Randy Alcorn writes about this place we'll spend eternity, but I can say that 11 hour audiobook has given me more of a desire to see my permanent home and more of a desire to live now with the truth in mind that this world is not "the best there is" - the best things we enjoy here are simply an appetizer of what's to come.

FYI - the remainder of the photos can be found at http://picasaweb.google.com/eschankweiler/FallsPark

With One Voice

May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Romans 15:-6

2 Cor 4:8-16

"....We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Cor 4:8-16

The Slumber

"The blessings and the gifts of this life aren't the good news of the gospel. Our hope for life everlasting, swamped by a never-ending bliss, is the good news. But Christianity has fallen asleep to this new and living hope. Consequently, we desperately seek satisfaction in a world where no satisfaction is to be found." (exerpt from The Slumber of Christianity by Ted Dekker).



I long for the hope of the next life to captivate me here. That what is to come is so vivid and real in my life that it affects how I live. God, give me a glimpse of this everlasting hope. Help me to remember that its your cross that makes all this possible (hope in this life and hope eternally).


This weekend was tough for me. Tough because when I look at myself, I see failure. I see a striving to please God, and continually a lack of doing so. I see great need, and I miss the fact that my Savior is GREATER! He speaks! He is active. This was displayed by the cross. His lavish love poured out there, is more than enough for any need. But its so easy to get caught up in what I need to do (or what I haven't done). I took a drive to the mountains to have a "chat with God" (as Christa calls it).


It was an interesting time. I left probably more confused than when I started though (which was somewhat frustrating for me). My tendency is to forget that I am a great sinner but Christ is a great Savior. And that He can relate to my struggles and temptations. And that He gives me the strength I need to overcome those temptations when I rely on Him. No, instead I think that its up to me. My sanctification is up to me. That the cross was for salvation and now I'm on my own. I'm thankful for Christa pointing out that the cross is so much more than a "fire escape" in our lives. And that God doesn't demand perfection - Christ died because we can never be perfect in our own strength. No matter how hard we try, we can't reach it on our own. Our trust and faith needs to be in Jesus' strength working in and through us.


Holy Spirit, I need your guidance. I need your gift of faith in my life. I want to know God. I want to be able to say "What a friend I have in Jesus." Please captivate me. Divorce me from the ties of this world. Help my sould to breathe after holiness; after a constant devotedness to you. Help me to realize that all fullness can only be found in you. As the Puritan writer in the Valley of Vision wrote : "To this end, O God, do thou establish me in Christ, settle me, give me a being there, assure me with certainty that all this is mine, for this only will fill my heart with joy and peace."